Business people unfamiliar with referral networking sometimes lose sight of the fact that networking is the means--not the end--of their business-building activities. They attend three, four, even five events in a week in a desperate grasp for new business. The predictable result is that they stay so busy meeting new people that they never have time to follow up and cultivate those relationships--and how can they expect to get new business from someone they've only just met? As one of these unfortunates remarked to me, "I feel like I'm always networking but rarely getting anything done."
I certainly agree that meeting new people is an integral part of networking, but it's important to remember why we're doing it in the first place: to develop a professional rapport with individuals that will deepen over time into a trusting relationship that will eventually lead to a mutually beneficial and continuing exchange of referrals.
When meeting someone for the first time, focus on the potential relationship you might form. As hard as it may be to suppress your business reflexes, at this stage you cannot make it your goal to sell your services or promote your company. You're there to get to know a new person. A friend of mine told me something his dad always said: "You don't have to sell to friends." That's especially good advice when interacting with new contacts.
This doesn't mean you'll never get to sell anything to people you meet while networking; it does, however, mean that you'll need to employ a different approach. Networking isn't about closing business deals or meeting hordes of new people; it's about developing relationships in which future business can be closed. Once you understand that and put it into practice, you'll notice a few things happening to your business.
First, you'll stand out from the crowd with everyone you meet. People often ask me how they can get business at an event when there are so many other people trying to do the same thing. I simply tell them to be different. A good way to do that is by asking a new contact good questions and taking the time to listen to her answers. (A "good" question is one that gets the person talking about herself while helping you understand her business. It's not an opportunity for you to vet this person as a client.)
