Recently I attended my 55th high school class reunion. Out of a class of approximately 150 students, 40 classmates (some with spouses) attended. Some were probably motivated to come out of curiosity (we had lost 9 classmates from our previous reunion five years ago). Some came because of old friendships, some because of memories, both positive and negative, and perhaps some came because of curiosity about the physical conditions of their peers or curiosity about what each is doing now.

Philosophers and cognitive scientists agree that friendship is an essential ingredient of human happiness at any age. There lies a body of compelling research that sheds light on how, precisely, friendship augments happiness, even if the friendship occurred in years gone by.  

Psychologists say that friendships last as long as both people are "getting" something out of it; however, life goes on, paths diverge, people change, and friendships wane, but that doesn't mean they go away. They are just in a different form, perhaps buried "but not forgotten."

Something is different about friendships that go back to the age of 5, even if continuous contact is not maintained. For me, my first friendships go back to kids who sat on the rug every day for the kindergarten circle--Adrian, Baker, Brown, Diaz, Dischert, Doheny (me), Greenwood, Helm, Huber, Henning, Huntsman, Kelly, Laskey, Morris--are among the names who graduated from high school together 13 years later.

Of those thirteen classmates, I still feel a great fondness for six--almost one-half of my kindergarten class (the whereabouts of the rest are unknown). Of course, new acquaintances came along--Chris, Charlotte, Dale, Don, Danny--as well as others, but the point is that many, many decades later, the feelings of closeness are still there, even though we don't keep in touch throughout the year. Why is that?

The first thing that comes to mind about the emotional closeness many of us felt at the reunion is simply history. We share memories; we share the process of growing up, the process of shaping our identities, making mistakes, and learning. We were puppies together learning how to behave acceptably in the society of that time.

We all have stories, and many were unknown to our classmates--stories related to conditions at home--family problems, sibling challenges, and happenings no one else was aware of. Reunions are a time when some chapters of our classmates' stories are revealed for the first time, and, as a result, new insights are gleaned. Hearing about the meanness of one girl's father gave me a better understanding of why she was mean to others.

For me, those from my kindergarten circle are all "comfort" people, people from whom I personally feel acceptance, a feeling of "I'm okay exactly as I am." Most of the others, however, although I truly love seeing them and talking to them now, are reflective of feelings of discomfort I can recall experiencing in high school--no doubt due to my own feelings of uncertainties at that time. I never thought about this until we all got together at breakfast the last morning and were reminiscing about the past and sharing chapters in the lives of our classmates that were previously unknown.

I consider myself truly fortunate to have had the opportunity to experience a closeness with so many people who are genuinely good, nice, fun people. I can see many of those with whom I had previously felt uncomfortable from a very different vantage point today. Our reunions have offered me an opportunity to get to know and appreciate them as adults. There are some people who will never be on my "favorite's" list, but I can better appreciate some of them through learning about the unknown chapters of their lives and what they experienced as children.

Time's a'ticking, so when the invitation comes, and even if there is only one person you would like to see, go! (I would love to see the rest of my kindergarten circle!) You won't be sorry! Who knows, you may even rekindle old friendships!

Remember, friendship is an essential ingredient of human happiness at any age, and "old" friendships are golden. 

IF YOU DECIDE TO RETIRE IN NEW YORK CITY..........GET PREPARED.....

1. You will say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You will think Central Park is "nature."
4. You will believe that being able to swear at people in their native language makes you multilingual.
5. You will actually wear out a car horn.