Newsletter July 25, 2013 - 18 Menachem Av 5773
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Re-Elevating A Relationship
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One of the most painful moments of my life resulted from one of the most treasured, and transformed all of my relationships.
My Chavruta, study partner, E, was, ten years older, self-taught in Latin, Ancient Greek and Arabic so he could study important texts in their original form, and universally considered on of the top students in the Yeshiva. We had nothing in common until we opened a volume of Talmud and began to wage war.
We studied and battled five hours straight every day without interruption. Intellectually exhausted at the end of each study session, we parted without any expressions of friendship. We were excellent adversaries and terrible friends.
Two lines of text led to our most intense battle. The five hours stretched into eight, and we stopped only for evening prayers. I wasn't exhausted, but energized, and couldn't sleep as I reviewed all his points and considered ways to convince him that he was wrong. The battle began the following afternoon as if there had not been a pause, and continued again until evening services. For the second night in a row, I was too intellectually stimulated to sleep, had no interest in studying for an Organic Chemistry exam, and counted the seconds until we would reengage in battle. I had never felt so alive. I had found an incredibly high level friend.
The third day of battle began, and it was clear that E had also not slept. He too was excited to get going, and he actually smiled at me and said, "Thank you for the best learning of my life. Now, I'll explain why you are wrong!"
My grandfather zt"l summoned us when our shouting grew too loud and asked to hear both points of view. We presented the two arguments without identifying the source. My grandfather smiled, "I know the way each of you thinks," turned to E, and continued, "my grandson is right," and explained why.
What a fabulous moment on so many levels, and I did not hold back a prideful smirk at E's expense.
We only realized how exhausted we were when we sat down, and agreed to end early and meet the following day. The thrill of our shared experience had disappeared and I understood why, when I saw the hurt in the eyes of my new, and most real, friend. Oh, how I wished I hadn't smirked!
I ran to my father zt"l for guidance, and he immediately drove me to the Hebrew bookstore. "Am I supposed to fix this with a gift?"
My father, who drove me home every day, and had waited on both days, had carefully observed us, and explained, "It isn't enough to repair such a high level relationship; you have to elevate it to a level at which you will protect it - a level at which such things will not cause so much pain. You have to re-elevate the relationship!"
I handed E my gift the next day. He read the inscription, and then handed a gift to me. He too, wanted to re-elevate the relationship. I still use his gift and read his inscription every day.
E and I asked my father for the source of his idea of re-elevating a relationship. "I read the second paragraph of Shema, an expanded version of the first, as elevating our relationship with God even higher than that described in the opening section."
He continued, "Husbands and wives, parents and children, teachers and students, and friends, should never just get over an argument. They should re-elevate the relationship higher than ever, to a place so precious to both that such arguments do not occur."
This week's favorite essay: "The First Step Through The Door." We also have numerous essays on "Parsha Mitzvot-Eikev."
Shabbat Shalom.
Rabbi Simcha L. Weinberg President If you are interested in sponsoring our  winning Newsletter, please email info@thefoundationstone.org Go to our Blog  Follow us on Twitter   Become a Fan  |
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