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December 2015

ADR Staff's Top Tips to Survive the Holidays

Many people love the holidays for a variety of reasons, including bringing family together. Unfortunately, all of that "togetherness" can also cause stress and conflict - pesky relatives, stressed out co-workers, in-laws, mounting bills, etc. all add to the mix.  Here are our recommendations for survival:
  • Eat pie and drink coffee.
  • Don't over extend yourself.
  • Chocolate. (That is all.)
  • Actively listen to the other person. Listen to try to understand what their needs are, and ask them how they see those needs being met while being respectful of everyone involved. 
  • Make a gratitude list (or wall if necessary) and add to it multiple times a day. 
  • Remind yourself that at least you're not "Phil" from 'Jurassic Park'... "You had one job Phil... ONE JOB!"
  • Remember, each of us has our own issues. The other person may be stressed by something you don't know about, or may "see" the situation a different way. Try to be thankful for the uniqueness of each other's view of the world.
  • Buy lots of batteries!   
  • When spending time with family and friends from your childhood, focus on who you are today, not who you were in the past.  You don't have to go back to previous roles - it's okay to be who you are now.
  • Don't use Pinterest as the bar you measure against yourself.  It's unrealistic!
  • Unplug from your cell phone, laptop, iPad, etc.  At a minimum, set limits on how much time/how often you check devices and stick to it. Spend more time with the humans in your life.
  • Focus conversations on the weather and football; politics is usually a sure fire way to get things off track.

  • Shop online.

  • Remember many others are as stressed as you. When we are stressed communication, can break down.  Prior to getting upset or arguing about what you have heard, try to summarize the main points of what you heard.  This will do many things:
      • Let the speaker know you are listening (more than just nodding or saying you heard)
      • Let the speaker know you want to hear what they are saying correctly and allows them to clarify if they meant something different than what you heard
      • Allows the speaker to hear what they said slightly differently; they may change their mind.
      • Allows each of you to calm down and buys time for a more 
Be sure to call the ADR Center now (910-362-8000) to see how we can help you fully enjoy the holiday season.
Peacemakers at Bellamy Elementary 

"I'm so excited I could dance!" exclaimed Amanda on the last day of a 6-week Peacemaker Training at Bellamy Elementary, and then she did just that.  She was thrilled to hear students using their newly obtained skills during role play simulated mediations. Students were asking open-ended questions, "restating" what they heard, using phrases such as "what I'm hearing you say is" and "what ideas do you have to solve this conflict" all while remaining neutral. 

This is the third consecutive year that the Bellamy Elementary PTO has sponsored the Peacemaker Training for 4th and 5th grade students.  The school counselor, Cate Woessner, is passionate about empowering the students to take control of their school and spreading peace.  Student peacemakers will now provide real time mediation for younger grades during recess and more formal scheduled meditations for their peers.  
If you want your school to set up a similar program (4th-12th grades), contact Amanda for more information.  
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We look forward to hearing from you.
The ADR Center
(910) 362-8000
102 - C Cinema Drive
Wilmington, NC 20403  
Building a better community, one agreement at a time