Once upon a time, not too long ago and not too far away, a rumor spread across the land. There was a place in the desert, a special place where one could transform, a place that would help one become a new self. Well - rumors like that are easily ignored by many-pooh-poohed and dismissed as woo-woo, regarded as wish-fantasy thinking that only leads to trouble at worst-or a waste of time at best.

 

The penguins, for instance, ignored the rumors completely. Transformation? Into what? And to what purpose? And in the desert? No, they were quite happy to retain the status quo. The squirrels were so busy putting away food for the future that they couldn't be bothered. The flies were too busy not getting caught to even notice the rumor. And the rabbits were so busy with all their kids that most of them didn't consider it an option. It did get the attention of the chimpanzees, though they were divided on the subject. Some thought it was a gimmicky marketing ploy to sell vacation time-shares, but many were just plain afraid of the concept of transformation altogether. They were actually afraid that they might evolve and transform into a human-surely every chimp's worst nightmare!

 

But the creatures who took the rumor most seriously were the caterpillars-a rumor like this could not be ignored. In fact, it must be investigated. They all seemed, if not totally comfortable with the idea of transformation, certainly drawn to it in some deeply mysterious way. Discussions about transformation seemed to be constant in the ranks of the caterpillars. There were the stories of ancestors who went on to new lives, new ways of being. The stories were unsubstantiated, of course, but intriguing nonetheless. Some of the stories were so unbelievable that they were just considered caterpillar science fiction. Among the stories another rumor circulated through their ranks that true transformation required dying. Huh! What a buzz-kill!! If I gotta die to transform-well, maybe this life ain't so bad after all!! But even for all that, every last one of those caterpillars felt the draw to go. And they all found themselves trying to figure out a way to get out to that magical spot in the desert where real transformation was rumored to happen.

 

But the life of a caterpillar is not sedentary by any means! It is a busy existence full of daily chores and demands, and time away is precious and rare. And so it was that among all the untold numbers of caterpillars in the world, it was only a small group of eleven that had the internal gumption, combined with favorable stars, to meet at this special place in the desert at the same time. Some say it was a random group, some say it was a group put together by the divine hand of destiny. But no one really knows, and it doesn't really matter. Because grandmother desert called them and they responded and found themselves there-all together, in the same place, at the same time. And there were rumors of transformation in the air.

 

There was familiarity among a few, but for the most part they were all strangers to one another. They looked around at the new faces, looked into the eyes of their fellow journeyers. "Wow, they are nothing like me," each one thought, "what are they doing here?!?" And at almost the same time they all thought to themselves-"What am I doing here? I been led into to this desert, for what?!? Maybe this transformation thing happens to some of them, but things always seem to stay the same for me; maybe it is just a rumor after all." Sobered, they looked around. "I mean really, look where we are-no food, no trees, no water! Oy vay!!"

 

But they gathered in circle together to talk about why they'd come, what they'd heard, what they hoped for, and what they were afraid of. And boy, oh boy, did they have some fears! And interestingly enough, no matter what someone was afraid of, it seemed that someone else was afraid of the opposite. The polarities were profound, like two sides of a coin, like twins from different mothers.

 

Some were afraid of being alone, some were afraid of being in a group. Some were afraid of being controlled, some were afraid of being controlling. Some were afraid of being too dependent, some were afraid of being too independent. Some were afraid of too much noise, some were afraid of too much quiet. Some were afraid of living, some were afraid of dying. Some were afraid of letting go, some were afraid of hanging on.

 

However, they all seemed to share the fear of monsters, and of houses-of-this-or-that. (In actuality, it was hard to tell a "monster" from a "house-of-whatever" that week anyway.) There were more fears than could even be named, but among them was the House of Dark, and the House of Unworthiness; the House of Effort, the House of Perfectionism, and the House of Judgment; and the House of Doubt, and the House of Insufficiency, and the House of Rage; there was the House of Mountain Lions, and of course, the House of Sulkenlyness.

 

Each one had a unique combination of fears and monsters that they'd been carrying around for years, fears that they'd brought with them to the desert, fears they were tired of carrying around. Some wanted to transform to heal an old would. Some wanted to transform for their community. Some wanted to transform for their children. And some just wanted to transform for themselves-dammit!!

But for all their diversity, there were a couple of things that knit the group together: They all acknowledged being bound by their old definitions of who they are and the limits they had placed on themselves; and they all wanted to find their truest, newest, real self.

 

These two things: To be released from their old limits and to find their real self. This was a yearning deep in the soul of each one in the group. They all wanted a new picture of their own self. And the yearning was indeed so deep in their souls that, not only did it get them out to this desolate spot in the desert, but each of them expressed the desire to do what ever it took, all the way to being willing to die.

 

And that seemed to be the magic key, if there was one at all-being willing to die.

And so after talking about it in circle (and out of circle) for a few days it came time to walk-the-talk. So the eleven were sent out, alone, into the desert to find a spot to die. They searched high and low, near and far, each one listening to their inner call to find just the right spot in the bosom of grandmother desert.

 

They had an idea of what they wanted, but no idea how they would get it. "What do we do when we're out there all alone?" they asked. "Just be," they were told. "But what do we do and how do we do it?" they asked. "Once you get there just be there...and you will know," they were told. And all that did was rekindle their fears. But off they went, one by one, to their individual spots of solitude.

