If you live in a normal American neighborhood, you probably don't know your neighbors very well.  They do their thing and you do yours.  "Mind your own business" is the rule.  While that surely makes for what appears to be a peaceful neighborhood, it's not what human community should be.  Men were called by Aristotle a "political animal", meaning that they want order and social structure.  Having men living beside one another on connected islands is neither natural nor reasonable.

It is that isolation that your neighbors need to be freed from.  Really, if you could search their hearts, you would find that they don't want to live like that.  However, because so few Americans can build and maintain happy relationships with others, most Americans find it easier to do without relationships.

As Christians we need to be the ones that bring peace to our neighborhoods by offering ourselves as the ones whose sacrifices and generosity will make real peace possible for those around us.  Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers" and that is what our neighbors need-they need Christians to come into their lives and make peace-peace between them and their neighbors, between them and their children, between them and their relatives, and ultimately between them and God.

After all, any talk about bringing our neighbors to God is absurd if we can't even bring our neighbors to peace with one another-and if we cannot be at peace with them.  St. John said,

"If any man say, 'I love God', yet hateth his neighbor; he is a liar. For he that loveth not his neighbor, whom he seeth, how can he love God, whom he seeth not?"

When God wished to explain heavenly things to men, he did so by relating them to earthly things that He assumed men would understand.  He assumes, for example, that mothers love their children, that fathers discipline their children, that men relish friendship and community, that everyone loves a banquet, and so on.  Yet, in our lives today, it would appears that these assumptions were not necessarily true.  When one drives down a road with 24 houses on 1/4 acre lots and realizes that every one of those families owns their own lawnmower, it should be obvious that these people don't know much about community.  That's the first thing that needs to change.

Every one of your neighbors would like to live in a warm, friendly, happy neighborhood.  Many of them would like to be hospitable, they'd like to share their resources, they'd like for their children to have good friends.  That's why they live in neighborhoods and not in apartments.  They want to be happy-but they don't know how to be happy, and they don't have the grace necessary to be the ones who bring happiness into a community.  That's the job of Christians--who should.

So, how ought you to begin?

1.  Be outside.  Get out on the front lawn and relax.  Toss a ball around, go for a walk around the neighborhood.  Wave to every car that passes by, to every neighbor you see.  Let them know you're approachable and friendly.

2.  Pray with the windows open.  Sing and pray and don't be afraid to let the neighbors hear you doing so.  Let them hear some sacred music, let them know that you do things that they don't...regularly.  Don't act like people who have no religion if you do.  My wife can tell you about our time in grad school at Rutgers University...I used to sing Christian hymns in the evening, and everyone got to listen-Muslims, Jews, atheists, etc.. They knew Christians lived upstairs and no one ever complained.

3.  Always make extra.  If you're making pies, or baking bread...make some extra.  Send the kids with a treat over to the neighbors house with a simple.  "Hi, Mom made some extra pies and told us to bring you one.  Bye!"  Don't worry about delivering a homily or stuffing tracts under the pie crust.  Just be friendly.

4.  Celebrate the holidays.  Everyone should know that your house is the place to be on Christmas Eve.  Have a big party and let the neighbors know it's open invitation.   Yes, it will be expensive, but generosity is always expensive.  Besides, you're trying to promote generosity, remember?  Be Mr. Fezziwig, not Mr. Scrooge.  Give out good candy on Halloween, share pies on Thanksgiving, decorate your house for Christmas.  Fill your neighborhood with some fun, for crying out loud.

5.  Say 'Yes'.  If a kid comes to the door selling something be friendly and say "Yes.".  The price of the cookies, or raffle tickets, or whatever else they're selling is the price of making friends.  Be friendly, say 'Yes'.  I remember when I was I kid, I thought the families who donated or bought stuff were the "nice families" and those who didn't were "mean".  Don't be a mean family...you're not going to win any prizes for it.

