Greetings!

As grandmas, we want to enjoy our grandchildren and not be their disciplinarians. But children do act up and it can be challenging to think of strategies in the heat of the moment.

At our February GaGa Sisterhood meeting, parent educator and GaGa member Janada Clark taught us three easy-to-use tools for calming our grandchildren and getting their cooperation. Her presentation was not only informative, it was also fun. And there was something else fun about the meeting. There were grandpas in the house for the first time! Five grandpas attended the meeting and we all agreed their input added a new dimension to our discussion.

Janada is a seasoned professional who teaches Love and Logic classes around the Bay Area. Parenting with Love and Logic is a nationally recognized  program developed by Jim Fay over 30 years ago. The philosophy embraces the "consultant" style of parenting, which helps children learn from their mistakes by experiencing consequences from making poor choices.

At the end of the program, we all felt empowered with specific tools for dealing with temper tantrums, whining and arguing.

Janada is offering a 4-week Love and Logic class for grandparents in April. You can read the details below.

In Sisterhood,

Love and Logic
As grandmas, we may wonder what to do when our grandchildren misbehave and our old parenting techniques don't seem as effective as we'd like them to be.

GaGa member Janada Clark is a trained parent educator in Love and Logic, a nationally recognized parenting program that's been around for over 30 years. The program provides tools that give loving support from parents while at the same time expecting kids to be respectful and responsible. The philosophy is based on brain research that shows when you keep kids in the thinking mode rather than causing them to be angry, they can make better decisions.

Founder Dr. Jim Fay teaches that by "locking in our empathy, love, and understanding" prior to telling kids the consequences of their actions, they won't become defensive and they'll see their parent as the "good guy" and their own behavior as the "bad guy."

This helps kids to learn from their mistakes by experiencing consequences from making poor choices. When done on a regular basis, kids develop an internal voice that says: "I wonder how much pain I'm going to cause myself with my next decision?" Kids who develop this internal voice become more capable of standing up to peer pressure and making responsible decisions.

3 Parenting Tools
Empathy: A Calming Tool
When we express empathy for our grandchildren, it keeps them from becoming defensive and allows them to see us as being on their side. Janada offered the following responses to use when our grandchildren whine or complain when we ask them to do something.

• Ohhhhhh ....... (in an empathic voice) 
• That's too bad.
• How sad.
• That's so sad.
• What a bummer.
• Oh, no.

Choose one of these responses as your empathic response and practice using it until it feels natural. Use it first before you give your grandchild a consequence.

Brain Dead: A Calming Tool
This tool neutralizes arguing, backtalk, whining, and temper tantrums.
Once you've asked your grandchild to put away her toys and she tests the limit, ignore the urge to justify your request. Then repeat one of these responses to avoid power struggles:

• I know.
• I love you too much to argue.
• I bet it feels that way.
• Thanks for sharing that.
• I'll listen when your voice sounds calm like mine.

Choices: A Cooperation Tool
When we offer our grandchild choices within specific guidelines, it allows the child to feel important and in control of his own world, thus boosting self-esteem. Offering choices also gives children the opportunity to practice decision making, an important skill and the basis for responsible behavior. And it gets them moving!

When you give choices, only give two options, each of which will be OK with you and make sure they fit with your value system. Here are some ways to offer choices:

• Do you want ...
• Would you rather ...
• You can either ...
• Are you going to ...

When things aren't going well, make a withdrawal: "Haven't I let you make lots of choices today? Now it's my turn. Thanks for understanding."

Love and Logic Class
Janada will offer a 4-week Love and Logic class series for grandparents on the following Sundays: 4/7, 4/14, 4/21, 4/28 from 1:30 - 3:30 pm. in Menlo Park, CA. The cost is $150 and includes a workbook, weekly handouts, email updates and use of her lending library of Love and Logic DVDs and CDs. The tools taught in her class are appropriate to use with any aged child tots to teens. For more information, contact Janada: clearpathcoaching@msn.com