Greetings!    
 

 

A Samurai warrior to Zen Buddhist master:

Tell me the nature of heaven and hell."

"Why should I tell a miserable, puny, worthless creature like you anything at all?" Warrior raises sword to strike the master teacher down.

"That is hell," the teacher said.

Because the Samurai warrior was soul-ripened he realizes that he has made his own hell in an instant. He sheaths his sword and bows with tears of repentance.

"That is heaven," says the teacher.

 

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Sincerely,

 

Eileen L Epperson

"Listening and Compassion"

HOW DO WE CREATE OUR OWN HEAVEN AND HELL? I think that listening and compassion have a lot to do with whichever place we find ourselves at a given moment.  

 

We mishear people a lot more than we have any awareness. We misunderstand their intentions even when we do hear their words, or we mean different things by the same words. We are always dealing with the consequences of mishearing and misunderstanding one another, that's for sure! I think that the capacity to listen begins with noticing how much we do not listen. How often, without realizing it, do we totally miss what is behind what others say? Behind their mannerisms and gestures and tone of voice? We rarely wonder what is really going on over there. What if we took on being curious about what we are hearing?

 

So, what is compassion? It is feeling for another in their discomfort or pain and acting to alleviate it. It is different from loving kindness which is wishing someone well, wishing them happiness but without intervention or contribution.

 

I had a graced moment of mutual alleviation of loneliness a few months ago at an airport. It was a compassion exchange between equals. We were all waiting at the gate to get on the plane. On my right were a 40'ish white woman and an elderly Black couple. A wheelchair was brought for the gentleman and there was some trouble in getting it to work and the young woman stepped up to help. The gentleman was clearly upset and embarrassed and did NOT want any help. I could see everything so clearly in that moment: his embarrassment and her caring and the airport person wanting to get it to work quickly and the wife looking uncomfortable. I was looking at the elderly gentleman when he saw me and just glared back at me. I had seen his shame and need and humiliation. I held his gaze gently and after a few moments - who knows how long? - I nodded without taking my eyes off him. Something released and he smiled a small smile as he looked down and away. We had a graced moment between two equals.

 

What blocks our naturally compassionate hearts? Really, it is nothing mysterious at all. We all tend to get locked in our thoughts, opinions and points of view. We weave our thoughts together into a solid reality -- all our judgments, opinions and prejudices -- until we have made a BIG DEAL tapestry out of all of it. And it is all REAL and we are RIGHT.

 

Compassion entails facing and coming to be at ease with the parts of ourselves we have ignored or rejected: our limitations, our mean thoughts, our determination to figure everything and everyone out once and for all.

 

We are so certain that what we think we see is there. So certain that we have heard what was really said.

 

That person is a grouch, we decide, until we find out he is in constant pain.

 

That person is selfish and thinks only of herself - and we have evidence! - until we find out she has a sick daughter in another country and a possible lawsuit.

 

He is always in another world, we decide, until we find out he is scared of people and doesn't know what to say to anyone and this is his way of dealing with that fear.

 

It may assist us in developing a compassionate heart by realizing, says Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron, that we do strange things when we are in pain or are afraid. We are lonely and we say mean words; we want someone to love us and so we insult them.

 

We rarely take a moment as we are forming our opinions to pause and wonder: is it possible I didn't get the whole picture?

 

God's realm, we could say, is the space of all points of view at one eternal moment. The WHOOOLLLEEE picture, all at once. Our human realm is the space of the partial, the uncertain, the ambiguous and we are not in control of a lot. I lead a weekly bereavement support group and one of the hardest facts to confront is our inability to keep someone we love alive.

 

We cannot have compassion for anyone, by the way, if we are retaining the right to resent the person or group. Holding resentment is locking ourselves into the past. Nailing one shoe to the floor and turning in circles. You can have compassion only in the present. You can listen only in the present.

 

So...listening and compassion. Some practices:

 

Listening. We can interrupt our automatic ways of (not) being with others by cultivating curiosity and wonder: "I wonder what she meant by that? I wonder what he cares about? What else would they like to say?"

 

Compassion. Again, from Pema Chodron, you can begin by locating the tenderness you already have, without any effort. Tenderness for a child, an animal, a garden, a friend, a special tree. Fan the flames of that natural sweetness within you and just start expanding it out and out and out and out and out and.............

 

 


If you would like to talk about the possibility of bringing more "workability" to your life, please contact me and we will chat - no charge, no expectations. 860-435-0288  [email protected]

About Eileen Epperson

The Reverend Eileen L. Epperson has been a Presbyterian minister for 23 years. She is a trained spiritual director, retreat leader and bereavement group facilitator. She has had a private practice in spiritual coaching since 2000.

As a hospital and hospice chaplain and a pastor, Eileen has led many programs for people in life transitions. She is committed to uncovering the gold in the middle of the messes in our losses and disappointments, transforming our lives in the process. She created The Forgiveness Process�, a powerful one-on-one process to get freed from the past.