6.  Lend a Hand.    Help is expensive and there's no better way to be a good neighbor than to offer some for free.  Send the kids out to help rake leaves or shovel snow...they don't need to be paid for it.  Offer to cut the grass for an old lady or a new neighbor.   Be useful and lend a hand.

7.  Don't be a Weirdo.  Realize that being a generous neighbor is true religion.  You don't need to try and corner your poor neighbors and force them into awkward religious conversations.  "So, Brett, did you know that Jesus is really present-body, blood, soul and divinity-in the Holy Eucharist?"  Uh, Brett's probably looking for an escape route because you're a weirdo.  Religious conversation doesn't begin with the loftiest mysteries of the Christian faith.  It begins with the birds of the air, the lilies of the field, the good Samaritan, etc..  Be patient...those discussions will come comfortably and in the right context.

8.   Learn Manners.  Yes, it may be fun for you be a home school family with boys who live with no shirts on and girls who look like Quakers.  However, good manners are formed by convention and need to adapt to the society you're in, not that which you wish you were in.  Be an example of good manners and respect the culture of your neighborhood, "be in the world, but not of the world", as St. Paul said.

9.  Absorb Losses.   Being a good neighbor is not a for-profit endeavor.   You'll come across real needs in your neighbors' lives as you get to know them and there are a lot of people in the world who are expensive to be friends with.  I have a neighbor, for example, who's 70 years old and doesn't have much money, and I buy farm products from him that are lower quality than what I could buy from other guys I know-but he needs the money more than they do. Being a good neighbor to him means absorbing some losses, but that's a price we need to pay to build community.  You will learn, however, that the American aversion to work and the eagerness to play is a major obstacle to this kind of benevolence.  Rather than work as much as you have to and share what's extra (which will usually be nothing), you're going to challenged to share of what you have and then work extra.

In my neck of the woods, though, out in the country, we really don't have neighbor problems.  Farmers can't survive without collaboration and we share everything.  I have equipment my neighbors don't, and they come and pick it up when they need it.  They have equipment I don't, and I don't need to ask to use it when the time comes.  One neighbor grows hay, another raises pigs, another buys seed and fertilizer and everyone shares.  My wife visits widows now and then to bring them some fresh bread and eggs and see if they need any help.  If my neighbor makes a new batch of strawberry wine, a bottle gets dropped off for me.  I pay for the dumpster and all my neighbors toss their junk in.  Anyone who's been around my house for a time will tell you, it's a beautiful thing to see, and we don't take it for granted-but you have to be willing to share to be shared with.   We work to create that community, and you need to do the same.  Trust me when I tell you that building community by being generous and friendly will change everything.

Remember the Goal

Now, this friendship is not meant to gain or give temporal benefits alone.  Our goal is to evangelize and bring our neighbors to eternal happiness.  This long-term vision is what alone makes sense of the sacrifices and losses that such community-building will require of you.  You should, as a Christian, relish the opportunity to demonstrate your faith by your works to your neighbors and challenge them, as Jesus did, to follow you.  They should not be able to keep up with you for charity because you are a Christian with your roots deep in the rivers of God's graces.  Their weakness should inspire them to admire you and begin to ask, "Why can't I do the things I want to do?".  When they get to that point, they're ready for the Gospel.  Before then, it probably won't make much sense.  My neighbors aren't Catholics yet, and some aren't even Christians, but I know they think well of Catholics, which is my first objective.  One of my neighbors wanted to talk to me when Pope Benedict resigned and get the scoop on that.  Another invites our kids to the local Baptist Vacation Bible School, and I get to joke with them about Catholics not reading the Bible.   We're all good neighbors and now, God willing, we can all become like-minded Christians.  I trust we will, in due time, but there's no point in trying to run together before we can all walk together.

You don't need to be a theologian, but you do need to be a good neighbor.

William Michael 

P.S.  The families and friends of the CLAA will be develop a helpful program for families interested in evangelizing our neighbors.  Keep an eye on the CLAA website and the CLAAnews.com site for more information.