Being Right
To one degree of another, most of us live with the need to be right. To be correct. It's something we thrive for. And believe it or not we weren't born with that need. Indeed, before we were conditioned to act in the right way, say the right things, give the right answers, behave in the right manner, we just glided along using our instinct to guide us. The need to be right became synonymous with getting the approval we so desperately needed. The more we got it right the better we felt about ourselves.
Think about all of the stuff you were taught in the many years of school you attended. Thing about all of the tests you had to take. Think about all of the useless information that you were made to memorize and regurgitate in order to have your test be 100% correct. It became a terribly negative experience to be told you were wrong. Red marks all over your hard work. Downright shameful. After enough humiliation we concluded that it was not safe to be wrong. Ergo a subconscious program. The "It's not safe to be wrong" program. It's a rough road if this is a predominant program, because it leads to things like perfectionism, or "my-way-or-the-highway" kind of thinking. Perfectionists will even tell you that they are harder on themselves than others. Mistakes are simply not OK!!
The need to be right program, like many of our subconscious programs is fear based. It inevitably leads to spending way too much of our energy trying to avoid being perceived as wrong. But being OK with "mistakes" and being "wrong" is exactly what we all need to do more often. We need to treat ourselves like we would a small child. Softer, kinder and gentler. We weren't born with a right foot and a wrong foot. The fact is we are all human! And we were meant to make mistakes and then learn from our experiences.
But allowing ourselves to be wrong is not an easy task. Someone pointing out to us how we are "wrong" can trigger us to become defensive and argumentative. According to Robert Kiyosake, author of Rich Dad, Poor Dad "Our fear of making mistakes is so ingrained in us that we habitually react to our errors in ways that blind us to the real learning in them." He goes on to cite the key reactions that stop the learning process:
* Pretending we did not make a mistake
* Blaming something or someone else for the "mistake"
* Rationalizing instead of learning from it
* Punishing oneself (most destructive)
So what would it be like to be OK with being wrong? And what is wrong anyway? What if "mistakes" are opportunities for growth? What if everything you did was a step in the "right" direction? What if you could lighten up on your need to be right and enjoy the ride more? If you learn from your "mistakes" then it means you are growing and evolving. No need for continued punishment guilt and shame. Judge and jury excused.
Would you rather be right? Or be at peace....
"Human beings were given a left foot and a right foot, to make mistakes, first to the left, then to the right, left again, and repeat....
~Buckminster Fuller
Have an awesome month!
~Tina
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