Music Notes

December brings the 4th and 5th grade Winter Concert!  New this year will be the fifth grade band performing with the 4/5 chorus. This will all take place on Wednesday evening, December 17 2014 in our school gym at 7:00 p.m. The chorus students are working on a fun, educational concert with the theme, "Americans All" which is a celebration of America's multicultural heritage.  The students will be singing eleven songs in the concert featuring some home-grown music including "The Winding Trail" (Native American), "Der Volkstanz" (German), "Siyahamba" (South African), "Come Dance a Jig" (Irish), "Zum Gali Gali" (Israeli), "Bell Song" (Korean) and much, much more including a toe-stomping finale. This concert will also feature some young, confident narrators who have finished auditioning for the right to represent their class at the concert. The young band will also perform favorites including "Good King Wenceslas," "In a Minor Mood," "Stepping Stones" and other fun songs.

Talking with Teens

by Martha Chan, LMFT, Site Director at Terman Middle School

We hear from many parents that, at some point, children stop talking at home; in some families, it happens at age 10, in others not till age 14 or 15.  In a typical scenario, a middle school or high school student is asked "How was school today?", the response is "fine" or an unintelligible noise, and the student disappears into his/her bedroom, leaving the parent frustrated.  In many families, children have lots of stories to tell while they're in preschool and elementary school, often in more detail than parents can remember.  It helps that, in elementary school, parents often know their child's one teacher, five best friends, and the parents of those friends, so we feel we have a good sense of what goes on in our child's day.  Then THE CHANGE occurs, often beginning when our child moves into middle school.  Suddenly, we're trying to remember the names of all their teachers and which subjects they teach; we don't know all their new friends; and we probably don't know the parents of these friends.  On top of that, our children don't tell us those stories anymore, and we miss them.

One of my favorite books in my own early parenting days was How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk; looking back, I think the second half of the title may be the most important part.  Strange as these ideas, that's a first and very large step.      

One technique it sounds, if we want our teens to listen to us, we may have to model being a good listener for them, just as we model good driving habits and table manners.  What I have heard from hundreds of teens in my years of counseling work is that they feel the need to be listened to, and to have their opinions respected, even when a parent may disagree with them.  Often they want to be able to talk about a problem without having a parent immediately offer advice; they may feel they can solve the problem eventually on their own, but they want to talk it through with you.  This is a good thing!    

One of my former supervisors described the teen years as a time when kids are "trying on different hats", sometimes on a daily basis.  This can be confusing for the adults around them, as we tend to be more settled in our attitudes and behavior; for teens, it's part of testing the waters to see who they really want to be and what they really believe.  A parent's role can be to act as a sounding board, just listening and reflecting as your child talks about a political, ethical, fashion or friendship issue, rather than jumping to the conclusion that he or she is about to do something dreadful.  Again, if your child is talking with you about what he or she is thinking and feeling, you are doing something right.   

A tactic that I had to learn early in my counseling career, which came in handy when I became a parent, was to figure out how to ask a question that is hard to answer with a Yes, No or one-word response.  In the scenario above, for example, saying "I'd like to hear about your day - - what was the best thing that happened?" can still result in a "Nothing happened" response, but it invites conversation.  You might try asking a question that has a natural follow-up:  parent, "Am I remembering right, that you had a math test today?"; student, "Yeah"; parent, "How do you think you did?"  (Notice that you aren't asking what grade he/she is likely to receive.)  Student may still respond minimally:  "OK" or "Terrible", but as a parent, you've shown that you paid attention to the details of your child's life, beyond the how-was-school level.  

Many families have a tradition of sitting down to dinner together when children are younger, so that all family members have a chance to talk about how their day has been.  This often gets lost as children's schedules get busy, parents' work changes, and many other demands arise.  However, it's always good to either establish or continue the family meal, at least a few nights a week, and model the behavior you would like to see in your children.  I was once told by an elementary teacher at back-to-school night that the three most important things parents can do to improve their child's academic success are to see that they have enough sleep, have family meals together, and turn off all electronics during the meal - no television, no internet, no cell phones, for the adults as well as the children.

As parents, we sometimes become anxious about our children's futures when they reach adolescence, and feel that we have to impart all our wisdom to them before they graduate from high school.  This results in teens feeling they are being "talked at" rather than being "talked with"; usually the more we really listen, the more our teens may be encouraged to talk.  Give it a try - - hopefully, you'll be pleasantly surprised!

Adolescent Counseling Services is a community non-profit, which provides vital counseling services on nine secondary campuses at no charge to students and their families. To learn more about our services please visit the ACS website or call Rom Brafman, Ph.D. Site Director at La Entrada (650) 854-3962 ext. 216.  ACS relies on the generosity of community members to continue offering individual, family, and group counseling to over 1,500 individuals annually.  ACS provides critical interventions and mental health services, building a better future for tomorrow. If you are interested in helping to support our efforts, do not hesitate to call to make a donation. It goes a long way in helping teenagers find their way!

Talent Show Tryouts

Tryouts for the Annual Talent Show will be held during lunch next week in room 20. 4th-5th grade tryouts Monday, Wednesday, Friday during lunch. The 6th- 8th tryouts will be during lunch Mon - Fri (no tryouts on Thursday). All potential acts are asked to perform only thirty seconds of his/her act in front of a panel of ASB student judges and myself.

When selecting acts for the show, we make sure that there are at least two acts per grade level, there are a variety of different talents, and that both genders are well represented. Unfortunately, some acts will not make it into this year's show, but we highly encourage the participants to try out for the Airbands in the spring where students lip-sync and dance to their favorite song.  Acts that make it into the Talent Show will be posted outside my door on Friday, November 8. The Talent Show will be held on Thursday, December 11th at 6:30 p.m.  

Canned Food Drive

Throughout the week of November 17th- 21st, the ASB is holding its' annual food drive, which is a vital part of the Second Harvest Food Bank's mission that provides nearly one-third of the food they distribute each year. By participating in our food drive with Second Harvest Food Bank, you can make an immediate difference in the life of a local family. Each can that a student donates will count towards spirit points for their grade. Help spread the joy of the season and bring in your canned foods! If you have any questions or concerns, please contact Mrs. Rianda in room 20, or contact Walker S., ASB Community Service Coordinator.  

Note: The food barrels will be located in the foyer of Jensen Hall.  

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