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Volume 23 No. 41
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October 7, 2016
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- My goal for 2016 was to lose 10 pounds. Only 15 to go!
- Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza.
- How to prepare Tofu: A - Throw it in the trash. B - Grill some meat.
- I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
- I don't mean to brag but...I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
- A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
- Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
- I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented...I forgot where I was going with this.
- I love being over 50. I learn something new every day.....and forget 5 others.
- I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
- Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
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Recently, a woman was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my flower tubs.
As I turn on the hose I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
I go to get the car keys from the porch and then notice mail on the porch table.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the bin under the table and notice the bin is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the rubbish first.
But then I think, I can run down to the post-box when I take out the rubbish so I may as well pay the bills first. I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in the computer desk, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of soda I'd been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the soda aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The soda is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the fridge to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the soda, a vase of flowers on the window ledge catches my eye--they need water.
I put the soda on the window ledge and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my computer desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the window ledge, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone has left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the living room where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but some spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
- The tubs aren't watered;
- The car isn't washed;
- The bills aren't paid;
- There is a warm can of soda sitting on the window ledge;
- The flowers don't have enough water;
- There is still only one check in my check book;
- I can't find the remote;
- I can't find my glasses;
- I have absolutely NO idea what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to work out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled. I know I was busy all the darn day, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my email.
Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!
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"Always give without remembering. Always receive without forgetting." -William Barclay
"Someday is not a day of the week." -Janet Dailey"Forget yesterday - it has already forgotten you. Don't sweat tomorrow - you haven't even met. Instead, open your eyes and your heart to a truly precious gift - today." -Steve Maraboli
"Chop your own wood and it will warm you twice." -Henry Ford
"Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you will get neither." -C.S. Lewis
"We cannot stay home all our lives, we must present ourselves to the world and we must look upon it as an adventure." -Beatrix Potter
"There is a hard law. When an injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive." -Alan Paton
"A true friend never gets in your way, unless you happen to be going down." -Arnold Glasgow "It is our choices... that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."-J.K. Rowling
"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." -George Bernard Shaw
"Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous; anyone who can consistently laugh at himself does not." -Vaclav Havel
"Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it." -Jacques Prevert
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