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I cherish solitude, yet I've often heard older people sadly express that they find that the most available freedom is to live alone. They prefer to imagine themselves through a filter of associations and links, and suffer from an alarming surplus of time alone. I, blessed with family, students and friends, treasure time alone to see myself unfiltered, and consider my relationship with God. Two weeks with no power, and intermittent phone and Internet offered a taste of time on my own, but the mare's nest of post-Sandy life attenuated the experience. Five days alone in Sedona, Arizona was a perfect opportunity to enjoy solitude. I stayed up most of the night learning, only to discover that I was not alone. I had a huge Wolf spider on my bed for company. Shabbat laws were controlling my response, preventing me from trapping or killing my formidable adversary. I was conscious of God looking over my shoulder, but I had to battle the monster on my own, not the kind of alone of which I dreamed.
Events offered time alone, as I recovered from the trauma in time to take a Pink Jeep ride up into the mountains for a wedding. Although there were five jeeps with ten people in each, the ride offered moments of solitude in silent communion with the Creator overwhelmed by the magnificent sandstone formations and awe-inspiring views.
We were gathered for a wedding that was the fulfillment of the groom's dream to be married in Sedona, and as we shared in the joy of the new couple, we were so moved by the power of a dream realized that many of us quietly considered our own dreams. We experienced, in a crowd, the freedom of solitude.
This week's portion, Toledot, is about relationships. "The son of," the brother of," "the mother of," "her son," "his brother," etc. are repeatedly used to describe every person in the portion. Yet, despite all the family geography, there is a powerful sense of loneliness throughout the story. Rebecca suffers the confusion of her pregnancy without her husband. Jacob sits alone in his tent. Isaac sits quietly with his plans for his two sons. Esau's desperate attempts to win his father's love by pretending to be someone he was not bespeak a man devastatingly alone. The unspoken debates about the future of the family between Isaac and Rebecca, and Jacob and his parents, lend a loud lonely silence to the story. Jacob sits alone trembling as his father realizes that he has been tricked. I read, because of the filter of associations and links, a tale of people alone. The portion concludes with Jacob traveling by himself far away from home, and Esau marrying and connecting with extended family. Jacob, the blessed son is alone, while Esau, the desecrator of the birthright, discovers relationships.
The family that was to become, "A nation that will dwell in solitude (Numbers 23:9)," had to learn how to stand alone with God, experience the loneliness that would characterize its place in the world. They had to understand that hundreds of missiles could rain down on Israel and the world would condemn the victim. Israel stands familiarly alone. Jacob exits the portion alone in his objective to live as God instructed, able to stand firm in his vision even when criticized by Laban. He does not measure his relationship with God based on others' perceptions. He has defined his personal, even lonely, relationship, with God. Esau, who lacks the ability to live alone without approval, finds relationships that ultimately fail. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and attach to his wife (Genesis 2:24)." A person must experience the solitude of "leave his father and mother," and discover himself before he is prepared to develop an expansive relationship.
I cherish solitude. I'm uncomfortable with loneliness. Both are necessary if we want to know ourselves well enough to further develop our relationships and share our convictions. They teach us, even when battling a wolf spider with God looking over our shoulders, how to find ourselves when sharing a jeep ride, standing on a rock formation, or praying with many other people. The solitude allows us to define our personal relationship with God, and hopefully never feel completely alone.
Shabbat Shalom, Rabbi Simcha L. Weinberg President If you are interested in sponsoring our  winning Newsletter, please email info@thefoundationstone.org Go to our Blog  Follow us on Twitter   Become a Fan  |
