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Parashat 
Va-yiggash
 
Who's the Bully?

 

December 6, 2013

4 Tevet 5774

 

Candle Lighting: 4:24 p.m.


Dear Friends:


On Tuesday I had one of my Community Jewish High classes participate in a provocative discussion.

Joseph the Dreamer
We began by reading the first chapter of the Joseph story from the Torah. In Genesis 28 we learn that Joseph "tattled" on his brothers, shared with them his dreams of one day lording it over them, and that his father favored him above his siblings by giving him an ornamented tunic, or "coat of many colors." His outraged brothers schemed to get even. They threw him into a pit and sold him into Egyptian slavery. They then reported to their father, Jacob, that Joseph had been killed by wild beasts.  
 
We discussed this story in terms of "bullying." According to one definition, "Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance." In one way or another, all of the participants in the Joseph story were bullies. The hurt and recriminations quickly escalated and all of them were wounded in the end.

Joseph in the Pit
My students then performed an exercise that I found in a USY Kinnus source book. All of the students wrote negative characteristics on an index card, such as, "arrogant," "mean," "selfish," "callous," etc. The students stood in groups of three and I gave each student one of the cards to hold against their forehead. The student who held the card did not see what was written on it, but the other two in their group did. Students were instructed to speak to the others in their group in a way which reflected the quality written on the card on their head.

The atmosphere in the room became hostile and angry. Students spoke to each other as if they were dealing with obnoxious, petty, etc. individuals. It was not pretty!

Afterwards, when we analyzed what took place, I pointed out that the exercise was about "labeling" people. Once a student was identified with a particular negative characteristic, it no longer made any difference what he or she said or did. Students were judged according to the label on their forehead.

I asked them to think of how their angry conversations and recriminations escalated in terms of the Joseph story. A few minutes before, they had been critical of Jacob, Joseph, and his brothers' growing animosity toward each other as they each sought to get back at those who had hurt them. "Why hadn't one of them stopped engaging in payback and try to make peace?" they asked. And now, not more than five minutes later, they had done the same thing!

It's human nature, I suppose. Even when we know the right thing to do, we often do the opposite. It takes thoughtfulness, patience, and perseverance to stop an argument rather than escalate it.

Judah sets an example of such perseverance when he approached Joseph and asked him not to take Benjamin captive in Egypt. The midrash says that Judah's heartfelt entreaty can be compared to the actions of the man who approached a well that so was deep that no one could drink from it. Most people walked away in exasperation, however one man decided to tie several ropes together, attached a bucket to one end, and slowly lowered it into the water. It took him a long time to lower the bucket and then lift it up again but in the end, he was able to enjoy the clear cool water.

The brothers reconcile
So it was with Judah. His quiet persistence finally penetrated Joseph's heart and he forgave his brothers.

May Judah's example be an inspiration to all of us.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Leonard Rosenthal
Tifereth Israel Synagogue
San Diego, CA 92119 
 

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Shabbat Candle Lighting: 4:24 p.m. 
 
Family Shabbat: 6:15 p.m.
  
Shabbat Morning Service: 9:15 a.m.
Torah Discussion Group following the service
rabbi@tiferethisrael.com
619-697-6001