Hi there!

It's me, Stephanie!  I bet you were wondering if you'd ever hear from me again!  Sorry for not sending a newsletter for SO long.  Been really busy, but the real reason I didn't send one was because I refused to send the newsletter until the website was up and running and it has taken THIS long to get that done.  Been a long road.  Still a little work left, but I invite you to come explore the new site! 

My goal with the new layout and content has been to reflect the bigger work, and team behind MtM.  To make sure it's clear that the Stephanie Pauline part is just one small facet of the whole.  We have always been headed this way, but finally, the time is NOW.  :)  CLICK THROUGH TO EXPLORE THE NEW SITE!

  

  

The More than Music Band playing with Stephanie Pauline.  Pic taken from the vantage point of the sound/AV booth.  It takes a HUGE team to make an MtM benefit concert a success, from a professional tech team, to planning committee members, 40+ volunteers the night of the event, to many generous corporate and private sponsors.  Thank you to each involved!

• MtM is proud to be working with the Sonflowerz again, this time as they bring a positive message to teenage girls across the country.  They just wrapped a successful kickstarter.com campaign to help them fund the tour and a book entitled "Made to Shine" which is a devotional just for girls.  For so many young people their teenage years are full of trial and testing.  The Sonflowerz believe they are uniquely called to encourage young women to seek God in and through it all; to engage in an active, dynamic relationship with their creator.  Please check out their project and see if it's something you would like to support.  All gifts are tax deductible if you give through MtM.  Click through to the GIVE page to do so, and offer a note of support for The Sonflowerz.  CHECK OUT THE VIDEO PROMO FOR THE SONFLOWERZ PROJECT!!
• Stephanie Pauline has a unique opportunity which will potentially result in the ability to do her next album through a record label.  There are pros and cons to the indie verses label artistic life.  For her, the more creative potential the better and the bigger the audiences - the bigger the impact.  We will keep you posted on this.  More to come, and SOON!
• MtM is working to find an AUDASCIOUS PASSIONATE RADICAL, JESUS-FREAK who is organized, outgoing, self-motivated, willing to help raise their own support, and capable of driving forward the Toy Soldier 1280 Program.  More than Music has long since invigorated mentoring programs in juvenile detention centers across the country, now we are initiating them.  Pray the right project manager comes along, that funding is plentiful, and that many Champions for the cause all across the nation will come forward and join ranks with us in partnership with Youth for Christ as vanguards for this important operation.  God IS a father to the fatherless.  THESE are our generation's fatherless.  Over 80% of these incarcerated young people do not have fathers in their lives and of the 20% that do, many of their fathers are still emotionally absent due to drug and alcohol abuse.  It is our call and our great privilege to serve these who matter so much to His heart. 
• MtM is in the skeletal staged of planning a Christmas tour to MN, Iowa, KS, IL and MS for early December 2013.  This tour will feature a "Birthday party for Jesus"  Please send an e-mail to booking@MorethanMusicInc.com if you are interested in adding your church or music venue to the itinerary.
• Last, we've had some changes to the MtM team.  Joanna Springer, our former Booking Agent/Community Relations Manager has stepped down from her role.  Joanna, we hope your move to MA went well and that you are finding your new place in the world.  We miss you and appreciate all your work for MtM over the years!  MtM also, has welcomed a new board member.  Tara Dierdorf is a welcome addition, and will be serving as secretary.  We believe her organizational skills, her wisdom, and heart will serve to direct this ministry very well. Welcome to the team, Tarah!  

  

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb - a reward.  Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth."  

                                                             ~Psalm 127:3, 4

 In May, my son graduated from high school. He went to great charter school here in Colorado Springs where if you're a smarty pants (and he is) you can test into college classes from even your freshmen year of high school. So he graduated just three classes short of his Associates Degree at the same time that he graduated from high school. Considering that I dropped out of high school at 15 and that he was born to a messed up little girl like me...well, suffice it to say - I'm proud. I went to his graduation, pulled together lots of childhood mementoes and well-written papers he's penned over the years and put them on display on our kitchen table for the grad party in June. All of it, has got me to thinking...

