You are probably familiar with the term made most famous by Abraham Maslow: self-actualization. It represents the highest level in a hierarchy of needs that stretches from basic physiological needs, such as food and shelter, to the desire to live one's full potential as a human being. It's easy to think of actualization as a purely positive liberation of the best of our creative spirits. Certainly there can be tremendous joy in the outcomes of our efforts to live out our real capabilities.  But joy is not always the feeling along the way. There can also be moments of self-doubt, criticism, and loss. Actualization is often accompanied by some very hard personal work in order to know, truly, that you are making the difference you were meant to make.  

I think of a manager with whom I worked closely some years ago. He wanted very much to progress in his career, and he felt that he deserved a position as a vice president.  What happened instead was that he and many other managers in his company were let go in a series of layoffs.  He went through one of the most challenging times of his life. He and his young family were under significant financial stress and there were pressures on the marriage.  He applied for job upon job. The times was tough on his sense of self and how he assessed his own value, and it took a long time for him to find his next position.  He hung in, and when he did finally find it, it meant moving his family to a new state, changing his and their circumstances completely. Along the way, however, it also became clear he had found a new sense of resilience and inner toughness. Indeed, at the end of that road, he did find the right vice-president job -- one that fit him well, one that reflected his own answer to the question, "who am I, really?"

I recall with a smile to a conversation I had with my father when I was fifteen or sixteen.  Somehow we'd gotten into one of those communication tangles between father and son typical of the process of breaking away.  I don't remember the content at all, but I do remember sulking a bit in my room and then my father knocking on the door.  His wanted to get some closure, I think, and what he said surprised me. I thought I was in for criticism.  Instead he said in a kind way, "I just wanted to say that I believe you can do more than you think you can."  That was all, and then he walked away.

In great part, that's been my unconscious definition of self-actualization ever since. Somehow we all have more in ourselves than we think we do: more courage, grit, sensitivity, and vulnerability; more beauty, intelligence, raw will, and presence.  And it shows up most often when we are asked to step up to meet challenges that confuse and intimidate us, just as the manager and his family I mentioned had to do.  This certainly has seemed to be the case with many of my coaching clients over the years.  Their circumstances demanded of them more than they thought they could handle.  And while they may have looked to me for a formula that might ease the burden, in truth I've had far less advice about how to do that than about accessing the power and heart within them to address their challenges head on. When people face situations they don't believe they can fully handle, the need to actualize all of their capability is what comes forward, drawn out of them by the Buddha that squarely blocks their road.

 

 

 

LEADERSHIP CONVERSATION

Marty Graff Reminds Us to Remember Who We Are -- and to Take the Risks We Need to Take

 

Marty Graff is senior manager for the Public Assistance Branch of the Marin County Department of Health and Human Services in San Rafael, California. He's worked for the County for nearly fifteen years in a variety of positions, beginning as a child welfare worker and progressing to increasingly complex management roles. He has a background in religious studies, with graduate work in counseling, and is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Like many of us, he describes himself as a "work in progress," striving to be inclusive, humanistic, transparent and eminently effective in his demanding role managing the work of 100 people. When I asked him what he is known for as a leader, Marty paused -- ever a modest man -- and said he "knows how to listen."

 

Marty, what are some of the pressures you and your teams have experienced over the last couple of years?

 

As is true for so many public agencies, the volume of our work keeps going up while resources continue to go down. The majority of the people under my management are "eligibility workers," staff who decide whether people will be able to access public assistance benefits in areas such as food and nutrition, health care, and other basic needs. The number of cases has escalated dramatically. Some staff are now handling upwards of 450 cases simultaneously because the County must look for ways to reduce costs at the very time the economy has pushed more people to our doors. There's been a fair amount of turnover in my units due to retirements, as well. This means the management team I'm responsible for has been in transition. We have all new managers, and most of the supervisors are new as well. There are many new relationships to navigate, and for some former peers are now in supervisory relationships. To complicate matters, there have been many changes in our work due to healthcare and regulatory reform, and there's no relief from that in sight. Our staff have transitioned to a new computer system and electronic case files. And finally, the work is all happening in a time when many resent public employees. It's a divisive, polarized time and this can really impact how workers feel about themselves and their work.

 

How are people coping with the stresses?

