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Write a New Life Narrative
It is important to be aware of our gremlins and self narratives. Our gremlins show up in reactions and responses that we regret later. Joey and Jimmy get into a playground spat. Jimmy asserts "you started it!" Joey responds "did not!" "did too!" It's when I feel inadequate and make some kind of remark that either puts down another person or deflects their concern with a joke resulting in the other not feeling heard. My gremlin tells me to duck for cover. It's fight or flight. What are some of those little green monsters that lurk in your subconscious? (think Luther: "and though this world with devils filled, should threaten to undo us...") What are some of the narratives or stories you tell yourself that get you into trouble? I grew up in a little town in southwest Missouri. Sometimes I joke that I'm an Ozark hillbilly. But there's a mixed message in that statement - on one level it is a joke, but on a deeper level it isn't. There is that little gremlin who says "Bob, what are you thinking, trying to lead these sophisticated, powerful people who live in the Washington, DC, area? Maybe you've been around a while, but you're still a small town kid from the Ozarks. You don't really belong here." It is likely you have heard of the country music capital of Branson, MO. Just over an hour from my hometown, Branson features some 50 theaters and 100 different shows. It's a destination for tour groups. However, when I was growing up, Branson was a delightful small town where you could go fishing or boating. So regardless of current reality, my interior notion is that Branson is still a little country town with good fishing. That's my story about Branson and I'm sticking to it. I've heard Civil Rights leaders bemoan the barriers that many African Americans have in their own minds and attitudes. "I'm just an ignorant thug and I can't learn how to read and function in the white world. I'm probably going to end up in jail anyway. So I might as well do the drug and gang scene. If I live, I live. If I die, I die." Think about the many professional athletes - Barry Bonds, Lance Armstrong, Mark McGwire - who have used steroids or other banned substances. What were their gremlins? "If you really want to be the top batter, scorer, be the fastest..., then you have to use this stuff. Everybody's doing it." Sounds like Jesus being tempted just after his baptism, doesn't it! What are your gremlins? What self-narratives hold you back from growing and being as effective a leader as you might? It's vital that you recognize the voices of your gremlins and deal directly with them. How might you form a new narrative that counters the destructive one? What would that story say? In response to my negative narrative about being a hick from the country, my positive narrative says "My family valued reading, good grades, and hard work. I had some really good high school teachers, got into an excellent college, and have kept learning all my life. Further, based on my essential worth in Christ, I'm comfortable interacting with people of every socio-economic status." What are some of your life narratives? To what extent do they limit you or lead you? You might experiment. Imagine three narratives about yourself for the next 5-10 years. 1. A Failure Story - you really blew it; your gremlins overwhelmed you and you ended up homeless or something like that. If you were married, the marriage fell apart. Your health reflects your general mood. 2 - A Mediocre Story - you muddled along ok, became one of those pastors described as having five years of experience repeated seven times. Your sermons are dull. You are burned out and stuck. You want to hang on till you retire. Family life is routine and kind of boring. 3 - A Heroic Story - you really figured out what was going on with yourself and the church you are serving. You grew intellectually and spiritually and have come to make a real difference in the lives of the people you serve and all with whom you interact. Your life has zest, meaning, and purpose. You are surrounded by friends and family. What might that look like for you? What might that feel like? What would others be saying about you? Take some time and sense how powerful this might be. I have encouraged both individual clients and church leaders to do this exercise. It is fun, challenging, and inspiring. Pay attention to your heroic narrative. How might God be leading you through this vision you have for yourself and your church? Some motivational speakers assert that "If you can see it, you can be it!" I'm too much of a Calvinist to go that far, but I have a hunch that most of us don't envision stories that are realistic and yet stretch us and lead us to be much more effective leaders. An important stretch narrative for me is to get a book written that's aimed at pastors new to a parish. Things are looking up! Consider your self-narratives, especially what a heroic narrative might be. And as you do so, I'd love to coach you. Please get in touch with me. I encourage you to consider coaching, either one on one or in a group. Most of my coaching is done by phone in order to minimize commuting, but I make exceptions. If you find this article helpful and think it might be helpful to a friend, please forward my newsletter to that friend using the "Forward to a Friend" button. | 
