Friends don't let friends drink and drive.
This message from an advertising campaign for an alcohol brand came to mind when I heard that someone I knew had been killed in a road traffic accident. He was driving drunk. But that's not the story.
The reason I am writing about it today is because friends who got together to organise the funeral were talking about the many times he was reported missing, only to be found in drunken sleep by the roadside. Or at a hospital, having been taken there by a good Samaritan after an accident. They talked about the many times he didn't show up for work. Or how they parted at midnight to go home, and he was so drunk he couldn't walk...but they left him to get into his car.
I didn't hear them talk of how they tried to stop him driving himself home. Or how they urged him to seek counselling support. Maybe they didn't do that, maybe they just didn't talk about it because it was too late. But it got me reflecting on the role of friends.
Friends can be a source of great comfort and joy in life. They can also be a source of great frustration and disappointment. Like the friend who doesn't want to hear about the bad day you had, or the one who constantly points out your faults.
Some friends are great for partying with. Letting your hair down and having a ball. Everyone needs someone they can be silly with, who will not spread stories about you silly moments together.
Other friends have known you forever. You never need a preamble to any conversation...you don't need to explain yourself to them. You don't need to pretend or hide. They know you, for good or bad. These friends are like a brother or sister. When you develop new relationships they come along as part of the package. They can also be a liability if you fall out with them, as they know too much!
A third type of friend accepts you unconditionally no matter what. This is the kind of friend who always takes your side on any issue. This is the kind with whom you are comfortable having a pity party. This kind of friend will not help you to see your faults, or encourage you to examine your motives. You need another kind for that.
The kind of friend the man in the story needed is the 'cut-to-the-chase' type. This is the friend who will tell you bluntly to grow up and stop whining about your boss. They will point out to you when you are being unreasonable, or taking unhealthy risks. They may even 'blackmail' you to get you to do something that's good for you.
These friendship roles are not mutually exclusive, and some people find all these people in one person, while some have different people playing different roles.
As you reflect on your circle of friends this week, consider this: if you have only, or mostly one kind of friend, you could do with some action to attract the other kinds, for balance.
