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Your Legacy. The difference between death and dying and everything else in between........
    

By Susan B. Geffen

Gerontologist, Elder Law Attorney, Author

The difference between death and dying is that from the minute we are born we are dying and then it is no longer a process, death is the end. 

This is the human experience. No matter what religion, what color, what political beliefs we hold, that is the great equalizer. What is vastly different amongst us is what we do in between and what we leave behind. This is our legacy. 

 
Because I do estate planning and help with the administration of estates when someone passes, I have a bird's eye view of what so many people leave behind. I am not talking about their personal affects or wealth. 

Although, clearly if you do not make a plan for where your things will go (such as a trust) your legacy for your children will be a probate, a long expensive court involved process. 

Here, I am talking about the integrity of the family unit, the friendships and their philanthropy. (After you read this. please go to My Watchdog report below, after this article, to see the Trust Mill Scam perpetrated on my client). 

What Is Your Legacy? 

In my seminars I say "As long as you are alive you have a future" and I truly believe that. 

When I hear someone who has engaged in bad or hurtful behavior say, "this is who I am and I am too old to change," I ask them if they have dementia.

Invariably the response is no. I ask this question because it is never too late to change or change your mind unless your mind is no longer your own. 

The question is, "Are your actions consistent with what you want your legacy to be?" If not, take a deep breath and get to work. I believe in our infinite capacity to love and forgive. Sometimes, all a person needs is to be asked for forgiveness. 

The acknowledgment that you have harmed another and a request for forgiveness can change your legacy. You can leave behind a person who no longer second guesses themselves. That person can go on to be a better parent and with barely any effort, you will have possibly altered the fate for multiple generations of your offspring. 

To me, that is awe inspiring. 

 
There is a place in between death and dying when many of us will be precluded from taking charge of our legacy. This can creep up on us. I met with a husband and wife the other day and she was in a bit of a panic. They have come to three of my seminars. He is 74 she is 52. 

When I met with them it was clear that she was doing quite a bit of queuing. I knew that he was struggling with minor mental capacity issues, although he had enough capacity to engage in estate planning, 

I think his wife knew that the window may be closing quickly. She was in denial for some time. Had she stayed in that place and not taken action when she did, she would become a spouse devastated financially from the cost of his care. 

A dedicated spouse cannot overcome the reality of impoverishment. But for putting an asset protection trust in place, that would have been his legacy to her, a kind and devoted woman. 

So much of what we do is guided by our ego.

Relating to my seminars again, I literally beg people to put their egos aside when making a plan to be safe. It is hard to strip yourself and look in the mirror for flaws. But until you do that you cannot put measures in place to overcome the deficits staring back at you.

If you do not take stock of your legacy while you are dying (meaning today), in the end you will have failed to put measures in place to create the good memories that most of us want the people (and society) we leave behind to hold of us. 

The love in my heart for all of you is vast. I want that to be heard and remembered.  

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