I have been wandering around in the wilderness of self, looking for fruit - but it was all rotten; looking for life in the garden, but everything was dead. I could not find peace; all was only contention and anxiety. It was a vast desert; dry and unending. Nothing that I did lasted (John 15:5). Like last year's leaves, or ashes from a fire, it blew away. I could not find shelter in my desert of self. There was no rest. I was continually seeking for protection. I fought and snarled and wheedled and manipulated. I struggled to build a great strong shelter where no one could attack me or behold my weaknesses, but the slightest breeze made it crumble. At last, exhausted and defeated, I lay in the dust of all that I had not accomplished. Around me lay the broken pieces of my own efforts, self-confidence, and self-righteousness (James 4:1-4). I was parched and starving. I was dying (Romans 7:9). Into that darkness, came a still small voice, "'Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest'" (Matthew 11:28). I stood up and beheld my corpse lying in the ashes of self. There I was, as I had been. But that was no longer me. I had been re-created, a new person! Around me was a beautiful oasis. Behind me lay the graveyard of self. (Galatians 2:20; Ephesians 2:4-6) Faintly, I heard that dying voice call to me...don't leave me! But this New Life was so much more! I could not stand to think of self (Philippians 3:13-14). I only wanted to find the One who promised me rest. And I spoke to Him, "I will come to you." But I did not need to go far because I found Him standing beside me. And after that, wherever I looked - behind, beside, or before me - I found Him there. He was always with me warning me and guiding me and leading me on through this garden of beautiful discoveries (Hebrews 13:5; Psalm 139:5-12). Each discovery showed me something new about Himself. Once He led me to a high mountain top, and I beheld His vast and glorious plan for Life (Romans 8). I had a glimpse of His Awesome Power and might (Eph. 1:17-23). Another time, He led me into a valley that I thought would be dark and dangerous; but I discovered that with Him, a valley is beautiful and alive. There were fruits and flowers there that could be found nowhere else in His Garden (James 1:2-4; 2 Cor. 8:2; Psalm 23). I have not forgotten that graveyard of self. The corpse of my old life sometimes calls to me. When I look at it and heed its voice, I am lured to the edge of The Oasis that is my new Home (Eph. 4:17-24). But I never linger there for long, because the One who rescued me (my Saviour) always comes gallantly to restore my gaze to His face (Jude 1:24-25). He wants me to stay with Him and I have fallen in love with Him. I will leave my dead self behind and follow Him into the eternity of this New Life (Phil. 3:7-10; 1 John 5:11, 20; Romans 6:4).
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Tammy Gough (North Ontario, CANADA) is a contributing writer for IOM America - Transformational Biblical Worldview & Exchange Life Development.
Permission obtained from writer to republish, Rescued from Myself. Editorial changes by IOM America approved by author.
All Scriptures, unless otherwise stated, are taken from the New American Standard Bible,� Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
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