The words of the above Bible verse first leapt off the page when my son was four years old.  I penned a song then and there, and to this day, it has been his most requested bedtime song.  It is entitled simply, "Little Arrow."  Even then, when he was only four years old, I saw that so much of parenting is about letting go.  As I have relfected more on the bow and arrow as a metaphor for parenting, God has been giving me more understanding of this process - from beginning to end.

 
BUILD THE BOW 
For me, when I began parenting, I had just turned 18.  My family had gone through some very tough times, and I had been without a lot of parental care and influence for years already.  I was broken.  I knew I had to do different, but I didn't know where to begin.  Turns out, God had already begun a work that He would be faithful to complete. He began by filling my heart with love for this beautiful baby boy that he had given me and with the thought, when I first stared into his face, that "Perhaps God still loves me a little bit to have given me something so beautiful." The more I loved the more I realized that my life was a mess.  

One day, I confronted my son's biological father about wanting him to stop dealing drugs for the safety and benefit of our son.  He responded by yelling, grabbing my shoulders and then shaking me violently while I held my 4 week old baby in my arms.  I remember just staring down trying to shelter Trevor as best I could while being thrown around.  As soon as "he" let go I went and hurriedly put Trevor down on the couch, then I was shoved to the ground and kicked repeatedly.  I heard "him" slam out the front door, and I slowly picked myself up off the ground.  I went to my son and picked him up.  I remember just cradling him, looking down into his eyes, then tipping my head back and groaning, with tears streaming down my face, looking down, the stab of pain, then tipping my head back...I knew he deserved better, but I was at a complete loss as to how to bring it about.  I knew I didn't have what I needed inside to face all that I needed to face in that moment.  That day I finally turned my eyes away from my son's trusting, open gaze

 

 

Just a couple months ago now, Trevor, my son, now the same age I was when I had him, got the inkling to "build a bow and arrow."  I watched him go outside and find just the right lithe, bendable but strong young tree and cut it down.  He peeled all the bark off the tree. He cut either end to leave him with a piece without knots and whittled the edges to just the right size.  He carved the notch for the arrow to rest and two more where the string would be tied, and then he tested its flexibility and strength multiple times.  It was ready... 

Building a bow - or rather a life that will bring joy to your child's eyes, isn't easy when you're coming from a dark place.  It took the courage to begin to be honest with myself, even about the hard things...especially...about the hard things.  Strength.  The courage then to try.  To apply for that job.  To go back to school.  To keep trying even when others failed me, or put me down. I began making lists, and speaking about what I wanted to do.  Eventually, I found the courage to leave that man and then God compelled me to write pages and pages and pages about all that happened to me and all that I had done.  I was being set free from it.  Seeing it all in the context of a bigger story - one that had healing, and hope, and joy, and beauty as the overarching, ultimate theme.  Then I openly accepted Jesus Christ.  I let the LOVE OF GOD IN!  Wow!  What a burst of vision, power and hope I had then!  I voraciously devoured God's word.  The Bible was my constant companion.  And God began to teach me.  To give me tools; things I could use to understand myself, and others.  Things I could employ to help direct and guide my son.  To discipline.  To encourage.  To love.  Then God said, If even you, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your son, how much more will I give the Holy Spirit to those who ask.  And, God gives wisdom freely to those who ask.  So I began asking...and God gave me His Spirit and the fruit of it.  He gave me wisdom, and knowledge with the added bonus of grace that taught me not to use knowledge as a weapon.  Yet with all this building of the bow, God never let me attain perfection. That's not what this world is about.  I failed.  Still do.  So often.  Less than kind.  Less than loving.  Less than merciful.  Less than gentle.  Many times, I have been that.  I stumble over my desire for the absolute best for my son.  So God taught me flexibility.  He made me humble.  He taught me that "He works all things for the good of those who love Him," even my shortcomings or others'. He taught me to admit my wrongs. To discover his LOVE through it all! To trust him. He made me able to bend, and able to bounce back.  THIS is the most important part of parenting. THIS is about who you are and you can't be a good parent without doing this internal work.

