Most students are quite confident as they log in to view their final grades. They stayed on track, consistently attended their classes and kept up with their coursework. Unfortunately some students lost their academic focus somewhere along the way during the semester and seeing those final grades is a cold splash of reality. Facing the end of a less than positive semester can cause regrets, self-doubt, and discouragement.
When grades are posted, we hope to celebrate our student's success and offer well-deserved praise...but that may not be the case for some of us. Despite your disappointment, this can be an opportunity to forge a strong bond between you and your student; recognize your student as an adult, allow your student to take full responsibility for the choices made during the semester, and create a plan for the future. So here are some thoughts to consider:
1. Before you discuss the semester with your student, take a deep breath and try to calm your emotions. Your conversation will be much more fruitful if you can approach it with thoughtfulness and purpose.
2. Your student likely feels worse than you do. Not only is he or she dealing with the consequences of poor academic performance, there is also the added stress of having disappointed you. These are powerful feelings and even more challenging than the sense of personal failure from a bombed out semester.
3. If you approach the situation as a tough but valuable learning experience, your student may become stronger, both academically and personally. We learn much from our failures and even more from having the chance to rise above them. Everyone occasionally needs a "do over" and this may be your opportunity to encourage that option.
4. Talk to your student about what went wrong during the semester (preferably with a calm approach). Did he or she get caught up in the social scene? Attend class regularly? Need help with study skills? Have other issues that overshadowed the focus on academics? A conversation from the heart can be most helpful at this point - especially if you can find ways to approach your student as a young adult taking responsibility for his or her actions - and not just as your child who may have let you down.
5. Talk about spring semester. It is a fresh start, an opportunity to begin again with a stronger sense of purpose and focus. Encourage your student to take advantage of campus resources that will prove beneficial in improving academic performance. Ask how you can help prepare for the return to college and provide helpful support during this next semester. What does your student need from you? What does your student need from us?
6. And finally, remind your student how much you love 'em! He or she may have really messed up this semester, but your love doesn't go away. Your trust and support are essential in moving towards positive change.
And finally, please know that we are here to help support you and your student however possible.
Sincerely,
Shari Glaser
Director, Parent and Family Programs
P.S. Your student may be living at home for the extended holiday break. If you would like to re-read the helpful tips sent out prior to the Thanksgiving long weekend, click here.
Parent and Family Programs will be closed from Dec. 20 - Jan. 6, reopening on Monday, Jan. 7, 2013. I will be checking email occasionally throughout the holiday break.
