Editorial

Liberalism, Kids and Fun

David A. Lombardo

It never fails to amaze me how humorless liberals can be. In the world of liberalism, children aren't allowed to actually have fun. Permissible liberal fun for kids includes such things as learning to use a compost pile, caring for a group of free-range slugs under a rock in your backyard and taking a home study course on community organizing.

Permissible liberal fun does not include anything that's actually fun, say, for instance, shooting your best friend in the face with a Nerf gun. In fact the mere possession of a Nerf gun or Nerf ammo is enough to get a student tossed out of school and sent to a gulag in Russia, as 5th grader Aarin Moody found out.

Earlier this month Atlantic City, New Jersey, 5th grader Aarin Moody reached into his pocket to retrieve a "late note" from his mother, and a Nerf gun foam bullet fell out. Officials at the Atlantic City School District categorized the toy bullet as a self-constructed weapon because it happened to have a toothpick stuck in it. Moody got a five-day, in-school suspension and a notation on his permanent record stating that he brought a makeshift weapon to school. On his permanent record-are they kidding?

I can hear it now: "Well, Aarin, normally you would be a perfect match for Harvard, but unfortunately there's that tragic Nerf bullet incident in your permanent record."

Originally the school intended to expel Moody for violating the school handbook policy which says, "Anything readily capable of lethal use or inflicting serious bodily injury." Of course what could be worse than a Nerf thump injury? But in a brief moment of lucidity, the school administration negotiated the suspension instead.

Okay, so a Nerf bullet is obviously a terrible weapon considering you could accidentally fire it up someone's nose, I imagine, but a water gun would be cool, wouldn't it?

When I was a kid, Boy Scouts learned to trap small animals, skin, clean, cook and eat them. We carried knives, got to shoot rifles, camped out, learned to build a fire and survive off the land...well, and the groceries we filled our Scout trailer with. The point is squirt guns were an essential part of the contents of a Boy Scout's backpack, along with Band Aids, splints and an emergency tracheotomy kit, but not anymore.

The Boy Scouts of America has announced the organization has banned water pistols in general and specifically water gun fights. They've also banned boomerangs, crossbows, potato guns and throwing stars. Rumor has it that the venerable ax is being eyed suspiciously by BSA management as are assault rifles, improvised explosive devices and crew served weapons. I mean, seriously-water pistols? What's more fun than hosing down a kid with a major league water pistol on a hot summer day? Well, other than throwing a rock at him, that is.

Bryan Wendell, an Eagle Scout and senior editor of Boys' Life, Scouting and Eagles' Call magazines, explained the ruling by suggesting, "Pointing any type of firearm or simulated firearm is unauthorized, the Scouts 2015 National Shooting Manual says. A Scout is kind. What part of pointing a firearm [simulated or otherwise] at someone is kind?"

Kind? Kids are barbarians; they'd eat their young if they had young to eat. Shooting the snot out of one another with water guns, Nerf guns, rubber bands, sling shots, 2 by 4s and a good fist-sized chunk of loose concrete is a normal part of growing up.

No kid should be forced to go through an entire childhood without at least a few visits to the emergency room. You repress those natural savage tendencies, and you end up with Lord of the Flies. It's a sure method of producing a new generation of serial killers. You want to teach kids to be responsible, non-violent adults? The shortest route is to let them get beaten to a pulp a few times, and even the dumbest kid will come to realize it's best to let sleeping dogs lie.

Truthfully I don't get it at all. Instead of rebelling, becoming little 10-year-old Republicans and showing up en masse with water guns in shoulder holsters, kids buy into the pablum the left feeds them, and they become liberals themselves.

If it were up to me, kids would carry BB pistols to school every day and be required to stalk, kill, clean and grill some furry creature for lunch with a side of dandelions and giardia-laced creek water. That's how my childhood went, and I'm a better person for it...you know, except for the parasites permanently living in my stomach and one squinting, nerve-damaged eye from a tragic Hula Hoop accident. In short I say, let kids be kids. As the old adage says, "That which does not kill us only makes us stronger." And worst case scenario-it's worth remembering that kids are a renewable resource.