www.stjohnsportsmouth.org28 January 2016

Jesus, Humility, and Parenting

Even though we don't hear much about humility these days, it was important to Jesus.  At this month's Catechist training for the 6-9 Atrium of the True Vine, Clifford King Harbin prepared our catechists to present Jesus' teaching on this important moral attribute to our young elementary-aged children:
 
Jesus said, "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.  The Pharisee, standing by himself, was praying thus, 'God, I thank you that I am not like other people: thieves, rogues, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.   I fast twice a week; I give a tenth of all my income.'  But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even look up to heaven, but was beating his breast and saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!'  I tell you, this man went down to his home justified rather than the other; for all who exalt themselves will be humbled, but all who humble themselves will be exalted." (Luke 18:10-14)
 
Leanne Italie of the Associated Press recently published an interview with family physician, psychologist, and author Dr. Leonard Sax in which the topic of humility was addressed in a conversation about parenting.  As a dad himself, and after conducting workshops around the world for parents, teachers, social workers, counselors, school psychologists, and juvenile justice professionals, he tackled humility, respect, and conveying the meaning of life as part of his fourth book entitled The Collapse of Parenting.  I found this AP journalist's brief interview with Dr. Sax interesting and insightful.  In whose image are we forming ourselves and our children? 
  
J. Derek Harbin, rector
 
The Associated Press (AP): What exactly do you mean by a collapse of parenting?
 
Dr. Sax: I wrote about an office visit with a 10-year-old boy who is sitting and playing a game on his mobile phone, ignoring me and his mom as I'm talking with his mom about his stomachache.  And his mom is describing his stomachache and the boy says, "Shut up, mom, you don't know what you're talking about."  And he laughs.
 
That would have been very unusual in 1990 or 2000.  It is now common: children, girls and boys, being disrespectful to parents, being disrespectful to one another, being disrespectful to themselves, verbally and otherwise.  The mother did nothing, just looked a little embarrassed.  The culture has changed in a profound way in a short period of time in ways that have really harmed kids.
 
AP: What is the book really about?
 
Dr. Sax:  The transfer of authority from parents to kids.  I think you should treat kids like grown-ups.  I think you should expect them to be mature and to behave, and I think that's what it means to treat someone like a grown-up, among other things, although the phrase to treat someone like a grown-up is ambiguous.
 
It's not about the abdication of authority.
 
For example, it's common now in this country to find parents who are chauffeuring their 8-year-old or 12-year-old around to various schools, among families that are choosing a school, and the parent functions as educational consultant.  The parent makes a recommendation, but the child makes the final decision.  I know of cases where the kid was clearly making the wrong decision and the parents knew it but nevertheless felt completely powerless to overrule their child.  The child is the one who suffers.
 
AP: What are some other examples?
 
Dr. Sax:  The same is true with regard to a cell phone in the bedroom.  You now find kids at 10, 12, 14, 16 years of age who have their phone in their bedroom at two (o'clock) in the morning.  You can take the device at night and you put it in the charger, which stays in the parents' bedroom.  No child should have a phone unsupervised.
 
That's not just my opinion.  That is the official teaching of the American Academy of Pediatrics in guidelines published (in) October 2013.  But you would be astonished, or maybe you wouldn't be, how many parents find that an impossible recommendation.  They feel that they have no authority over their child in many domains.
 
AP: You refer to the value of family dinner.
 
Dr. Sax: Research shows having a family meal at home without distractions is important.  Every day.  Not doing that indicates that the time spent at home with parents is the least important priority.  It doesn't matter.  It can be overlooked and forgotten.
 
By communicating that time at home as a family is our highest priority, you are sending the message that family matters.  So many kids are in the race to nowhere, trying to add things on to their resume through extracurricular activities with no sense of why.  They just burn out at 15 years of age.
 
AP: What about time spent in the car?
 
Dr. Sax: No earbuds in the car.  You commonly have this and kids are not engaging with their parents.  Everybody's in a rush.  That time in the car is precious.  The time in the car is for you to listen to your child and your child to listen to you.
 
My 9-year-old daughter and I know the lyrics to almost every song from "Mary Poppins."
 
AP: What type of things can parents do to help a child or teen become a fulfilled adult?
 
Dr. Sax: The first thing is to teach humility, which is now the most un-American of virtues.  When I meet with kids I ask them what they think it is and they literally have no idea.  I've done that from third grade through 12th grade.  The high school kids are more clueless than the third-graders.
 
