To love at all, is to be vulnerable
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It costs so much to be a full human being that there are very few who have the enlightenment, or the courage, to pay the price. One has to abandon altogether the search for security, and reach out to the risk of living with both arms. One has to embrace the world like a lover, and yet demand no easy return of love. One has to accept pain as a condition of existence. One has to court doubt and darkness as the cost of knowing. One needs a will stubborn in conflict, but apt always to the total acceptance of every consequence of living and dying. Morris West
Sometimes the world tries to knock it out of you. But I believe in music the way some people believe in fairy tales. August Rush (the movie)
Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable. Mary Oliver
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Sherry Turkle visited a Darwin exhibit at the American Museum of Natural History with her teenage daughter.
At the entrance of the shows stood a cage with two grand Galapagos turtles. Feeling sorry for the turtles and completely unmoved by the wonder of their presence, Turkle's daughter remarked that the museum could "just as well have used robots." Other children in line agreed, to their parent's dismay.
Intrigued, Turkle returned again and again to interview visitors to the exhibit and found that for most children "aliveness doesn't seem worth the trouble, and seems to have no intrinsic value." Moreover if a realistic robotic turtle was used, the children didn't think people needed to be told that it wasn't real, or alive. (From the book "Distracted")
I shake my head in bemusement.
But I get it. And it's not just children. Using a robot (or living robotic) is easier. And not just for Galapagos turtles. I have done the same thing with my own emotional and spiritual life. And with my heart. It works. It's a good way to protect myself. Or, ourselves. You know, to live guarded from the "pinpricks and caresses of the real world."
This story about the turtles resonates because I have had some conversations this week with friends--old and new--about fear. More specifically, about the fear that comes from being real (living authentic and true to our self).
Will you be my friend? There are so many reasons why you never should: Often I'm too serious, seldom predictably the same, Sometimes cold and distant, probably I'll always change. I bluster and brag, seek attention like a child. I brood and pout, my anger can be wild, But I will make you laugh And love you quite a bit And be near when you're afraid. I shake a little almost every day Because I'm more frightened than the strangers ever know And if at times I show my trembling side (the anxious, fearful part I hide) I wonder, will you be my friend? James Kavanaugh
So here's the deal: To love at all (anything in life) is to be vulnerable. I get it. What troubles me, is how easy it is to feel afraid. As if I am wary of the very gifts--thoughts, feelings, desires, passions, yearnings, creative impulses, callings--that God put inside of me. So I protect myself. I hide these gifts. And I apologize. While I may feel, yearn, or desire, I choose to live guarded, because I don't believe that living vulnerable is a safe place. It's as if I see these desires--bubbling up and combustible and unstinting--as an indictment of weakness, and therefore no place God can live.
It reminds me of the dean's speech, at the school where Patch Adams studied medicine, "We're going to train the humanity out of you and make you something better. We're going to make you doctors."
I heard Brian McClaren talk about the Genesis creation story. Genesis says that God created and called it good. Notice this: God did not call it perfect. Meaning what? Meaning that if it were perfect, we would merely be a maintenance crew. Instead, we are very active co-creators, involved in the process... the ongoing and unfolding of God's presence in this world.
As co-creators we are invited to approach life with open arms. To live vulnerable. Or, in the words of Alan Jones, I want to know if joy, curiosity, struggle and compassion bubble up in a person's life. I'm interested in being fully alive.
I second that.
So let's begin there. Where does joy, curiosity, struggle and compassion bubble up in your life? The Hebrew word that we translate as holy is qadosh, often defined as "set apart," but which could be accurately translated as "life intensity." I was raised in a tradition that frowned on passion or any form of a passionate life, preferring all things sedate or restrained. Which is unfortunate, because a holy life is intently dynamic, ever evolving, a rich and passionate life (even if sometimes untidy and cluttered) to celebrate and savor and nurture. I spent most of this past week with Episcopalians, in Virginia's Shenandoah Valley at a Retreat Center (where if you climbed the hillside, you could look out over West Virginia). It is a gathering of kindred spirits--most full of vim and spunk. (A handful were a little eccentric and "out of plumb," but then, they are ones who make any gathering noteworthy, aren't they?) This group has been assembling each year--some for over two decades--because it is a place where they know they can put down their armor, and be nourished, and know that splintered parts of themselves can be mended or at least pieced together for the next stage of the journey. So we talked about returning to the truthfulness of who we are, and what it means to embrace passion and to live fully alive. And we didn't shy away from emotions, knowing that the gifts of tears and laughter are wrapped with same bow. It served for me a good reminder why I need my Sanctuary space. And a good reminder why I don't need to live afraid. And a good reminder that I am still loved by an extraordinarily compassionate and benevolent and grace-overflowing Creator, even though I am often afraid.
That's where I am tonight, sitting in my living room, looking out the French doors. There is a fire in the fireplace. The Bloodgood Maple tree has dropped (or conceded, some sort of autumn offering) a third of its leaves. The bluestone patio is darker from the sheen of rain, which continues to fall softly. The stone now a deeper, almost melancholy blue, and the fallen leaves form a tousled mound. It looks from where I sit as if the leaves are an intentional frame, to demarcate the deep blood red from the steel-blue of the stone. It is dusk, colors that call for reflection, stopping, sitting and absorbing. I feel, fully, the sense of autumn resignation, but take immense joy in the fusion of color, blood red, blue-green leaves of Euphorbia, and the deep hunter green of an upright yew shrub. And so I give myself fully to this moment. And to the goosebumps on my arms. And to the desires of my heart. I not sure if all my fears are abated. But I know this, they are not nearly as important as they were earlier today.
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Poems and Prayers

Will you be my friend? A friend who far beyond the feebleness of any vow or tie Will touch the secret place where I am really I, To know the pain of lips that plead and eyes that weep, Who will not run away when you find me in the street Alone and lying mangled by my quota of defeats But will stop and stay - to tell me of another day When I was beautiful. James Kavenaugh
WHY WE DANCE...
to dance is to pray; to pray is to heal; to heal is to give; to give is to live; to live is to dance. marijo moore
Falling In Love With God
Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you will spend your weekends what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.
Pedro Arrupe, SJ
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Be Inspired
Living without Fear: The truth about intimacy --Terry Hershey (Anaheim Convention Center) --2013 Religious Education Congress.
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Notes from Terry
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