Red Mittens, Coffee and You
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By
Mary Richardson Schechter
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when old friends create new understanding
I recently met an old friend unexpectedly on the street and was shocked. He did not look at all like the man I recalled from 2 years previous. Relaxed, confident dressed in casual khaki pants and some sort of all-weather pull over, he was the antithesis of the uptight guy who been suffering from arrhythmia, anxiety and depression on the threshold of his 40th birthday two years prior.
"What happened to you?" I exclaimed as we stood bracing ourselves against 10 degree Upstate New York weather. "Did you win the lottery or something?" He smiled broadly and without a word, pulled out his wallet, and carefully unfolded a well worn piece of writing paper.
Flapping in the wind, he held it out for me to examine.....it had only one annotation printed in thick red marker placed in the center of the page which read:
"Listen"
Two hours and three cups of coffee later, I had learned enough about the word "listen" that I am still inspired to share it with you all today. You see, one afternoon, as he looked up from the pile of growing paperwork that cluttered his desk, he decided to take a walk to the lobby of his building, where he saw the familiar homeless woman sitting outside the revolving doors. Pushing past her and onto the snowy sidewalk, he saw she was without gloves, but  had a brand new pair of hiking boots on. They were brushed suede, with snug liners and red flannel gaiters that reached all the way to her knee. Turning back, he felt a moment of compassion and offered to get her a cup of coffee. He knew she wasn't allowed to come into the building and had rebuffed his efforts to get her to a homeless shelter in the past, so he thought the act of kindness might be something her pride could accept. A few minutes later, he returned with a "Grande" sized steaming black coffee and three Danish from the corner café. As she sipped from the over sized paper cup, he stood with her a moment. Looking down at her bare hands, he had said, "It is really cold and going to get colder tonight, why don't you put on a pair of gloves?" Her response was, "Thank you son, I have what I need." I'll be alright."  "I don't get it.", he questioned,"How can you be alright when you are sitting here without what you need to keep your hands warm and yet you have these fancy boots that aren't necessary?" She grinned, "How do you know that these boots aren't what I need and how do you know that I'm not ok with my hands just as they are, son? I've sat on this street corner for five years, in weather that would make you cringe, and I'm just as comfortable as anyone inside the building." "How could you be? It doesn't make sense." he rejoined. "Then she seemed to gather patience from some unseen place as she turned squarely to look me in the face." my friend then told me, "Like I was some little kid that just didn't get it..." "I will tell you why son, and while I do, I want you to listen carefully." "Many years ago, I listened to my father who said I wasn't pretty enough to get a husband, and listened to my mother who said I wasn't smart enough to graduate from high school, and then I listened to friends who told me I was a bad mother until I believed them all."  - "I married the first man who'd take me."
- "I let my kids disrespect me until I disrespected myself enough to give up on life."
"So, I guess listening to other people didn't do a whole lot of good." As the snow began to come down thick and heavy, she leaned forward and motioned for my friend to come closer. "I have a message for you, son." "Listen to your own heart and your own mind. Listen to what you want of yourself, not what others want of you, and you will never be disappointed." And with that, she stood up, reached into her pockets and pulled out a matching pair of red flannel mittens, so thick she could hardly pick up her bag.  "Hey, I thought you didn't have any gloves?" my friend asked softly. "You never asked me if I had gloves, son. You only assumed I didn't." My friend stood in the silence of her departure and as the snow grew colder around him, he grew bright and warm with one 'Burning Thought'- 'Who Am I Listening To?' He laughed as he related that last line to me and added, "That is when I quit my job in accounting and went back to study culinary arts. It's also when I thought long and hard about my marriage, and decided to go for counseling. I realized from listening to that woman that nearly every choice I had made in my life was to please others- my parents, my teachers, my brothers and sisters, my wife, even my kids - everyone except myself." "The one thing I had not realized was that I was living their version of what my life should be instead of the version I wanted it to be. The rest is history, Mary." As we said goodbye, I queried, "Once you made the decision to listen to you, were you scared that you would make a mistake?" "In fact", he replied, "it was the opposite." "It seemed like once I took the first step to choose me, everything started falling into place somehow." "My life took care of itself, as long as I was willing to take care of me." Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present Jim Rohn | 
