November 2013    
Harris Coaching and Consulting            
Thoughts for Leadership and Life
    
In This Issue
Describe Reality and Talk!
Resource - Do It Well - Make It Fun

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Friends and Colleagues,

Recall meetings you have been in and you observe something strange going on and people seem to be dancing around whatever it is.  Perhaps two persons are obviously angry with one another.  Or a normally lively person looks downcast.

An important dimension of leadership is to describe the obvious.  (or what to some isn't so obvious)  Then have a conversation.  See my main article for more.  

Many of you already know that I've been working on a book aimed at pastors who are new to a congregation.  The main article draws from some material in the book.  It looks like it will be published next summer or fall by Alban!  If you are new to a parish and want more information, get in touch.

I offer you a resource by a very talented speaker.  Buy his book and you will get hints to not only be a better preacher, but be happier.
 
 
If you know someone who might benefit from my thoughts here, please use the "Forward to a Friend" button in the newsletter (that way you'll avoid problems with spam filters) 
 

Here's to clarity about how God is leading us!  

Peace,      
Bob
  



 

Describe reality as you see it, and start a conversation.

            

Max De Pree, former CEO of Herman Miller Furniture Co., asserted, "The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between, the leader is a servant and a debtor."

 

I tweak this notion a bit. As a pastor, you can't define reality. You don't begin to know the complexity of members' reality. But you can describe reality as you see it and then start a conversation about it with both individuals and groups in the congregation, especially leaders and members of committees. Your simply describing reality as you see it and exploring their perceptions  will start and inform great conversation.

 

Take care not to blast them with your perceptions of reality by making statements such as, "I observe that you are a crowd of dolts stuck in the 1950's!" That might lead to WWIII or at least to your early departure! I usually say something like, "As I have talked with you and others in the congregation, I have heard a lot of people saying that they are having trouble hearing clearly in worship. Is that your experience? If so, have you explored what might be done to improve the acoustics?" The idea is to explore questions, misunderstandings, and confusions. Be very clear that you are seeking to understand them. Chances are newer members on the board have some of the same questions but have never asked them.

 

Describing your reality and starting a conversation also helps them to know themselves better. One of my clients serving a congregation with a history of conflict told the board, "What you have told me in so many words is that you habitually form circular firing squads here! There's a lot of pain and hurt feelings!" Members of the board nodded sheepishly in agreement. He got them started on a more positive trajectory.

 

Here are some samples which describe reality and start conversations:

 

  • I noticed that Jimmy, who appears to be mentally handicapped, almost always helps hand out bulletins. You seem to have found a terrific way to get him involved. Tell me about how that happened.
  • It appears that the median age of the women's group is around 70. How do younger women get involved in the congregation?
  • I'm impressed by the number of people involved in hands-on mission activities. How long has that been the case?
  • The organist plays hymns much slower (or faster) than in most congregations I've been in. Has it always been that way? What is your assessment of the pace of the music?
  • The teens seem to really have a wonderful sense of community and purpose. Tell me about them and their leaders.
  • When I see leaders focusing on their own agendas and not the overall direction of that the board set, then I wonder how much people really agree with what God is calling us to do.  What do you think?
  • It seems to me that the median age of our congregation is around 60.  What do you see?  If you see the same thing, then what do we learn about ourselves?

 

A key dimension of leadership is to observe and be curious.  Get other leaders to observe and be curious.  Try to discern how the wind of the Holy Spirit is blowing.  Great things can happen!

 

 

If you would like some help in having these creative conversations or simply want to grow in your leadership ability, I encourage you to consider coaching, either one on one or in a group. Most of my coaching is done by phone in order to minimize commuting, but I make exceptions.

 

If you find this article helpful and think it might be helpful to a friend, please forward my newsletter to that friend using the "Forward to a Friend" button.  

 

 

Resources - books and other resources that have been helpful  
 

 

Do It Well.  Make It Fun. - The Key to Success in Life, Death, and Almost Everything in Between - by Ronald P. Culberson

 

Ron Culberson recently led a preaching workshop for pastors in National Capital Presbytery.  Since I was introducing him, he offered me some text I might use.  "Ron Culberson ranks in the top 30 of his wife's favorite speakers.  He's had the privilege of being a hospice social worker, a Director of Quality Improvement, the owner of a Harley Davidson motorcycle, and the 2012-2013 President of the National Speakers Association."

 

Ron, who has been elder and deacon in his local congregation (highest elected lay officers), does a terrific job in this book of demonstrating how speakers can find humor in their own lives and make it apply to make a point.  He stressed to us preachers how our own situational humor is so much more lively than some joke we find on the internet (and which many of our parishioners will have already heard). 

 

The book is full of such stories.  In one he tells of going tubing on a river with his family when he was 13 years old.  In addition to being banged around by the rocks, he rounded a bend and saw "what appeared to be a large balloon.  In fact, it resembled that Porky Pig balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.  As I got closer, however, I realized it was no balloon.

 

"It was a pig.  A real pig.  A real dead pig...  (now it was ) the size of a small southwest Virginia mobile home.  And what was worse, the river current was taking me right toward it."

 

(you have to buy the book to find out how this story turns out)

 

He then segues from this hysterical story to describe the mathematics of stress.  Stressor + Interpretation = Effects of Stress.  In the story he just related, the bloated pig was the stressor.  "Life is like a river.  There are rapids, rocks, slow sections, deep sections, and occasional dead pigs.  We never know what's round the bend, but if we're successful in journeying along the river of life, we will not fight the natural flow but instead, discover how to maneuver with it.  And if we don't  we'll hit the pig. Worse yet, we'll be the pig."

 

Each of us experiences craziness and profundity.  Culberson demonstrates how, when we are alert, we can mine these events and illustrate what the Lord is trying to tell us in scripture.  Our sermons become more compelling.

 

Ron invited us to tell each other about one our own humorous experiences.  I told my small group about how when one of our sons got his new Bible, The Good News Bible, as a third grader, he noted that "I like this version better than the other one."

 

"Why?" we asked.

 

"Because the other one says The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want." while this one says "The Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need."  I have pretty much everything I need, but there's a lot that I want!"

 

I commend Ron's book to you, both for how it will help you in your preaching, but also as you deal with the pigs and other hazards you encounter.
 

 

 

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What books or resources have you found
 helpful?  I'd be glad (with available space) to share your reviews and/or suggestions.  
Future Issues (bi-monthly)
  • January 2014 - What qualities do people seek in a leader?

            
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Bob
Robert Harris, Professional Certified Coach
Harris Coaching and Consulting

703-470-9841