Most students are quite confident as they log in to view their final grades. They stayed on track, consistently attended their classes and kept up with their coursework. Unfortunately some students lost their academic focus somewhere along the way during the semester and seeing those final grades is a cold splash of reality. Facing the end of a less than positive semester can cause regrets, self-doubt, and discouragement.
When grades are posted, we hope to celebrate success and offer well-deserved praise...but that may not be the case for some of us. Despite your disappointment, this can be an opportunity to forge a strong bond between the two of you; recognize her as an adult, allow her to take full responsibility for the choices made during the semester, and create a plan for the future. So here are some thoughts to consider:
1. Before the two of you discuss the semester, take a deep breath and try to calm your emotions. Your conversation will be much more fruitful if you can approach it with thoughtfulness and purpose.
2. Your student likely feels worse than you do. Not only are there the consequences of poor academic performance, there is also the added stress of having disappointed you. These are powerful feelings and even more challenging than the sense of personal failure from a bombed out semester.
3. If you approach the situation as a tough but valuable learning experience, she may become stronger, both academically and personally. We learn much from our failures and even more from having the chance to rise above them. Everyone occasionally needs a "do over" and this may be your opportunity to encourage that option.
4. Talk to him about what went wrong during the semester (preferably with a calm approach). Did he get caught up in the social scene? Attend class regularly? Need help with study skills? Have other issues that overshadowed the focus on academics? A conversation from the heart can be most helpful at this point - especially if you can find ways to approach him as a young adult taking responsibility for his actions - and not just as your child who may have let you down.
5. Talk about next year and next steps. This may be a fresh start; an opportunity to begin again with a stronger sense of purpose and focus. Encourage her to take advantage of campus resources that will prove beneficial in improving academic performance. Ask how you can help prepare for the return to college and provide helpful support during the summer. What does she need from you? What does she need from us?
6. And please remind your student how much you love 'em! One messed up semester doesn't make your love go away. Your trust and support are essential in moving towards positive change.
