Over the last week and a half I have caught myself saying, on more than one occasion, "Can't we just go back to last week?" Life was so easy then. I thought I knew where my ministry was supposed to be directed-at parents of children facing life challenges, like our daughter Sara Ashley. We were busy with the day in and day out activities and routines of a family of one teenager, one tweener, one dog, two cats and a guinea pig. Rob was pursuing his career dreams, working with mentors like Dan Cathy and helping host the Georgia State Sporting Clays Championship at Big Red Oak Plantation.
Estes Landscape Project
Life, as I knew it, was good. And the worst I felt that might befall us was financial burden or a failure in our parenting. Oh what a difference a few short days can make.
The other night as Rob and I sat in his hospital bed in the middle of the night because neither of us could sleep, and as we were absorbing the news that we had been given, we took some time to really honestly reflect over the last year of our lives. What we saw, while not awful or even seemingly abnormal, was that the tumor growing in Rob's head had been putting a wedge between us for at least 9 months. Because of the location of the tumor, Rob's moods had grown erratic, his emotions unsteady, and my self-defense reaction was to build a protective wall around myself that didn't allow him in anymore. We were surviving what I only assumed was a hard season in our marriage; we were not thriving.
The discovery and removal of the tumor in Rob's brain has changed our relationship already. We have moved from survival-mode to a deepening of faith and love for each other as well as a renewed commitment to our family. Rob has begun to understand the emotional roller coaster that held him captive for 6-9 months. He no longer feels as if he's having some kind of mental breakdown. The walls around us are tumbling down. And despite the raw and heartbreaking pain of learning of his cancer, we are enormously grateful for this opportunity to reconnect, fall more deeply in love, and celebrate every moment of life with each other and our children.
Rob's faith continues to amaze me. He has always had a positive outlook, big dreams, and high expectations. And I can truly say that everything Rob has put his mind to do in his life, he has succeeded at. I expect no different from him this time. Especially knowing the reason he desires to live now (unlike earlier reasons for his ambitions) - which is fully serve and glorify God.
Mission Work I will admit that waves of fear wash over me often, leaving me literally shaking and fresh with tears. But I also now have even longer periods of the faithful knowledge that God has carefully prepared us for this journey and that He is on our side. He is our Hope, our Comforter, our Healer, our Provider. He has come before us, He is with us and He will go behind us. He provides peace for us, and a community of believers who are supporting us with prayers, food, love and blessings. He is faithful. He is our All in All.
Today we met with Dr. Nowlan, the radiology oncologist. Again, we were impressed by Dr. Nowlan's knowledge, compassion and faith. We are in good hands. Rob will begin radiation treatments the week of Labor Day. He is also being considered as part of a clinical trial.
This afternoon we met with our daughter's school administrators. They were wonderful and will be looking out for our girl.
Tomorrow we will meet with Freda Wall of the Brain Tumor Center who will talk with us about integrated health, diet, supplements, etc. Then we will meet with Dr. Erin Dunbar, our neuro-oncologist, to review chemo, medications and all the ins and outs of treating brain cancer. Once again, we feel blessed to have this dream team.
Finally, on Wednesday we will meet with our son's school counselor/ administrators to make sure that he is well taken care of.
Yesterday Rob and I attended church where we are currently having a revival with Rev. Rick Bonfim. Rob and I have both traveled to Brazil with Rick and we cherish his teachings, and ministry. He is a true man of God.The morning service was a wonderful combination of renewal, celebration, love and unity for our church. Sunday evening we attended the revival again and Rob sang in the choir. This time the children came along. The evening was filled with a sense of HOPE that can only be explained by the presence of the Holy Spirit.
One of Rob's favorite songs is by the David Crowder Band (covered by the Newsboys) and is called "Like a Lion." I think that the words are particularly appropriate for this time in our lives. Here are the highlights:
My God's not dead
He's surely alive
And He's living on the inside
Roaring like a lion.
Now I'm lost in your freedom
Oh, this world I'll overcome
Let Heaven roar and fire fall
Come, shake the ground
With the sound of revival
My God's not dead
He's surely alive
And He's living on the inside
Roaring like a lion
As our journey continues, we ask that you please keep us in your prayers. Prayers of HEALING, COMFORT, and PEACE. We are in a period of revival. A revival of our relationship, a revival of our perspective, and, most importantly, a revival of our faith in the One who loves us so much that He sent His only son to die for us so that we could live life and live it abundantly.
Love to all of you,
Christi and Rob
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you may post a message to Rob & family at