 

Some better than others. The hardest thing is that there are so many changes going on at the same time, it's hard to know exactly which ones are causing the most stress. It's a time when staff can become increasingly focused on what management is not doing, rather than what it is doing. I can see this tension in issues that come to the top, such as working hours, or even in small behaviors that indicate emotional distance, such as loss of eye contact. As someone who values relationships so much, sometimes that's harder on me than others might expect! 

 

So how does the stress and sense of responsibility affect you, Marty, and what do you personally do about that? 

 

Clearly, there are days when it's tough. The sense of being alone with my responsibilities can be challenging. There are times when I must weather being called into question. It's then I have to remember who I believe myself to be, who I am and what my intentions are. I have to remind myself of what I'm trying to do for others. I go inside myself and self-examine. Did I miss something? I think it's quite easy, really, to get misunderstood and off track, so when I'm experiencing stress I often spend some time reflecting, checking in with my own thoughts and feelings, and asking a core question: "Have I lost my way?" 

 

And how would you know if you have lost your way? 

 

If you are no longer acting within your real values; if you are no longer giving attention to doing the right thing by those you serve and by your staff, then you are off track. From time to time I ask myself, "Have I become distracted? If the role is about leading and supporting - am I in fact doing that?" And I also may ask myself, "What am I giving?" and "Why am I giving it?" which are two particularly useful questions for me. 

 

I also reflect on my long-term learning. There's no question of the work being intrinsically valuable, but for some who are accomplished in their careers, they can begin to feel the only option is to ride it out for however long that will be, assuming that they are, in effect, trapped. I never look at it that way. I stay in touch with the deeper path of personal growth this job and career represent. 

 

You mentioned to me that you've been in your current management role for only about two years. What's been the path of personal growth you associate with being promoted to this job? 

 

I see myself as learning to own my rank more, to embody my authority. In the past, even though I was a manager, much of my work was project based. I was more comfortable being a supportive expert, inspiring others. But this job calls me to be more direct and directive, to engage in a different type of leading that requires more decisions, saying "no" more often, and saying "this is what we're going to do." That's new for me and less comfortable. I find myself making decisions based on what's right for the organization and serving the public well rather than what a particular employee may want. I've had to reflect on how I grew up in my own family, how uncomfortable I was with making anyone unhappy. But in this role, that's exactly what I may do by telling an employee that he's expected to work his full shift, or saying to the person with 450 cases that I cannot take away any of them, so let's figure out a different way to do the work. 

 

Overall, I'd say I am moving into greater self-confidence. When I first took on this job I frequently asked myself, "What am I doing here?" I knew about managing people. I trusted my intuitive reactions and my own philosophy, but I was also struggling to find my new path. Fortunately, a leadership development program came along, hosted by the County in conjunction with Dominican University of California. I had a chance to step back at just the right moment and it was a pivotal experience. There were new ideas about things like planning, communications, coaching, and emotional intelligence. It was an opportunity to be a student, and I found that at the end of the course I had a much clearer picture of what it was that I needed to be doing in my job. I started to get a vision of my role and where the organization needed to go - where I could take it. At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, I felt like I had emerged from a "dark night of the soul," a period of confusion and unknowns that I had to travel through. 

 

What was also part of this path of personal growth was my relationship with my boss. Fortunately, she is someone I can be open with about my struggles. I can talk to her, trust her, share with her when I feel like I am a fish out of water. I feel very lucky about our partnership and grateful for her help. 

 

In the final analysis, Marty, how do you feel you are changing through your leadership experiences? 

 

It's really all about the value of vulnerability and the capacity to stay vulnerable while in action. What's shifted is that I am increasingly willing to take risks. What I've realized is that in my past life and career, I've most often taken the sure bet, the safe road. Now it's about staying inspired, sensitive, and courageous while I step into scenarios where I really don't know how it is going to turn out.

 

 

LEADERSHIP ODDS & ENDS

More Links to Foster Reflective Learning

 

* An Honor and Privilege. Two wonderful blogger friends interviewed me this month. With shameless self-promotion and tremendous thanks to both, here are two articles:  Lyn Boyer's "Dan Oestreich Talks about Reflective Leadership" and Kate Nasser's "Unfolding Leadership: Results Through Reflection & Awareness."