St. John's Catechumen Niki Park published this blog entry as she entered Holy Week, just days before her Easter Vigil Baptism.  The spectacular photo of Niki dying and rising with Christ was taken by The' N. Pham and is used courtesy of the Virginian-Pilot. 

Have mercy on me, O LORD, for I am in trouble; 

my eye is consumed with sorrow,
and also my throat and belly.

For my life is wasted with grief,
and my years with sighing;
my strength fails me because of affliction, 
and my bones are consumed. Psalm 31:9

It's a shameful admission, but Palm Sunday services (or Resurrection services, really) had never been very meaningful to me.

Until now.  For many reasons, on this Palm Sunday I was in a different spiritual place - literally and figuratively.  The priest's message at the church I now call home was centered around a gentle consideration comprised of three words: "Embrace the Suffering."

Such a powerful practice in empathy to help us appreciate what Jesus did for us.

I was completely intrigued by this dissonance of the words "embrace" and "suffering" together as they were.  Still, I wasn't sure that I could get into a place of gloom and lament or even imagine myself in a place of extreme suffering at this time of my life.

But I could certainly remember a time when I didn't have to imagine these emotions, because I experienced these realities firsthand. It was a time when my eye and my throat and my belly and my bones were consumed with sorrow. A time when darkness and death filled my thoughts.

These days, I am still working on embracing a life of faith and surrendering to the mysteries and miracles of it all. It's hard work.

Yet this Palm Sunday, I couldn't help feeling closer to Jesus. Not because I could hold up my past suffering for measure against a crucifixion.

Instead, I could memorialize a time when evil ruminations ate away at my brain. I could remember a time when I was almost dead...

But then remember that I came back.

Better than ever.

With almost no logical reason or explanation.

Yes, I can now embrace my own past suffering.

Because it helped me realize a miracle.