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The Good Mourning News
Holidays 2013 In This Issue:
For That I Am Thankful
Featured Article:
The Joy & Sadness of the Holiday Season
Gift Giving & Receiving
Meet Me at the new Grief Cafe
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Dear Friends and Colleagues:
The Holidays are coming. Just twenty-four days from this writing, you will probably be sitting down with your family for Thanksgiving Dinner. This month's newsletter is dedicated to those who are grieving a death of a loved one. Whether it has been this year or several years, the holidays tend to bring renewed grief. Why? As we have done in the past, we celebrate and create traditions. When you are grieving, these traditions bring back memories of your loved one and they can be painful and challenging.
I encourage you to take time out of your busy holiday schedule and honor your loved one in a special way. There are many ways to do this. A simple idea can be the most helpful to you emotionally. Please don't hesitate to do something to remember them because you might cry or feel bad. Crying is a good thing and you might feel worse if you DON'T do something. When all is said and done and it's Jan. 2, 2014 I want you to be able to look back and feel comforted because you remembered and included your loved one during this holiday season.
A special dedication to my husband, Alan and my parents Herb & Kay -- I'm remembering and loving you always.
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For That I Am Thankful
By Darcie D. Sims
It doesn't seem to get any better, but it doesn't get any worse either
For that I am thankful
There are no more pictures to be taken, but there are memories to be cherished
For that I am thankful
There is a missing chair at the table, but the circle of family gathers close
For that I am thankful
 The turkey is smaller, but there is still stuffing
For that, I am thankful
The days are shorter, but the nights are softer
For that, I am thankful
The pain is still there, but it lasts only moments
For that, I am thankful
The calendar still turns, the holidays still appear and they still cost too much
And I am still here
For that I am thankful
The room is still empty, the soul still aches, but the heart remembers
For that I am thankful
The guests still come, the dishes pile up, but the dishwasher works
For that I am thankful
The name is still missing, the words still unspoken, but the silence is shared
For that I am thankful
The snow still falls, the sled still waits, and the spirit still wants to
For that I am thankful
The stillness remains, but the sadness is smaller
For that I am thankful
The moment is gone, but the love is forever
For that I am blessed
For that I am grateful....
Love was once (and still is) a part of my being...
For that I am living
I am living...
For that I am thankful
May your holidays be filled with reasons to be thankful. Having loved,
And having been loved is perhaps the most wondrous reason of all
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Featured Article:
The Joy & Sadness of the Holiday Season
By Carole McLeod
 When you ask someone who is grieving the death of a loved one, "what do you want for Christmas?" the typical answer is "to have my loved one back -- to have life the way it once was."
Traditions are made from past celebrations including the holidays, birthdays and anniversaries. Continuing those celebrations after your loved one has died can be painful because what you are feeling inside and celebrating on the outside causes many mixed emotions. The experience can be magnified by more joy, gifts and social occasions. This is followed by more tears, loneliness, and yearning to be with your loved one. In turn, holidays can becomes a time to dread rather than celebration.
Holidays are about being together to make more memories and traditions. In reality, trying to make new holiday memories can cause a renewed sense of personal grief because they remind you of past holidays and the loved one you are missing.
Here are suggestions to help you cope:
Although it can be a delicate balance to manage your needs and those of your family, it is important to listen to your heart and communicate with family members. Ask for their help to preserve the memory of the loved one as you celebrate the holidays.
Allow tears- don't be afraid to cry in public. Talk about your loved one. Use their name. Remember past holidays, and encourage others to do the same.
Don't be afraid to change traditional routines for this year. Try whatever pops into your head. YOU CAN ALWAYS CHANGE IT BACK LATER, BECAUSE NOTHING IS WRITTEN IN CONCRETE.
Hold on to your charge cards. Do not try to mask
the pain by "CHARGING" through the stores. Be a "list maker, and stick with it. Ask a friend to give you support.
Plan ahead- ANTICIPATION is worst than the actual day itself.
Simplify plans, and let go of those you cannot handle or delegate to other family members.
A few ideas to honor the memory of your loved one include:
- Placing a memorial ornament on the tree
- Decorate their grave
- Donating flowers to church
- Donating to a charity in their name
- Cooking their favorite foods or
- Placing mementos and pictures of past holidays in a memory book
Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Get lots of rest, eat nutritiously, and exercise. Let the grief come, and deal with it. Know that it is a normal part of the grieving process.
Try to renew your faith. Attend a holiday service or memorial ceremony. Have a special prayer at a family gathering.
Don't be afraid to enjoy yourself. It is not disrespectful to laugh and have fun. You may find that you are laughing and crying at the same time.
Remember these are guidelines to help you cope. Everyone is unique, and what works for you may not work for others. Repeat "I will do what is easier and best for me".
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Giving & Receiving Gifts
By giving a gift of yourself this holiday season, you can find a way to help yourself and at the same time, lessen your grief and feel better. You may want to explore a way to do something good for others and make someone's holiday a little better while honoring your loved one. Here are few ideas:
- Adopt a needy family, and supply them with food or gifts
- Treat a needy child to a holiday afternoon by taking them to see Santa, and then shopping for clothes and toys
- Make a cash donation to worthy cause
- Visit someone in hospital or nursing home - you can even leave a card or a small gift
- Volunteer a day at homeless shelter; battered woman's shelter or children's home and
- Donate a Christmas tree and other decorations and include residents in the decorating.
In addition, take a moment during the holidays to remember the gifts your loved one gave you in years past. Make a list, not of materials treasures, but of the memories of
joy, love, laughter, affection, faith and living. After you have made the list, place it in a stocking, and put your loved one's picture on it. You can keep the stocking in a special place to honor and remember thereby giving yourself inner peace as you work through the holiday grief.
Gift ideas for those who are grieving:
Picture frames; albums; journals; a special ornament (engraved, remembering a
hobby, trip or event); an angel; memory box; locket; a memory pillow or T-shirt (made with pictures, or loved one's clothing); dinner out; or donation to organization in memory of...
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The Fountains
1255 Pasadena Ave S., St Petersburg
GriefMatters is pleased to announce our new . . .
Grief Cafésm,
the brainchild of Grace Terry, MSW, Founder of Grief Resolution Resources (GRR),
Grief Cafe is a relaxed small group conversation about loss and grief hosted by a trained facilitator -- yours truly. The conversation is accompanied by light refreshments.
Who should attend?
. . . In a word, EVERYONE!...especially those who want to know more about healthy grief, whether for personal or professional reasons or BOTH!
What is the agenda and the cost?
Grief Cafe is offered with no intention of leading participants towards any particular conclusion, product, or course of action. There is no fee to attend. Free-will donations are gratefully accepted to help defer costs. Suggested minimum donation is $5.
Are Reservations Required?
Yes! Space is limited. Please reserve a seat in the GriefCafesm
by email to carole@goodgrief-mourning.com or call 727-515-3399
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Contact Information
Carole McLeod, President, Grief Matters
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