Volume 23 No. 8
February 19, 2016
"smile" (excerpt)
You wake up to another day
Another shot at making your vibe change
And if you didn't smile yesterday
Here's a chance

To breathe
Take in what you see
Who knows what you'll find
In this beautiful life
That gives you a reason to smile


 
PARAPROSDOKIANS
Definition: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation. "Where there's a will, I want to be in it." is one type of paraprosdokian.

 1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. At my office, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of every successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there's a will, there's relatives.




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Newsletter Archives
THOUGHT PROVOKING QUOTES
"It is one of the great charms of books that they have to end."  -Frank Kermode

"Part of growing up is knowing when to say things and when not to." -Jim Menick

"You soon become lonely if you want to use your own brain to find answers." -Jo Nesbo

"Statistics are like bikinis.  They show a lot but not everything."  -Lou Piniella

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business." -Dave Barry

"When we can't see a pattern, we fit pieces together until one takes shape, because we have to."  -Tana French

"In most marriages, there is a contented partner and a restless one."  -Jennifer Wilson

"We are all good at believing what puts the least pressure on our conscience." -Akeela Green

"Sometimes, when you're close to someone, you miss things.  Other people can see them, but you can't." -Tana French

"It's a lot easier to buy things than it is to sell them." -Warren Buffet

"Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity." -Simone Weil
"One of the many interesting challenges nature presents us is its apparent disinterest in maintaining the order humans crave." -John Gardner, Jr.

"I'm retired.  I can have an ice cream sundae." -Harry Bosch

"The bone won't come to the dog.  It's the dog that goes to the bone." -Philip Kerr
 

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