Volume 22 No. 22

May 29, 2015

"both sides now" (EXCERPT)

I've looked at love from both sides now,
from give and take, and still somehow
it's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all.

Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now,
from win and lose, and still somehow
it's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all.

http://youtu.be/97EiUOofOuk

the joke's on us

A new client had just come in to see a famous consultant. "Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.

"Of course", the consultant replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"

"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"

"Yes it is", said the consultant, "And what's your third question?"

Will the real moron please stand up?

1. When AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership, he received a $26 million severance package. And it's Walter who's lacking intelligence?!

2. Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

3. An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas store and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the

words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

6. In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a bank without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo!)

7. THE GRAND FINALE: Last summer, on Lake Isabella, located an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks had a problem with their new boat. Seems it was sluggish, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they went to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

Source: Welcome to TIPS for Extraordinary Living! Written & Published by Philip E. Humbert, PhD Visit our website at: http://www.philiphumbert.com

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THOUGHT PROVOKING QUOTES

"I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter." - Walt Disney

"A friend is, as it were, a second self." -Cisero

"You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old." - George Burns

"I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the water to create many ripples." - Mother Teresa

"If you look at what you have in life, you'll always have more, If you look at what you don't have in life, you'll never have enough." -Oprah Winfrey

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou

"To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart." - Eleanor Roosevelt

"Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value." - Albert Einstein

"When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it." - Henry Ford

"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant." -Robert Louis Stevenson

"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." - Dalai Lama