STRING THE BOW 

Trevor asked for my input on what he could use as the string for the bow he was creating.  The material we used for the string would need to be strong, but able to bend, to hold and then release tension.  I suggested he use the electric fence line I had purchased to keep a particularly mischievous BIG puppy from leaping out of the 5 foot fence around our dog run.  It was perfect.  He tied it, melted the knot into itself on one end, then bent the bow with all of his weight towards the ground.  I was afraid it was going to break!  Quickly then, he had me tie the other end.  He tested it lots of times and worked to get the tension just right...

 

Stringing the bow - or setting your child up to be able to handle the strain of the world is a terrifying job. I remember taking Trev to kindergarten and praying with all my might that others might see him as I see him: precious. So many did not. So many do not see themselves, or others that way. Young people have to know deeper than their fear, or failures - GOD LOVES THEM. LOVED. VALUED. This must be their internal moniker.  This is what they need to be able to face the hardships of the world, without giving into some kind of avoidance mechanism. When you lose your cool or have hard moments with your child it's easy for them to get the impression that they have to do something or be something to be loved. It is important to own that yourself and turn around to show them unconditional love. Now there is a big difference between unconditional reward and unconditional love. Love still can withhold, when a choice is made, and allow the pain of consequence to fall for the purpose of instruction, but LOVE is constant and underlying, and always gives a way back to blessing. It is in the tone, the method, the lilt and tenure of everything you do. It is security. It tells them they will never be without. It is the JOY CENTER (a part of the brain) which gives a person resilience and it is grown through love. Left eye to left eye real, genuine, altruistic love.

When children are young it's an amazing thing to watch them discover each new thing; each new phrase, experience, person. For me, with my two children, it was like watching the library of their minds expand, but still with a finite, clearly known amount of information, and I was in charge of handing them each book; giving each one context. They were enraptured and I was enlivened by the process as I watched them. Those early years especially, I was vigilant to shield them and I monitored each thing that gained their attention so as to filter the bad, and make sure they were aptly prepared for milestones, and eventually, the big realities of this world. No matter the instinct to protect, part of protecting is preparing them to be able to face difficulties head on. There's no getting around the fact that their hearts will be bent and almost broken from time to time. It's our job just to be there with them through that and to offer truths that help them to see that bigger story I discovered after Trevor's birth. To help bring them back to joy.

From the time I first sent Trevor to preschool to his last day of high school, I would ask him every morning, "Who is with you?" And he would reply, "God."

AIM/PULL BACK:

This seems like the hardest part of parenting. It gets the most press. It's the time when you're ALMOST DONE and the child is "differentiating." (That's what the experts call the teenage years.) Your arm might be trembling with the pressure. If you have to hold the position for very long it can be exhausting. A friend of mine who is a psychologist said, with all her training, still when her daughter began offering signs that she was pushing her mom away all she could say about it was, "DIFFERENTIATION SUCKS!" It's true. Suddenly this child who adored you - who trusted you - seems to balk against you. The tension is the greatest at this time and you feel like it will never end. It's like you're hanging on trying to teach them the last bits of what they need to know. Swinging that taught, stringed bow into the correct position while they strain against you. Adjusting and readjusting the trajectory. You have your eye on where they need to go, and all they can see is where they are now and how hard this moment is. Growing up and being expected to be ready for adulthood is allot of pressure.

