 Coachability
The Seminar Source Newsletter
Speak Well and Get Clients Now!
August 17, 2008
Issue #11
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Greetings! My main topic today is "mentoring"--Code of Ethics No. 1. "Show respect to get respect." And I'm still watching the Olympics. Can you see the connection?
How much mentoring has Michael Phelps gotten? Would he have done as well without someone working with him, call that someone a "trainer," "coach," "mentor?"
Two-time Academy Award winning actor and director, Denzel Washington, attributes his success to his childhood mentor. As he says, "You don't go it alone." Athletes can't and certainly "at risk" kids can't.
Coaches/mentors learn what it takes to help another person find his worth or her path in life. They're there to listen, encourage, support, nudge, and find strengths in their athlete/mentoree.
Coaching/Mentoring means making a difference in the world socially, financially, and spiritually.
Social unrest is lessened when a person feels accepted and directed.
The tax burden is reduced when fewer "at risk" teens and young adults are incarcerated.
The spiritual rewards of making a difference in someone's life are immeasurable.
I encourage each reader to experience the joy of helping someone find hope, purpose, and direction. Watch your mentoree grow and find independence and success in life.
If you want to change the world, start by changing the life of a child. It only takes one!
Happy, Happy,
Gail
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Feature Article: VALIDATING MENTOR "CODE OF ETHICS"
1. "SHOW RESPECT TO GET RESPECT"
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by Gail Cassidy
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PROBLEM
In April the Newark Star Ledger headline screamed "Newark group seeks options for no-hope youth inmates " by Jeff D. Amant.
"Ron Salahuddin sees them in the juvenile jails, scores of 14- and 15-year old repeat offenders who have no caring adults in their lives. Salahuddin, Newark's deputy major for public safety and youth empowerment unit sees them eventually leave jail with no support network at all, no skills, no job possibilities, winding up in gangs."
Wouldn't it make a huge difference if these 14- and 15-year olds had mentors, someone in their lives to validate them and show them respect? What if every retiree took on one kid as a mentoree via the telephone weekly? Every human being craves respect; it is its own form of validation.
WHAT MAKES GANGS SO ATTRACTIVE?
For starters, gang members show recruits respect, even if the newcomer have to perform reprehensible deeds to earn it.
MENTOREES "MIRROR" THEIR MENTORS
People reflect what they see, hear, and feel from us. Let me tell you about an incorrigible young 24-year old high school dropout who just gotten out of jail and was in my class as part of his parole agreement.
Early one semester I heard from my fellow teachers about this young man who was labeled a real "trouble maker." The following is part of the character sketch I wrote about Miguel: (I share these sketches privately with each student in order to point out their positive as well as negative qualities as I see them. The section here are the positives of Miguel.)
CHARACTER SKETCH
He has Michael Jordon's low key, teasing manner and warm, laughing eyes. I envy his laid-back personality. He could care less about making an impression. He's just Miguel, and he takes life and himself lightly--unless he is "disrespected". Overall, he has a wonderful attitude.
He loves to tease, especially the tiny little gal in his class who is one-third his size. He threatens to send the smurfs to beat her up. She gets mad, and he keeps needling her.
One day in the middle of class, Miguel got up from his desk, walked to the front of the room and patted me on my head. Startled, I looked at him, and he said emphatically, "Miss, your hair was sticking up."
With hesitation, I stammered, "Thank you, Miguel."
Another time while everyone was quietly working in class, he yelled out with excited exuberance, "Miss, I know who you look like!"
"Who, Miguel? I asked."
"Santa's mom!"
"Thank you, Miguel," to which he sweetly uttered under his breath, "You're a cute little white lady."
This 6 foot 6 gentle giant is a delightful, spirited, handsome young man. He has a wonderful sense of humor. He's kind. He's a tease. He's a talker. He has personality galore. What he does not have is tolerance for anyone, including his teachers, who do not show him respect. When shown respect and not disciplined inappropriately, he becomes a devotee.
Many mentors will be working with mentorees who have done things they should not have done. Some have paid their dues through the penal system; some still may not be clear between the boundaries of right and wrong, acceptable and unacceptable, appropriate and inappropriate.
Miguel is an example of an exuberant young man who at times was inappropriate, but he had good intentions. Perhaps had he experienced validation earlier in his life, he would not have gotten involved with the group he hung around with and got in trouble with.
WHAT I LEARNED: Not only that I look like Santa's mom but also that a bit of patience, understanding, and a lot of respect shown when earned goes a long way.
Check out the books, The Validating Mentor and The Validating Mentoree Workbook.
This article may be reprinted as long as proper attribution is used. Gail Cassidy, http://www.coachability.com and http://www.atriskkids.com. gail@coachbility.com.
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Gail Cassidy
Coachability.com
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