 

Well, friends, we all know what happens to caterpillars when they go off into solitude and want to transform don't we? Of course we do-cocoons!  So they all settled into their spots of solitude and began, in their own ways, building their cocoons. And for days they worked and weaved and dreamt and spun all to make a safe place in the desert, a place safe enough to allow themselves the chance to go deep-deep into the darkest corners of their minds and hearts and lives. And dive deep they did, finding all that stuff from their caterpillar lives that didn't serve them any longer. They hunted down all the restrictive limits that they had adopted as their own throughout their lives, all those rules, limitations and misconceptions that they had given power to, that were controlling their lives.

 

They brought them to consciousness, and they looked right at them. They not only got to know them, they had true experiences of them, right down into their souls. "Wow!" the cries rang out from in their cocoons, "that isn't me, and that isn't mine!" And their emotional trash bags started filling up with all the old stuff they'd been carrying that wasn't even theirs. And it felt so good that it became major cleanse time in the desesrt-tossing stuff out left and right, dropping old baggage, cleaning their bodies and minds and spirits all down to the simple truth of who they really are. And my, oh MY, did that feel good!!

 

And then they remembered that they had agreed to die. Bummer, they thought, I was just starting to feel a little better about all this; do I have to die? But deep down they knew that the only way to have a really new life-whatever it may look like-was to die to the old one.

 

And almost like they were all of one mind, on their third night in their cocoons they let go of their old lives. They let go of their fears, they went silent, and died to their old ways. And dead they were. No path was lit before them-they had to give it all away. Everything went black. Death had come to pay them a visit.

 

And right then is when the magic happened. No one really knows how it happened, there was no formula, and no one could have guessed. But after being in that dark, lonely place for a time, when they had given it all away and invited Death in, there were stirrings in the cocoons. Stirrings and rumblings-and suddenly all hell broke loose in those cocoons! There was a shake rattle and roll, and those old cocoons made up of all their old baggage started breaking apart, breaking away-releasing them and letting them go free. "How the.....? Who the....? What the....?" They were stunned, some in disbelief; but it really happened. And one by one in their spots of solitude, they dropped their encrusted old limiting restrictive beliefs and popped their new selves out into a new world. And it was kinda weird! Everything looked the same, but it all looked oh so different. "I'm different!" they cried. Something profound happened in those cocoons....what did happen in there?!?

 

For some of them their monsters just shrunk away after being looked at directly-fear monsters don't do well in plain sight. For some, the monsters that they went in with actually became their new allies. For some, they met new allies that they had never even imagined. But they all emerged with new tools with which to meet their new world-individualized to meet the needs of their own circumstances. But once again there was a commonality among the transform-ees. For example, each of them got a custom set of wings that fit their body and was a perfect match for each body. Their first reaction was actually quite predictable-"What the heck are these things?!? It isn't going to be easy walking around in my world with these things on my back! This feels wrong, and....." And then those wings kind of stretched out on their own, almost flapped themselves a couple of times and oh MY, what a feeling!! Power. Big, new power. An inner strength that was coming from someplace they weren't exactly in touch with yet...but it was there and they could feel it.  And a couple more flaps and they found themselves off the desert floor! They were in the air, looking down on the desert! The places they had been limited to, held them no more. And as they rose they felt the freedom of leaving all their old baggage on the desert floor. Oh the joy! It is ME, but everything is new, everything has changed.

 

They soared with eagles, darted with the bats in the setting sun, scurried along the rocks with the chuckwallas, followed the jackrabbits among the creosote, watched snakes as they baked in the sun. They spoke to the rocks, listened to the mountains, felt the winds of change blow through their world.

 

fly to the highest mountains of air                                                                                                            

brother and sisters;                                                                                                                      

glide on Spirit Air,                                                                                                                            

sail on a breeze-                                                                                                                                           

through the endless sky,                                                                                                        

soar to the sun                                                                                                                                        

on wings                                                                                                                                               

carried high.                                                                                                                                                             

Look to your world                                                                                                                     

from your new high throne,                                                                                                                          

loving earth's land, rooted                                                                                                                          

your spirit is home

 

And after they had all spun their cocoons, died, busted out of their cocoons and experienced themselves reborn into their new worlds, the caterpillars gathered in circle. Each one shared their story with the whole group. The group listened in awe as each story was delivered. Amazingly, transformation had actually begun in each one! It wasn't just a rumor-it was true! And even though every story was completely unique, there were motifs that seemed to weave the stories together. Every story was about fear, and struggle, and surrender, and dying, and the unknown, and transformation.  And each person's deep yearnings were met. How did each person get something so different, yet which was exactly what he or she needed? It was just one more of the myriad of unspoken wondrous mysteries of the desert.

 

They were all amazed at the incredible power of dying in the desert-who could have known? They were all humbled by the wisdom the desert shared with them, as grandmother lovingly contained all of their hearts and minds-even in their new BIG-ness.

 

Their commitment was to hold this ceremonial ritual of transformation in their hearts and minds for a year, to let it continue the slow work of incorporating the transformation and evolution that had begun. And as they sat in their last circle, they realized that each of them was going back to the world they'd come from. In those worlds they were only known as their old self and this might create some difficulties. But the inner radiance that each one felt was so clear and strong that those fears melted away. Whatever awaited any of them, there was a quiet confidence among the group that the 'transformed self' would know exactly how to navigate whatever may come. Bring it on-THIS IS THE REAL ME !!

 

So they broke circle and each flew to the most recent place they called home, not knowing exactly what they were going home to-but they knew who was going home! And as for their monsters? Hey, monsters schmonsters, those things are tamable. And though the path before them was not marked or well lit, now they all knew that all is well, and all manner of things would be well. What each one carried inside was an internal experience that now they could be comfortable in the unknowing. They had lived it, they had died it, they had survived it.....and they knew it was real.

 

The End.....and The Beginning