The Good Mourning News

Winter 2014 In This Issue:

Featured Article:

The Uniqueness of Grief

Important Event Dates
Your Head Knows What Your Heart Doesn't

Dear Friends and Colleagues:

Welcome to the first issue of THE GOOD MOURNING NEWS for 2014. Let me take this opportunity to wish you a healthy, happy New Year.

Our featured article, The Uniqueness of Grief, explains why everyone who is grieving does so in their own way. Grief is as individual as fingerprints, and each person is different. If you are mourning a death, I hope this can bring some understanding of the emotions and feelings you are experiencing and make your grief journey a little easier.

As always if you have any questions or need someone to talk to, I am just a phone call or email away.

Featured Article:

The Uniqueness of Grief

By Carole McLeod

Giving yourself permission to mourn can be very difficult. It is important to grieve in your own way. You can't go around it, under it or over it. You must go through it. The important thing is to mourn at your own pace, taking one small step at a time. There are no rewards for speed. The uniqueness of your grief can depend on ten areas of your life:

1. Relationship with the Person Who Died -

The depth of the relationship is a factor in your journey. For instance, a wife would grieve in a different way for her husband then her children would grieve their father.

2. Circumstances Surrounding the Death - Examples include whether the death was sudden or caused by a terminal illness. The grief process may begin when learning about a terminal disease causing you to grieve the losses on a daily basis as you become the caregiver. Grief becomes anticipatory. A sudden death doesn't allow time to prepare emotionally and often you experience prolonged shock and numbness.

3. Your Support System - Do you have support from family and friends? Ask them to listen and withhold judgment, so you are comfortable talking to them.

4. Your Personality - If you have an expressive personality, you may be more inclined to communicate your grief to others than if you have a reserved personality.

5. Personality of the Person Who Died - Did your loved one easily communicate? Did they have a soothing, stabilizing influence within the family or were they difficult and perhaps not close to the family? These factors can make a tremendous difference to how you grieve.

6. Cultural Background - Culture can add yet another hue to the prism of your grief.

7. Religious or Spiritual Beliefs - Studies show religious or spiritual beliefs can be a comfort during the loss of a loved one.

8. Stress or a Crisis - Other events happening while you are grieving, i.e. loss of job, divorce, financial worries, etc. will impact how you grieve.

9. Gender - Men and women grieve differently. Remember, this doesn't make your grief right or wrong -- it's your way of dealing with loss.

10. Ritual of a Funeral Experience - Was there a memorial, church, gathering, or other ritual for your loved one? These activities can either help or hinder your grief experience.

Remember to mourn well so that you live well and love well as you move into your new life.

This article is compiled from the book "Understanding Your Grief" by Alan D.Wolfelt, Ph.D.

Meet me at the . . .

Grief Cafesm

What is the Grief Cafésm?

Grief Cafe is a relaxed small group conversation about loss and grief.

Who should attend?

Grief Cafe is for anyone who is grieving a death of a loved one. Is is also a resource for anyone who wants to learn more about healthy grief.

Where and When is the Grief Cafésm?

Veteran's Funeral Care, 15381 Roosevelt Blvd., Clearwater

On the first Tuesday of every month:

Currant schedule: Tuesday, Feb. 4, 2014

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Reservations are required

Please call Veteran's Funeral Care at 727-524-9202

The Fountains at Boca Ciega, 1255 Pasadena AVE, South Pasadena

Second Wednesday of every month:

Current Schedule: Wednesday, Feb. 12, 2014

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Reservations are required

Please call The Fountains at 727-498-3850

IN HONOR OF HEART MONTH

Your Head Knows

What Your Heart Doesn't

Your brain understands the reality of death. It reminds you that you are indeed still here, while your loved one is not. Your brain gives you the ability to understand

the logical aspects of death, and it helps you to move forward as you continue living your life.

However, the heart has no brain cells. The heart feels the absence of someone loved. The heart remembers love shared, dreams unfulfilled and words unspoken. The heart yearns for what the brain knows to be impossible. With every significant injury, whether physical, emotional or spiritual, healing requires time, usually more time than you ever imagined.

If you've ever experienced a medical surgical procedure, you know that the pain is very real even if the scar can't be seen. You may become protective of the part of your body that bears the scar, because if that tender part is bumped or nudged the pain can begin anew. Even when your body is completely healed, the scar lingers and may become sort of a badge of courage -- reminding you of what you have lived through -- reinforcing that you are not the same person you were before the surgery.

Your heart is no different. Grief is an emotional surgery and you will grieve the way you loved. You may appear fine on the outside, but the pain of death is alive inside. Yes, the pain does lessen and heart heals but a scar remains. Your scar can be bumped in many ways: births; weddings; graduations and special days- the times when the absence of your loved one may be felt strongly.

Certain scents can "bump" your scar and remind you of your loss. Music can nudge your scar, especially when you hear your loved one's favorite song or a hymn. An unrelated death can open your original scar and produce pain. The triggers that nudge or bumps will be unique to you, and aren't necessarily bad. Yes, you shed tears, miss and yearn for your loved one but it is important for you to remember.

Remembering will give you new hope. Memories can be held close in your heart and no one or nothing can take them away. Love does not die, people do, and so you can move on into your grief journey, take the bumps and bouts of grief and keep the love and memories of your loved one in your heart forever.

Contact Information
Carole McLeod, President, Grief Matters

phone: 727-515-3399

web site: www.goodgrief-mourning.com

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