Volume 23 No. 10
March 4, 2016
"I Know, I know" (excerpt)
Shadows only catch us from behind
Let's turn and face them
Switch on the light
Never mind the cracks you try and hide
I want to see them
They're what make you shine

The glow from within
Scatters light through the night
airline announcements
1.  On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.' 
 
2.  'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this  airplane.' 
 
 3.  An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for a little old  lady walking with a cane. 
 
 She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?' 
 
 'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?' 
 
 The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?' 
 
4.  As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella, WHOA!'
 
5.  After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, 'Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has shifted after a landing like that.' 
 
6.  Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.'  
 
7.  Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo...Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!' 
 
8.  'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.'  
 
9.  From a Flight Attendant: 'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.'  
 
10.  Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City. The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.' 
 
11.  After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'
 
12.  Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us.' 
 
13.  Heard on a Southwest Airline flight - 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em.' 
"SHARING IS CARING"




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Newsletter Archives
THOUGHT PROVOKING QUOTES
"When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate!  And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow."  -Shauna Niequist

"Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The happy heart runs with the river, floats on the air, lifts to the music, soars with the eagle, hopes with the prayer." -Maya Angelou

"Until you commit your goals to paper, you have intentions that are seeds without soil."  -Anonymous

"The compensation for dying is that I will learn all the things I was not able to learn here on earth." -Alexander Imich, 111 1/4 years old

"He who sacrifices freedom for security deserves neither."  -Ben Franklin

"I expect to pass through life but once.  If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again."  -William Penn

"When the wind of change blows, some build walls and some build windmills." -Chinese Proverb

"Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each." -Henry David Thoreau

"The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention." -Oscar Wilde

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." -Robert Frost
"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." -Winston Churchill

"What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing it's value." -Thomas Paine

"Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people.  A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough." -Franklin Roosevelt



 

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