July 2015 

Habits Don't Change Anything... 
Just Your Life
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I'm on a reading binge and loving it. It's one of the few binges that has no extra pounds, credit card debts, or hangovers attached to it. While my life was once in a lull, I'm now in my LAWL phase - my Love Affair With Learning -, and I have no intention of stopping. My last year has been one full of topsy turvy change which, with a few exceptions, affected every area of my life. Things got messy really quickly.

 

I began reading books that touched different aspects of my inner landscape and addressed my personal and professional goals, and found it incredibly anchoring. While I get great satisfaction from reading and absorbing new and evergreen topics that help me to grow, I often get distracted by what I call my Itty Bitty Committee (Negative Self-Talk) clamoring "How will I have the time to read all these books?" The "Committee" really diminishes the love I have for learning and sharing what I learn.

 

Then it happened....I developed a small simple habit that changed everything: I read 10 pages a day from one of the books on my list.

 

I got that simple tool from reading The Slight Edge
by Jeff Olsen, which outlines that big quantum leaps are never what brings the long term success in one's life, but rather daily practices in each of the areas of our lives that are important to us. Nice on paper but what about in its application? When Olsen did the math for me, 10 pages a day is 3,650 pages a year. Most books are around around 200-250 pages, so this small habit practiced daily will add up to reading between 15 and 20 books by the end of the year. WOW!

 

Olsen went on to say that we develop both positive and negative habits the exact same way, a little bit everyday, so why not re-route the direction of your life by building habits that support you?

 

What has changed for me is now I delight in adding new books to my list, trusting that I will get to them in due time with my 10 pages a day habit, OR, that by the time I do get to them, they may no longer hold any interest for me. I can trust that I'll learn what I need to learn and my reading habit is well in place.

 

I am often reminded that almost everything I've created in my life that is SUSTAINABLE was the product of small habits built over time. Big pushes usually end up in burnout or projects indefinitely left on the back burner.

 

Another book I love and highly recommend is Better than Before; Mastering the Habits of Everyday Life by Gretchen Rubin (author of The Happiness Project). Rubin is a terrific writer who not only rigorously researched and self-tested countless strategies for implementing habits on your own terms, but also ascribes to a ONE-SIZE DOES 
NOT FIT ALL methodology. By learning which of the Four Tendencies you are (Obliger, Upholder, Questioner, and Rebel), you can create a customized program of habit forming practices that will support you. As a result, you'll experience less resistance. I've already used some of these tendencies both personally and with my clients.

I often get hired to do keynotes at Women's Leadership and Empowerment Conferences. My goal is to inspire, motivate and edu-tain women on how to feel more engaged in their lives. I use a variety of methods to reach that goal. These methods can include anything from how to passionately 

self-promote themselves from a place of joy and sharing, to taking a creative approach when dealing with negative 

self-talk, to the actual logistics of building a business. 


 

While I find it incredibly rewarding to feel the shift in the room from fear to excitement, as well as the overall feedback of how much more empowered the participants feel, I know that nothing much will change unless a habit is built to sustain that joy and excitement for life. That's why I always give very specific tools to help build those habits into their lives as part of my presentation. As human beings we tend to over complicate things with long lists, instead of the few simple habits you really need and the principles that will support you to implement them and create more sustainability.  

 

In closing, I'd like to suggest a few basic principles that I've found really helpful while coaching close to 800 clients, speaking to thousands of people, and in my own daily 
self-anthropological experimentation:

 

Habits 101

Simple Simple Simple - Make them super simple, ESPECIALLY in the beginning. Simple new habits, like reading 10 pages a day, can easily become automatic.

 

Alignment - Don't pick habits just because SOMEONE told you to do them. If you loathe running, but like me, you're crazy legs on the dance floor, then put on some music and dance for 5 minutes. You may be thinking, "Duh! Why would I adopt a habit that I hate just because someone told me to?", but it happens all the time.


 

Honor Resistance but Don't Fall In Love with It - I can go into a whole brain chemistry conversation connecting information on the ego and reptilian brain to the origin of your resistance to change, but in short, most of us both crave and fear change at the same time. Letting the resistance come up, taking a moment to hear its "This will never work, why bother," blah blah blah rant will free up your energy. Notice it, but still take the action. When you observe it versus engage with it, you get to learn a lot about your own process.

 

Give Yourself Time to Implement and THEN Course Correct IF NEEDED - If you love options like me, a card carrying member of the More is More Club, then give yourself a fixed time, for example 30 days, to say, "I am going to stick to this one habit, in this one area of my life." Negotiate after 30 days, that you can swap or refine it AFTER you've tested it out. Otherwise, you'll never reap the benefits or get the info that you need to see if it's the right habit for you.

 

Consistency Trumps Perfectionism - Shoot for consistency instead of perfection. Perfectionism is Fear in Drag.

 

As Bonnie Raitt said in one of her songs, "Let's give 'em something to talk about. A little mystery to figure out!" 

Hop on over to the comment section of my Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/LoisBarth?fref=ts and share your experience and thoughts. Feel free to pass this along to someone in your life who might find it helpful.

 

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Want to learn more how to connect with your Courage to SPARKLE; Creating a Life that Lights You Up?  Listen in on my podcast with Melinda Ferguson, creator of Stress Free Living Energy Summit, http://lifecanbegolden.com/funr

 

Would you like to see greater engagement in your organization? Could your team benefit from some simple and easy-to-apply habits that are aligned with your company's goals?  Lois provides Powerful Solutions delivered in a Playful way! Email her at [email protected] to see how she can support your organization.

 

E-mail me at [email protected]

 

 

Lois Barth

www.LoisBarth.org