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New Year's Resolutions: Successful or Disappointing?
So you want to make a New Year's resolution. Maybe it is a different resolution than the one you made for 2013, or maybe it is the same one you have made for the past several years. Before you sign-up for another gym membership or purge your kitchen cupboards of any item remotely resembling a carbohydrate, consider this:
What is a "resolution," anyway?
Simply put, a resolution is an expressed and purposeful intention for change. We are hopeful creatures, we humans, driven toward bettering ourselves and our lives.We want to achieve, cure, strengthen, develop, build and overcome.We are remarkable in our capacity for achievement.But we have a darker side, too.Human beings are prone to self-criticism, feelings of failure, despondency and disappointment. We can easily become disillusioned with our dreams.
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| How do we kindle our desire for change while keeping our tendency toward pessimism at bay? | |
Our hopes for change can become easily overwhelmed by intentions which are too grand, or which don't fit with our basic values and priorities.
Start this year by asking what changes you really want and why you want them. Change for change sake is ill-fated. You must have a sense of how differences in your behaviours or habits will bring about a meaningful and measurable improvement in your over-all quality of life.
Consider a very common New Year's resolution: losing extra pounds. The idea of losing weight in order to look good is an understandable desire, but does it really reflect what you want? Perhaps what you want is to have a more positive view of yourself, or to find yourself in a new relationship in which you feel valued. Once you have understood what your underlying motivation is, you can imagine that weight loss might be only one part of the end goal.In addition, you could think about being more socially active, changing your wardrobe, taking up a new activity. Diversifying resolutions means that if you are not as successful in one area (for example weight loss), you can be more successful in another area (for example taking a dance class).
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Having first reflected on what life-changes would be most meaningful for you and why, you are probably ready to carve out some intentions for change. While identifying your resolutions, continue to ask yourself: "Is this what I really want and why?"
- Start this year with only resolutions which relate to a single underlying wish for change. Your efforts will be more focused and efficient, each area of effort supporting the next. For example, if your underlying wish for change is to improve your health and increase activity, related resolutions might be: walking to work three times a week and cutting out desserts five days out of seven.
- Keep the number of resolutions to a minimum. Your chances of success increase by limiting the number of resolutions you have to remember and manage. For example, three resolutions will give you a chance to make gains in one area if other resolutions prove too great a challenge. Seven resolutions could compete for time and attention and might sabotage your end goal.
- Keep resolutions moderate, measurable and flexible. Look at breaking down your goals into small steps. You wouldn't start a running program by completing a marathon! Try beginning at the most manageable level and create flexibility to increase the level of challenge when you are ready.
- Make a specific plan in order to support your resolution. For example, if you want to become more socially active, how will you do it? What opportunities are available to you and what are the steps necessary to access these? What is the financial commitment involved? What is the time commitment? Work-out the details first so that you have few impediments in your way when you are ready to start.
- Consider what hasn't worked in the past. There is no need to repeat past mistakes. Change your approach, modify the goal. Don't give up on what you want.
- Make your resolutions public and ask for the support you need. Tell your partner or a friend why you want change and ask him or her to remind you when you appear to be flailing a little. Remember The Beatles song: "We get by with a little help from our friends."
- Measure successes more than disappointments. Keep a journal that recognizes the changes that you have made rather than the changes you have yet to make. Do this at least once a week.
- Be kind to yourself. Change doesn't occur on a twelve-month cycle.The changes you are working towards are likely ones that you want to last a life time.Remember that you are changing your habits. Establishing new habits will take at least thirty days of conscious and intentional dedication.The good news is that once the new habit becomes integrated, you won't need to think about it as much.When was the last time that you had to think about brushing your teeth in the morning or tying up your shoe laces before leaving the house?The changes you are making now may eventually come that naturally to you.
Finally, if you miss out making resolutions this New Year's Eve, don't despair. Any day will do for making them. All it takes is the recognition of what you want and why. If it matters enough to you, change will happen.
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Valerie Mills-Milde, MSW, RSW
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FSEAP offers confidential professional assistance on a wide variety of personal and work-related issues. For more information on your EAP, call 1.800.668.9920 or visit your MyEAP Web site at www.myfseap.com.
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*Clicking on this link will open a new window and take you to a Web site that is not affiliated with myfseap.com or Family Services Employee Assistance Programs. Links to other sites of interest are provided here as a service to you, however, we can make no claim as to the accuracy or validity of any information contained on these sites. As always, speak with a counsellor or physician for advice that is specific to you and your situation. |
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This newsletter is to provide timely information to readers; contents are not intended as advice to individual problems. Please contact your EAP professional for assistance. Editorial material is to be used at your discretion and does not necessarily imply endorsement by Family Services Employee Assistance Programs. |
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