Dealing with Guilt in Caregiving

When you feel overcome with guilt, ask yourself about the source of your expectations. Whose standards are you trying to meet? You may be placing impossible demands on yourself.

• How you relate to your children is more important than what you do for them. It's OK for them to bring store-bought brownies instead of homemade gingerbread cookies to the class holiday party.
• If you must take care of a family emergency during work hours, don't apologize to your coworkers. Excessive apologies reinforce the idea that you're doing something wrong.
• Everyone defines "quality time" differently. Resist the urge to pack too many activities into a Saturday afternoon in order to make up for being at work all week. Use the time with your child to relax, talk or do household chores.
• Plan for unexpected family crises. Identify friends and family members who can help in an emergency. Keep a spare set of house keys with a neighbor.
• Be consistent about your expectations of your children. Don't let guilt interfere with discipline. All children need limits and boundaries in order to develop independence .
• If you must go to work when your child is sick, leave a photo
  of yourself or a tape recording of your voice. Ask the child's caregiver to reassure the child of your concern.
• Let go of guilt when you lose your temper or forget to kiss
  your children goodbye. Kids forget little mistakes. What's
  important is that you provide a consistent, warm and loving
  environment and that you're available to listen to your kids'
  feelings and concerns. 
• Most parents' guilty feelings stem from a fear that their children may not turn out all right. If you feel guilty too often, get some perspective. Talk about your feelings with other parents and friends. You'll probably realize that your worries are unrealistic.
  When you can't shake lingering guilt, consider talking to a
  professional counselor.
• Avoid trying to buy your way out of your guilt by giving your children expensive gifts.
• Trust that you're doing the best you can with the demands placed on you and that your best is good enough.

How well do you manage stress?

1. I exercise three times a week.
2. I eat a balanced diet that includes lots of fresh fruits and vegetables and whole-grain breads and cereals.
3. I share my feelings with a partner or friend on a regular basis.
4. I avoid perfectionism and set realistic goals for myself at home and at work.
5. I practice relaxation or meditation techniques each week.
6. I avoid alcohol and other drugs for dealing with pressure.
7. I'm good at giving and receiving positive strokes.
8. I plan regular recreational activities that provide a complete change of scenery.
9. I avoid emotional "overload." I've learned to say "no" when I need to.
10. I feel satisfied with my work commitments and my employer's expectations of me.

If you scored:

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