Soul Connections - May 2013

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Awakening to Spiritual Partnership
Dear Spiritual Partner, 

Why is it so hard to forgive?   A student in one of our programs several years ago was sexually abused and physically abused in other cruel ways as an infant and as a young child.  She left the program because she could not consider the possibility of seeing her painful experiences in any other way than she had seen them throughout her life.  She objected forcefully to the idea that her parents could have been souls who supported her spiritual growth.  The idea that they played roles in her life other than exploiters and tormentors left her fuming.  She did not stay in the program long enough to consider that both might be true - that the barbaric treatment she received from her parents could simultaneously be experiences that were, and remain, necessary for her to move into her full potential.

This perception is not possible for a human who is limited to the five senses.  It requires multisensory perception.  Sometimes this perception is so repugnant that a multisensory human will push it away - in other words, deny what she or he has seen.  

Millions of humans are now becoming multisensory - sensing themselves as more than they thought they were, experiencing their lives as meaningful and purposeful, able to know information about other people that their five senses could not have provided.

These experiences come from the impersonal perspective of the soul.  This is the perspective that reveals everything, even brutal experiences, to be opportunities to grow spiritually.  It allows the heart to say, Thank You! for every experience, even those its personality would not have chosen.  When your heart is grateful for every experience, when you are continually open to the wisdom and compassion of the Universe, when you are grateful for the miracle of your life and everything in it, you are experiencing forgiveness.

You were born to create this experience and eventually to live in it.  Everything in your life supports you in this.


Forgiveness and Freedom
The idea that forgiveness is something you do for someone else results from the perception  of power as the ability to manipulate and control.  The unconscious intention behind not forgiving is to cause pain in someone you feel caused pain in you, and thereby alter his or her behavior.  This never works because the origins of your emotional pain are inside you.  When you choose not to forgive, you inflict pain upon yourself.   Not forgiving is like trying to cause someone else pain by breaking your fingers.  You are the one who is hurting when you do not forgive.  There is nothing healing, nurturing, or even slightly positive about not forgiving.  

Not forgiving is holding someone else responsible for your experiences.  The emotional pains that you feel can be created only by parts of your own personality, not parts of someone else's personality.  Other people can activate these parts of your personality, such as the part that will not forgive.  They can treat you cruelly, abuse you, even torture you, but only parts of your own personality can create your emotional experiences, including your painful emotional experiences.  The longer you blame others or circumstances for these experiences, the longer you experience them.

Forgiving is something that you do for yourself.  When you forgive, you stop holding others responsible for your emotional experiences.  You step into a position of power because you cannot control others, but you can choose within yourself between the parts of your personality that create emotional pain and the parts that create experiences of gratitude, appreciation, contentment, and joy.  Sometimes the pain is so great that an individual cannot find the strength to forgive.  In these times, it is enough that she or he pray for the elevated perception, the Light, the Grace, to forgive.  It will come.

In all cases, the healing dynamic of forgiveness requires you to look inside yourself instead of outside yourself for the causes of your emotional pain, and challenge them by not acting on their justified anger and righteous rigidity and acting instead from the most healthy and wholesome parts of your personality that you can access in that moment.   Forgiving requires you to change yourself for the better instead of blaming.  It requires you to heal.  Forgiving is consciously choosing to leave behind the prisons and torments of your fears.  It is also the creation of authentic power.


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   Linda Francis 

To forgive someone means that I need to take
responsibility for my experiences when someone does something that I don't want them to do or doesn't do something that I do want them to do. This is something I was not able to do when I was married and very young (my late teens and early twenties). I was married to someone who was trying to cover his pain by drinking alcohol and having sex with any willing partner and not telling the truth about any of it.   I blamed him and tried to fix him for a number of years while we were married.
Finally I said, "I don't want to be married to you.  This is unhealthy." And we parted. However, for many years afterwards, I continued to blame him, and I felt very justified. I was not going to forgive him for all the hurt he caused my children and me.  In fact, I could never see him from my soul's perspective until I met someone like him many years later that was covering his pain in the same way.   Even though I had clues, I was blind to them, and I relived a similar experience.

By this time, I had been on a journey of consciously growing spiritually and asking for assistance in seeing things about myself I was blind to.  When I realized what was happening in this second relationship, I knew I was being given a chance to feel the pain I had been unwilling to feel before.  I allowed myself to really feel the deep pain of powerlessness that I had been avoiding all those years, and that I had covered up by blaming others, feeling betrayed, and seeing myself as a victim.

As I was feeling this immense pain of powerlessness that was activated by my looking at the truth of what I had created again, I began to see both of these men from my soul's perspective. I could feel compassion for each of them. I knew they had come into my life through the Universe to support me in seeing the things about myself that needed healing.  I am so grateful for these experiences, and I am grateful to myself for using my courage to feel my deep pain with the intention to heal. It opened me to the unfathomable love that is always supporting me at every moment.  I was able to forgive myself, and I felt freedom I had never felt and connection soul to soul to the men I had been blaming and felt I could not forgive.  I heard the words, "The truth will set you free," and I knew what they meant at a very deep level.

I know for sure is it worth the effort to forgive.  It is an honor to share this with you.





Until Next Time


"Forgiveness means that you do not hold others responsible for your experiences."


-- Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul 

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