Volume 23 No. 3
January 15, 2016

idiots on parade
Sighting #1:
  
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the township office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: too many deer were being hit by cars and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.
  
Sighting #2:
  
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
  
Sighting #3:
  
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
  
Sighting #4:
  
When my wife and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" To which he replied, "I know--I already got that side."
A LITTLE BIT OF BAD
(excerpt) 
 

There was a snail who was so afraid to fail

She thought it was the worst thing you could do

So she decided that she was gonna go into hidin'
and never try to do anything at all
 
There was a snake who wanted to prevent heartbreak

Cuz nobody should have to know that pain

But he soon discovered that the only way to not lose a lover is to never love someone in the first place

It's funny how it goes like that

Always remember that simple fact
if you wanna have it good
you gotta have it a little bit bad
 

a reminder for all of us
There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.

He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift.

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out for a companion.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around.





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Newsletter Archives
THOUGHT PROVOKING QUOTES
"The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude."  -Oprah Winfrey

"Don't let the fear of losing be greater than the excitement of winning." -Robert Kiyosaki

"When a man dies, if he can pass enthusiasm along to his children, he has left them an estate of incalculable value." -Thomas Edison

"Just keep going.  Everybody gets better if they keep at it."  -Ted Williams

"Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us." -Samuel Smiles

"You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first."
  -Frederick Wilcox

"Imagination is everything.  It is the preview of life's coming attractions."  -Albert Einstein

"A happy family is but an earlier heaven." -George Bernard Shaw

"I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear." -Rosa Parks

"In the middle of every difficulty comes opportunity." -Albert Einstein

"Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life." -George Burns

"Never let the fear of striking out get in your way." -Babe Ruth

"No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another." -Charles Dickens

"You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today." -Abraham Lincoln