They have been indoctrinated in their own awesomeness with no understanding of how this culture of bloated self-esteem leads to resentment.  I see it.  I see the girl who was told how amazing she was who is now resentful at age 25 because she's working in a cubicle for a low wage and she's written two novels and she can't get an agent.
 
The second thing is to enjoy the time with your child.  Don't multitask.  Get outdoors with your child.
 
The last thing: Teach the meaning of life.  If cannot be just about getting a good job.  It's not just about achievement.  It's about who you are as a human being.  You must have an answer.


Wow!  Have you seen it???
 
God is at work in St. John's among the young and the old as well as the guests and the helpers!  It's not too late to take part in St. John's winter shelter this week where you can both offer and experience Christ's love in a tangible way.  Thanks to everyone for your support of this annual ministry and keep our guests in your prayers.

Come for one day to the Women's Retreat, 2/20
 
St. John's AWE Women's Ministries would like to invite you to attend the Retreat on Saturday February 20.  Be part of the praise music with Taraleigh Casteen (Sunday 9am Eucharist Band Leader), spiritual journey with our leader Kirsten McGrath, and enjoy the Founders Inn hospitality plus lunch in the Swann Terrace-all for just $25!  You do not need an overnight reservation to be part of this special Saturday event.

Please mail your $25 check (made payable to St. John's Church for the retreat) to Patti Devers 1505 Mathews Terrace, Portsmouth, VA 23704.  Retreat representatives will also be available after worship on Sundays to accept payment.
 
Our speaker for the retreat is Kirstin Logsdon McGrath.  Kirstin is a beach-loving, book-toting Hampton Roads native currently living in Auburn, AL.  She enjoys exploring culture, nature and language to find new revelations of God's handprints in his world.  She is a mother of four children-toddler, teenager and two in between.  She especially relishes finding time to write and speak to women regarding their sometimes-forgotten identity as the beloved beauty of God's warm and relational heart.  Don't miss out on this special opportunity!


9 Days until the Mardi Gras Party!

St. John's Episcopal Church is inviting you to join in the festivities at the 5th annual Community Mardi Gras Celebration! Mark your calendar for February 6th at 7pm.
 
We will once again have a live band so come prepared to have a great time! We will have New Orleans style food as well as beer and wine!  Put on your best costumes & masks or evening attire as we will have a costume contest again as well as the crowning of the King & Queen! 
 
Tickets are $25 and are available for purchase online.  The ticket purchase deadline (for members of St. John's Church) is midnight on Wednesday, 2/3.  

Start planning your costumes, arranging for your babysitter and inviting your friends.  This has become a very popular event so we urge you to get your tickets quickly so as not to miss out on the fun!  Lassez les bon temps roulez!!


Try out the Flower Guild on Saturday

Want to know more about the Flower Guild?  Do you think, "I could never do that?"  Please come to the Flower Guild Annual meeting this Saturday, 1/30, at 10am in Chisholm Hall.  We'll watch a CD about flower arranging to get some new ideas and talk about different ways we might organize our work.  You do not need to know anything about arranging flowers.  You just need a desire to give back to your fellow parishioners.  We have lots of tasks that need to be done that don't require any flower arranging skills!
Miscellany
 
Christian Formation for adults and children continues this Sunday. 
 
Chisholm Hall is a Sunday quiet zone.  Construction was completed before Christmas on the Parish House roof and HVAC ductwork to eliminate the second floor water intrusion in our Christian Formation rooms.  Interior plastering of the ceilings began yesterday.  

In the meantime, the Good Shepherd Atrium (ages 3-6) will be meeting in their relocated atrium in Chisholm Hall.  Chisholm Hall will be closed to adults from 10:10-11:30am each Sunday.  We ask that those arriving for 11am worship walk around the building from the parking lot and enter the worship space through the Washington Street doors.  Disabled adults are asked to pass quickly and quietly through Chisholm Hall during this time.  Thanks so much in advance for your cooperation and assistance!
 
The Feast of the Presentation will be observed at St. John's on Wednesday, 2/3.  This is the final feast day of the Nativity celebration of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  
 
The Diocese of Southern Virginia Annual Council will meet in Williamsburg on February 5 & 6.  Joining Fr. Derek and Clifford King Harbin will be Dick Devers and Jeff Fremeau (delegates) and Allison Foytik and Nancy Johnson (alternates).

Shrove Tuesday Pancake Supper hosted by the Parish acolytes will be Tuesday, 2/9.

Mark your calendar:  Ash Wednesday is February 10.  Worship opportunities will be at 11:30am & 6:30pm.
 
