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Building Trust in Your Board
How do you assess the level of trust in your congregation and especially in your governing board? A high level of trust is absolutely critical among leaders if you are going to accomplish anything. What do you observe? Are leaders open and spontaneous or guarded? Is there easy humor and laughter (an indicator of trust) or heaviness and sarcasm?
Do members of the board deal openly with differences, or do they avoid them and have parking lot sub-meetings after the meeting? Are there signs that people have emailed or talked over the phone with one another, forming alliances against others?
To what extent do some leaders use the board's rules (bylaws, constitution, and the like) to get their way, perhaps to overrule or simply disregard what others think?
How nervous are leaders about introducing change? What is behind this anxiety? Sometimes secrets or betrayals in a congregation lead to great resistance to change. Another clue that there is a whole lot more to some story is that people are unwilling to talk about it.
If you have read my newsletter for a while, you will think I'm a trust-nut. If you do, you are most correct! I am a trust-nut because I've seen erosion of trust cause terrible problems in quite a number of congregations. I have seen pastors forced out of their parishes and congregations split. Such ruptures are terribly expensive-emotionally, financially, and especially spiritually. When church leaders are not trustworthy, we undermine trust in the Lord.
When staff members trust one another and they and the board form a trusting team, then that trust spreads to the congregation. Conversely, trust also spreads up to the leadership. I think of one congregation that formed a strong network of small groups. Group participants "checked-in" with each other at each meeting, briefly sharing what was happening in their lives outside of congregational activities. Because several members of the board had experienced how this built trust in the small groups, they began to "check-in" with each other at board meetings. They learned how important it was to really get to know one another and pray for one another. This awareness changed the atmosphere of the board meetings from one of simply doing business to really being brothers and sisters in faith.
One colleague told me that when he came to his congregation, the board meetings lasted for three hours. He told them he wanted to introduce a time of singing and prayer to begin their meetings and was initially met with resistance. But when the board began their meetings this way, they found that the meeting duration actually decreased! They had built more trust based on deeper common faith and consequently were able to conduct their meetings more efficiently.
Particularly if there has been some conflict in the congregation, you need to begin building trust among leaders is in their meetings. What might you do? Here is one exercise that I have found effective when working with a board that can be adapted for staff and other situations.
A Tool: Sharing Formative Scripture Passages
Ask each board member to identify two scripture passages that have been important to them, perhaps one that has strengthened and comforted them, challenged them, or has become a foundation stone of their faith. Over the course of as many meetings as necessary, ask board members to take turns sharing these scripture and telling why they are important. It is important that the pastor, go first in order to model both the depth and the length of this sharing. Suggest that they take five to seven minutes each. If you have several staff members, do this exercise in staff meetings or on a staff retreat to strengthen your staff team.
I have found that this very simple exercise is especially helpful in bridging gaps between liberals and conservatives. I first used it in a group of pastors, both liberal and conservative, who (myself included) were being somewhat snarky in presbytery meetings. The six of us took turns sharing passages over three lunch meetings. (Being preachers, we took closer to 20 minutes each). As we got to know one another better, the conservatives realized that we who are more liberal had a deep relationship with God, and those of us who were liberal recognized that the conservatives weren't unthinking literalists. Further, we came to realize that the very terms "liberal" and "conservative" were pretty meaningless. For example, I take the Bible very seriously and find God speaking through it. I've been married to the same woman for fifty plus years and am pretty frugal fiscally (some would call me cheap!). Does that make me a conservative? On the other hand, I think it is very important to interpret scripture in light of new understanding of what the biblical authors were saying, juxtaposing those insights with current events and my own experience. I have been a peacenik and civil rights advocate. I think it's critical to control gun violence. So am I a liberal? Most of us embody a mixture of different ideas and opinions.
When board members share their formative scriptures verses, they will often make themselvesremarkably vulnerable. I recall one leader who cited Psalm 23, noting how much it helped when her husband died. Another described how Jesus telling disciples to love their enemies helped him deal with difficult people at his job. He was startled when, after listening to and praying for those who were difficult, he understood them better and found them not so difficult!
If you would like some help to grow as a leader, I encourage you to consider coaching, either one on one or in a group. Most of my coaching is done by phone in order to minimize commuting but I make exceptions. Further, phone coaching makes it possible for me to have clients who live many miles away.
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