Mediation can be described as a process that employs the neutral participation of a third person to bring two parties in conflict to a mutually agreeable settlement. 

As background to a discussion of the application of mediation to the divorce process, it would be helpful to first look at some typical relationship circumstances that tend to exist between spouses when they have reached the point where one or the other has decided to end the marriage. When marital partners begin pulling away from one another, the most obvious symptom of the growing distance is a significant breakdown or loss of trust.

As the parties literally pull back from each other (emotionally and physically), the space between them becomes a vacuum. Nature abhors a vacuum and it is predictable that something will fill that void. Given the absence of any meaningful communication between the parties, what tends to grow unchecked in that void is anxiety. Anxiety is the emotional response to "not knowing"--not knowing what the other person is thinking or feeling, not knowing what they are doing or planning to do. When no actions are taken to establish some method of constructive communication relating to the most mundane aspects of daily life (especially regarding money and bills), and left unchecked, that anxiety will eventually blossom into full blown fear. Once either party reaches this critical state, it is common to begin to take actions that are emotionally-driven and often contrary to that party's true best interests. Typical of such decisions are the following actions: canceling credit cards or charge accounts; withdrawing or transferring funds from bank accounts; changing the status of beneficiaries on life, health or auto insurance policies; and ultimately, hiring a lawyer "to look out for their rights." While these actions are seen by the party undertaking them as defensive, they are invariably experienced by the other spouse as aggressive and threatening.