It had been a rough couple of months. Mark was going through the deepest, darkest depression of his life. He'd been emotionally unavailable for months, he was angry at God, and he eventually packed up and left. I never thought I'd find myself alone, but I was for four months until he returned home again.
As I begged God for direction, I heard only one set of marching orders: I want you to love him.
Love is easy when it's a response to someone loving you. It's not so easy when someone isn't being loving to you....when they can't even love themselves.
As I searched out how to carry out this seemingly impossible task to love in the worst of circumstances, God took me to Ephesians 5:33 which is often known as the "love and respect" verse in marriage. That's when I connected God's message for me to love during that hard season to the everyday act of respect that He called me to as a wife.
I understood the concept of unconditional love, but I'd never heard of unconditional respect.
"Shouldn't respect be earned?" I asked aloud one day as I was praying.
Not according to Sarah and Emerson Eggerichs, the authors of the bestselling book Love and Respect that I 
picked up that afternoon. Based upon Ephesians 5:33, Love and Respect gives practical ways for husbands to love their wives and for wives to respect their husbands. It also introduced to me the concept of unconditional respect.
What I came to understand is that I am always responsible for my response. No matter how bad my marriage is, how unloving my husband is, how frustrating our relationship is, or how irritating my spouse is, I am called to be respectful in my response.
Disrespect is not an option. It may be what I feel, but I can't always give into my feelings. (Tweet this!) That's why self-control is one of the fruits of the spirit. The more you and I are filled with God, the more fruit we'll have in our lives. Self-control is most definitely needed for unconditional respect!
February hosts the "love holiday" of Valentine's Day. It's a great month for you to unleash the power of respect. If you're married, what if you gave your husband the gift of unconditional respect this month? What if you responded to him consistently in a respectful way...not because he "earns" it, but because God calls you to it?
I'll venture to say that a 30-day commitment of respect would transform your marriage, no matter what condition it's in today.
It's not easy, but it is worth the effort! I'm in....want to join me?
Joining you in the journey,
Jill Savage
Wife to Mark
Mom of Anne, Evan, Erica, Kolya, and Austin
Nana to Rilyn, Landon, and Marie
Dr. Juli Slattery is a clinical psychologist, speaker, and author. She is the co-founder of Authentic Intimacy, a multi-media teaching ministry for women. Meet her at the 2015 