When Trevor would act up, maybe not doing his chores, or copping attitude about school work, the verse that would come to me is, "Saul, Saul! Why do you kick against the goads?" We think because they are older, and can articulate their thoughts, (boy can they articulate), ;) that they understand what is going on.  But think about it...when you are parenting a toddler you don't get mad when they throw a fit because you took a plastic bag they somehow got their hands on off their head. We understand that they simply don't understand. All their kicking and screaming doesn't faze us. We realize from their perspective we just took away the fun new toy that made cool noises when they flailed it about with their chubby paws. We can sit down with them and explain that they could die for lack of oxygen, and sometimes, taking that time to share, even for a two year old, is good, but they CAN'T get it. Not at 2. We don't expect or need their validation, or understanding. We take the bag off anyway, because it's the right thing to do and it's in their best interest, whether they realize it or not. Teenagers, honestly, are not that different. They can be as smart as can be, but ignorance comes with the territory. Not in a bad way, but just in terms of lacking experience, and lacking the ability to comprehend cause and effect. Their brains truly are not developed enough for that level of reasoning. That's why sometimes they can seem so unreasonable. It's because, in some ways, they in fact, are. They often don't have the ability to comprehend the weight of the words you say.

We learn, remember, and retain information by association. So if you, as their parent, are talking to them about getting a job, or being responsible enough to pay the mortgage, or choosing the best career, they just can't quite get that yet. They can understand cognitively what the words mean, but the life associations related to this are just not all there yet. Mostly, our warnings don't fall on deaf ears. They fall on hearing, but not comprehending ears. But still we pull. We have to trust that later they will understand. So feel free to let some of the things they say roll off your back.  Like the two year old kicking when you remove the plastic bag from their head - don't sweat it. If you have a young man, consider it a "mantrum." ;) We all have growing up to do, and sometimes we have to remember, "Father, forgive them for they know NOT what they are doing." No matter how know-it-ally a teenager might appear at first glance.  None of us choose less than life or love because we know better.  We sin because we don't no better.  Despite our best efforts, sometimes our kids just don't know better yet - even at 18. As parents, we have to do the right thing, even if they don't understand it, or like it, or even at times, like US.  Likewise, it's the right thing for them - to WANT to get away.  And that leads us to release. 

LET GO

Brace yourself. THIS IS the hardest part in parenting. After going through all that work to build a bow, to string a bow, to pull back and aim, it would be a waste not to let go. But realize when you do, if you have done your job, they will wisp away with a sharp breath of air and be gone. So get your footing, stand tall, and then do what you have been preparing to do for all these years. There will be joy in watching your arrow fly in the direction of the target at which you aimed it. Seeing it soar to where you cannot go; beyond you in every way, spiritually and physically.

After almost 19 years of work now, God is moving me into an advisory role for my son. For all my talk and all my songs, and even the song LITTLE ARROW all about raising my son with release in mind, still I have cried buckets and buckets. This summer I have been mourning the loss of that precious little boy I once had, and daily getting to know and respect the man that has taken his place. This is where we trust that GOD LOVES THEM MORE THAN WE DO. HE ALWAYS HAS, and HE WILL SEE THEM THROUGH NO MATTER WHAT LIFE BRINGS THEIR WAY. Isn't parenting such a beautiful, moving, costly journey?  Build the bow...string the bow...pull back/aim...let go.  They will be our respected peers and friends much longer than they ever were our children. 

So, I welcome my friend, Trevor, into my life, and I thank him for all the years he has bore with me while I have struggled to be the best mom I can be to him - for him. We've done a lot of growing up together, haven't we? Thank you, son, for the grace you've demonstrated in wrestling through these teenage years with me. You are a strong young man. I can't wait to see it all unfold. I know God has GREAT plans for you. I am looking forward to sharing all the years we have left together. I am here for you, and if you look into your heart, you will find, I always will be.

 So it was, a couple days after the project began, I heard a powerful, "Thwat!...Thwat!...Thwat!" coming from downstairs. I padded down the steps that there was Ferf (one of my many nicknames for Trevor), all 6 foot 4 of him, in the den, putting arrows into our old refrigerator box choo choo train. He was a good shot! After congratulating him on the feat I had to explain that he couldn't operate his weapon INSIDE our house. He seemed perturbed. Boys. Or should I say...Men. :)

 

 

 

 

Stephanie Pauline

More than Music Inc.