Transition....It's Not a Pretty Sight, but Essential for Growth; 

5 Best Ways to Thrive during Change

Several years ago, I was in my business strategy master mind, and one of the members, we'll call him Frank, was complaining about how his co-workers were not on board, and his new burgeoning business that he expected would take off by now, hadn't even got past the idea stage.

"It's all wrong, the timing is off, the team is so unmotivated....." he ranted.

The leader at the time, Kathy, gave him a darting stare, and in a "the facts sir, just the facts, type of way" said, "Frank, transition it's not a pretty sight," whereupon we all broke into laughter. The laughter of recognition.

While it is frustrating when you feel like you're swimming upstream and can't catch a wave, I've found that in many cases, it's usually because you're in a transition, and either haven't recognized it, or are up against your fear.

The fear of the unknown and uncertainty can be really scary. I know that, because that's what the bulk of my clients (both in my speaking and coaching) come to me for.

They are dealing with their Itty Bitty Committee (negative self-talk), or having a tough time giving themselves permission to go for their dreams, clarifying next right steps, and need a sounding board to run ideas by, a professional who is unbiased but supportive.

Here are 5 Power Principles that will support you in thriving at best, or not driving yourself crazy as a good enough second place, when dealing with change and transition.

1) Be real with your feelings around change- While some people are motivated and jazzed up around change, many of us magical mortals are often confronted. As Anne Sexton the poet said, "You can't chase a phantom," you must fill in your phantom fears with proverbial arms and legs. Write down all your fears and take the three top ones, and ask yourself, "What is the worst thing that I fear can happen in this case?" and then just do some free associative writing without giving it much thought. When you commit to pen and paper you'll see how far from reality those fears are, or maybe you'll see that it's not so terrible if they come true. One client didn't feel good enough to launch a business, and said, "I'm afraid the snooty neighbor down the hall will judge me," to which I said, "Maybe she will, what will happen if that happens?" She laughed and said, "Nothing, I guess. I don't even like her now, what do I care!" and we both laughed at the same time

2) Are your beliefs productive, and if not, upgrade them-

I worked with a trainer who once said, forget positive thinking, switch to productive thinking. That one line permanently changed my life. Once you've looked at your belief, ask yourself, "Is it productive to think this way?" Invariably if you're stressed out, the answer will be a resounding "NO!" and then you can ask yourself, "What would be a more productive way to think?"

What's great about that question is that we don't need to slap on a happy face band-aid, but rather to be real with more productive thinking. Write the more productive belief and say it out loud. When you are up against beliefs that are stopping you, just stop, breathe, let the fear come up, and then just add this new belief. It's amazing how sometimes just switching tunes, in your mental juke box is the best approach.

3) Befriend Structure- I'm fascinated by people's relationship to structure, it almost always mirrors one's relationship to authority. For me, my father was extremely structured, he'd map out his day with a schedule and organize his money in his wallet, in order of denomination, with the  president's faces, all going in the same direction. My Mom on the other hand, was allergic to any structure or order. She never kept a schedule and you'd take your life in your hands when you opened the coat closet; praying that some two decade old expired Oil of Olay didn't come flying from the ceiling. I saw early on that I both craved and rebelled against structure, so I need just enough to anchor me, but not too much where I feel stifled.

Having coached close to 800 clients at this point, I have seen that when people are in transition, structure is a must. It is a stabilizing force when so much of one's life is influx. I advise clients who are in a job transition, and not working to create a work schedule for themselves (it can be loosely structured) so they don't feel all over the place. Daily and weekly rituals where they can assess and measure their progress, can be very beneficial and soothing during periods of change.

4) Look at change through the eyes of expansion-While it's important to honor your fears and resistance around change and transition, it's equally important to allow yourself to get excited about all the possibilities that are available during change. There may be career opportunities, or personal opportunities to step into a far more bolder, courageous self. Fear is energy, and if you can release some of the self-defeating conversations around it, you can feel free to ride the energy of fear, and become engaged by it. Look at what's possible through this change that you're going through. 

Embrace the energizing part of transition. As human's we are both divine and human. The divine part of us wants to expand and grow, while the human/caveman-cavewoman, adaptive aspect, is hard wired towards safety and survival, that has kept us alive these last several millions of years. Let both aspects befriend and inform each other.

5) Get your support team in place- Nobody does it alone and if they do, they are really suffering badly. Get clear the type of support you need. I have a business coach, a web master, an assistant and an intern. What do you need? I also have a weekly action buddy, and a self-care support group and some amazing close friends who talk me off the cliff, when I'm getting ahead of myself in a way that is quite dangerous (emotionally that is).

Identify not only the individual roles of people on your team, but the kind of support. Sometimes you need a sounding board, an idea person, a cheerleader. Knowing what you need makes all the difference in the world. One of the questions I often ask my clients are, "What kind of support would be helpful for you right now?" Often they may not know but it gives them a chance to pause to think about it for awhile.

May the energy of new beginnings be with you, and may these 5 Power Principles pave the way for that to happen!

If you know people in your life that would benefit from this newsletter, please feel free to pass it along to them, or share with your community.

 Lois Barth is a human development expert who supports groups and individuals in closing the gap between where they are and where they want to be, so they can thrive both personally and professionally. A regularly sought out speaker and coach, who brings her unique 3 P's; Powerful, Practical and Playful Approach to assist them in doing that. She is quoted regularly in WSJ, Weight Watchers, Elle.com amongst many others and is the Motivational Mindset Expert for Fit Studio (Sears) and the "Stress Less...Thrive More" Lady for CT Style TV (ABC Affiliate) www.loisbarth.org