just wrote a letter to one of his wife's doctors. It has been four months since his wife died and he wanted to express his gratitude to one physician who went out of his way to care for and care about the family. He told us about how important it was to write that note and put the stamp on the envelope. It fulfilled something in him to express his thanks and he was going to mail it that day after group.
As much as we need love from others, we human beings need to express our love. If we do not, we can get a little twisted inside over time, a little warped. Teenagers love their parents enormously. Perhaps at no other time of their lives is the love so close to the surface. I know - hard to tell, eh? Parents of Teens, hear this: if you can look for the love your teens are offering, be it ever so strangely, they will gradually begin to be less strange. More than anything, they want you to know they love you.
Appreciating and acknowledging others has to do with telling the truth. The truth is that we care about people in our lives and we appreciate them. When we do not tell them, we are lying. Simple as that. It is a lie of omission. It does us ill when we do not thank someone for a gift or an action that really made a difference for us. By the same token, the good we could do by expressing that gratitude goes undone. All around, it makes a world of well-being when we express our thanks and love.
Here is one note I am about to send a young cousin:
"Dear One, I have expressed my admiration for the incredible determination you have demonstrated in taking on the weight loss program, but at this Valentine's season I want to add that I am truly blown away by your gutsiness! You have tackled the grief of losing your brother with courage and an unstoppable commitment to your own well-being. You have taken one step after another to care for yourself: going to the support group, getting a counselor, finding a worshipping community, sticking to the eating program and then calling me every couple of months to let me know about your progress. I LOVE THAT! I will do good things that I am proud of from time to time (!) but I don't always go that extra step of telling someone knowing that they would want to know. I so appreciate you for that. All the best. You have my love and encouragement for your endeavors, always, Eileen.
Here is one to my sister:
Sweetheart, at this Valentine's season I want to let you know how amazing you are for me, how beautiful you are to me. This latest challenge that you have met and will continue to meet with your customary determination and compassion and capability just leaves me speechless and so very moved. I know this is old fish, but you really did pull yourself out of an early track that was heading nowhere and turned everything around. Summa Cum Laude at graduation, age 32, was it? That you could say to me not that long ago that you have always had a pretty easy life and don't have many demands on you is remarkable. It just says that you have put the past in the past and the tough times don't even live in your memory. I wish we could see each other more often but we have these bi-coastal lives. At least we have webcams and Skype! I adore you! Eileen
Here's the secret: as I write these notes, my heart opens. I begin to experience the depth of my real admiration, appreciation and love for these people. The feelings are there, surely, but they are untapped when they are unexpressed. The feelings do not nourish me; I don't feel them until I express them.
This is my idea: I will host two FREE conference calls (all you pay for is the phone call) for anyone who wishes to share their appreciation notes. Or get help in writing one - expressing appreciation is fine after Valentine's Day as well.
Please email me if you will be on one or both of the calls.
Conference Dial-in Number: (209) 647-1000 Participant Access Code: 188176#
Valentine's Day, Monday, February 14, 11 a.m. - Noon EASTERN Time
and/or
Thursday, February 17, 6 - 7 p.m. EASTERN TIME
