A few days ago I received an email from a Nodi Ipp, a teacher in Cape Town, South Africa. He uses The Five Strategies to bring out the best in his students. I read his recent blog post, Seeing Trust Grow in the Body of a Child. The story focuses on an argument between a boy and girl in his 7th grade class...

"She said I am a liar!" the boy exclaims with anger. "She made a sound like this..." the boy demonstrates a kind of snort through his nose and mouth. Agitated, he continues, "That means she doesn't believe me. She thinks what I said was rubbish!"

The girl denies making the snorting sound.

The boy snaps back, "You DID!!!"

The heated exchange presented Nodi with a teachable moment. No matter how trivial the complaint about the perceived insult may have been, Nodi honored and acknowledged the boy's feelings. He then took the time to name the virtues needed to resolve the conflict, asking the boy and girl to practice understanding and forgiveness.

After typical teenage resistance, the girl admits to making the insulting snorting sound, so Nodi guides her toward the virtue of justice and encourages her to make amends. When she apologizes to the boy, "... a softness comes over his face...he melts into the most beautiful smile of unexpected satisfaction. His eyes are glowing now and he feels an unexpected feeling of joy and gratitude for us both taking the time to find the truth and see it from his point of view."

I thought about what might have happened if Nodi hadn't taken the time to listen to the boy. He certainly wouldn't have smiled. Chances are he would have taken an angry frown out into the world, simmering with resentment that once again he was made to feel "wrong". Blaming his teachers and his schoolmates, conjuring up distorted thoughts about himself and others, he may have acted-out against society by venting his pent-up emotions in negative and destructive ways.