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My Word! Part II
Our last newsletter focused on the importance of the proper use of grammar. On a similar but lighter note, I have a favorite old hometown story that highlights the importance of having a healthy vocabulary.
We used to have a town character, let's just call him Wilbur, who was a shade tree mechanic / jack of all trades. Every small town has one of these and if you missed this experience while growing up, I dare say you missed a real treat.
Anytime you stopped by his place of business ( his backyard), you could usually find a handful of locals hanging out while he puttered around at his work, generally holding court and sharing his views on just about any subject. The French would call him a raconteur. The fact that some of the topics were above his pay grade never fazed Wilbur or impeded the flow of opinions that he shared so generously.
On one occasion, he stopped by the timber and real estate office owned by 3 friends of mine, to share the delights of his recent trip to Panama City Beach (aka the Redneck Riviera) with his young grandchild. As they all stood in the lobby, he proceeded to tell their matronly and proper receptionist, Miss Velma, all about the trip. At some point, he got to the part about taking his grandson into the ocean for the first time, and he concluded the soliloquy by saying, "Miss Velma, you wouldn't believe it. While we were standing there and the water washed over my feet, I looked down, and there were just thousands and thousands of little orgasms between my toes."
My friends just froze in horror, not knowing what to say or do. The conversation mercifully drew to a close and Wilbur moved on to share his experience with someone else down the street. As the door closed behind him, my friends were still frozen in shock, not knowing what to say to Miss Velma. Finally, Rick, the tall pensive one who has always reminded me of Abe Lincoln, said,
"Miss Velma, I think we can all agree,
Wilbur has a complete command
of the English language."
Only in the South...
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