The Healer's Life! Resistance August 2014 Dr. Elisabeth Crim & Moonstone Center

I often teach and consult to the transference and counter-transference, Psychodynamic terms for the relational and attachment dynamics, both conscious and unconscious, that express mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually between therapist and patient. These principles apply within the context of any relationship. I practice from the Inter-Subjective Approach to Psychoanalytic Treatment (Stolorow). I apply these principles to my understanding of mind-body-spirit integration within myself, my patients, and those with whom I consult. And, if you ask my husband, children, and larger network of family and friends, on a much less clinical level...well, sometimes there as well!  I also apply it to my relationship with self, career, and life goals. 

One of the key components in this approach that I find very freeing is the concept of interpreting resistance from the side of the resistance and the resistor.  Who is resisting what? And why?  Why do they need to resist it?  We all resist for a reason. Typically it is a good one based on what is going on for us at that time and based on our history. Even if ultimately resistance is not in our best interest, often understanding the immediate need to resist can be enlightening as to what it is that is holding us back. Often it is something that needs gentle attention prior to that seeming next step.

Now, even though this is a powerful approach in treatment and relationships in general, and I teach and consult to it routinely, I am not asking you to run out and apply this to your patients and spouse and circle of friends.  (Though I know some of you will!) Today, I am asking you to apply this to you. 

When I got back from vacation for two weeks in June, I had a comparatively lighter schedule before me for July and August. I had planned this on purpose. I wanted to draw down and not actively network, market, or speak.  I wanted to turn inward, pull back, re-assess all that has grown for me through Moonstone Center with my amazing team, and with many of you, in the last year. At the same time, I assigned myself a writing schedule, as I have a couple of books bursting to get out of me and onto a file in my computer and into the hands of publisher. 

As I write this I hear some of you wiser souls saying, "Hey! That is not pulling back and reviewing! That is assigning more work projects."  And you are so right.  And to prove that what I wanted was some quieting, restoring, reviewing and reassessing, and less focus on new or continued projects until that process had completed or at least had more attention, let me tell you how Resistance played out for me. 

The days that had larger blocks of time that could have been filled with focused and productive writing were instead filled with forgetfulness, disorientation to my assigned-by-me schedule, no actual schedule being made, or ignoring of the scheduled tasks when they came up on my calendar. (When that lovely ding that my i-Everything sounds telling me it is time to do something in 10 minutes, I rolled over and either rescheduled the task or just sat through the reminders while not heeding them. Occasionally, I dragged myself to the task and sometimes productive things happened). I more often extended those 10 minutes to hours before starting my projects on a weekly basis. I felt guilty. I made excuses to others I told I would be doing this. I avoided checking my email until late in the day. 

However! In that space that was not utilized for writing, I also read several books, including some novels, on my iPad and reflected in a larger and more holistic perspective on what had occurred with me and with Moonstone Center and my team as well as my family over the last year.  I daydreamed and envisioned with an open mind next steps and future directions on both fronts.  I found and listened to that slower rhythm deep in my soul that historically has led me to my next right steps in my life...when I listen. 

I have some regret and some gratitude toward myself re: all of this.  And that is that I did not stop sooner and observe my resistance and commit to understanding what I was resisting and why. Though I was partially analyzing my resistance throughout, I did not fully address it, respond to it and communicate what it really meant to my family and team. How much better it would have been for those around me, if I had, from a centered and committed place, clarified my boundaries and needs re: my schedule. I have gratitude that even though it was fraught with uneven attention and some guilt, I did also slow down, reflect, review, and listen. 

Those around you will benefit from you knowing best what you need and are able to do, say, and be. In the larger picture, I was tired. I needed to retreat and restore and renew more than my two weeks away. I needed to listen and allow motivation and interest, curiosity and desire to stir again. And it is...stirring... beginning to gently whir...anew. My quieter and more introverted aspects of myself go at a slightly different pace than my louder, more extroverted aspects. Both are good for me and part of me. The key: Listening and paying attention and attempting to understand what I am resisting and why.  Then honoring what I discover in a loving and self-affirming way.  

When my patients or those with whom I am consulting push back on something, it typically means that at the very least, they are not ready to go where I am trying to take them. It can also mean that what I am interpreting is not accurate, at this time or maybe ever. At deeper levels it can mean we are treading in areas that require a 

m u c h   s l o w e r  pace for safety to be maintained. Exploring these experiences of resistance is essential. We all get where we are supposed to be in our journeys in our own time. I believe that if we truly listen to what we are saying both consciously and unconsciously, through words and behavior, within mind and body, we may actually get where we are meant to be next with a greater sense of ease, peace and joy, and even timing. 

So pay attention today.  What do you find yourself pushing back on?  No matter how subtle, you may be trying to tell yourself something important.  Slow down and inquire. You are worth listening too.  ;->

Please check out the Ode to Rest below!

Until next month,

Peace,

Elisabeth

   and the Moonstone Center Team

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