Join a Small Group in the new year.  Small groups at St. John's are called "Scott's Creek," in honor of the first such group that met in a home on the banks of Portsmouth's Scott's Creek.  Small groups are a great way to deepen your faith, build friendships, and become more connected to the St. John's community.  Multiple groups with diverse interests and age groupings are available and we invite you to be a part!  Email the Parish Office to get connected!
 
Want a St. John's name badge?  Are you ready to look outward and be welcoming, greeting those you do not know before you greet your friends and offering hospitality to those you meet?  If your answer is "yes," then complete a name badge request form found in Chisholm Hall.  These badges have a magnetic back (which should be kept away from medical devices and credit/debit cards).
 
The Parishioner Corner of our Website has news you can use.  Here you can access the January 2015 Parish Directory, parish handbook, worship ministry schedules, and read approved minutes of vestry discussions and actions as well as parish financial reports.  Need or don't remember the password?  Contact the parish office.
 
Content deadline for St. John's eNews is Wednesday at noon before publication.

In our Prayers this Week

For the Church
Justin, Archbishop of Canterbury; Michael, the Presiding Bishop; for Holly, our bishop; Derek, our rector; Heidi, Russ, & Amanda, our missionaries; and our parish staff, wardens and vestry
 
For Justice and Peace    
Peace in the Middle East; for an end to mass violence and racial divides in this nation; for Barack, our president; Terry, our governor; Ken, our mayor; for the city of Portsmouth; for Clint Carlson, Erin Elliott, Carolyn Higgins,  George Lang, Jessi Staley, Dariana Torres, Shaun Tuttle, and Bill Wolter who are serving our country overseas or away from home; for the Coast Guard Personnel on watch and on patrol from Coast Guard Base Portsmouth
 
For those in any Need or Trouble  
In our Parish: Elaine Baker; Mary Colby; Bill Edwards; Ron Fritz; Andy Gray; Al Gregg; Barrie Harper; Richard Hill;  Mavia Hudgins; Franklin Marzullo; Dody Mason; Cody Miller; Martha Ann Oast; Arlene Peterson; Carol Phipps; Ann Barbour Schwab; Walter Short; Barbara Stearns; Fran Taylor; Sue Taylor;  Peggy Tuthill; Patricia Viera; Ruth Waldo; Dave Walker; Mike Wall; Bobby Wilkerson; Sonny Wilkinson; Joy Young.  

We ask God's Holy Spirit to surround, protect, and move to successful completion the renovation of the second floor Christian Formation rooms.
 
Related to our Parish: Tom, Patti & Kelly (family of Dody Johnson); Mary Jane (friend of JoAnn Rose); Tim (friend of Andy Graham); Lynn (Cindy Carlson's sister-in-law); Mary (friend of Claudia Tomlin); Michael & Kelsey (children of Allison Foytik); Jacob (friend of Scott & Nancy Johnson); Tyrone (friend of Mick & Linda Kauffman); Eddie (Martha Rush's stepfather); Patients at the Naval Hospital & EDMARC hospice for children
                                                        
Thanksgivings
For the joy and honor to serve our shelter guests this past week and for all those who worked so hard to make St. John's shelter a blessing to everyone.
Stewardship of God's Resources 
Week of 1/24 

Ministry/Worship Attendance: Snowy Sunday! 8am (6), 9am (40), 11am (39); 
Wednesday 6:30pm (33)
Worship Offering:  $4,506
 
Income needed for ministry expenses each week: $6,778

This Sunday in Worship
 
Fourth Sunday after the Epiphany, 1/31: Jeremiah 1:4-10 & Luke 4:21-30
No flower memorial has yet been given for this Sunday.  

Herman Hollerith, IV, bishop 

J. Derek Harbin, rector

Keith Byers, bookkeeper

Taraleigh Casteen, bandleader

Courtney Devers, staff chef

Bob Gilman, assisting priest

Philip Goodrich, sexton

Clifford King Harbin, associate to the rector

Rebecca Mina, creation atrium coordinator

Christopher Rusk, organist/choirmaster

Claudia Tomlin, organist emerita

Justin Young, publications

 

Welcome to our Sunday Worship Services

 Contemplative Eucharist, Rite I at 8:00am
 Contemporary Eucharist at 9:00am
 Classic Eucharist, Rite II at 11:00am

Wednesday Healing Eucharist, 6:30pm

Holy Days as Announced

You'll find us at 424 Washington Street, Portsmouth, VA 23704 or by phone at 757.399.4967

Our office hours are 10am - 1pm M-F. We look forward to seeing you!
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