Some days, everything seems to be going great. And then something happens. Maybe not as disgusting as a baby spitting up on your head--which actually happened to the friend in this photo.

But how about this: Your key employee announces she's leaving. You discover that a colleague has lied to you. Your boss surprises you with negative performance feedback.

What these things have in common is not just that they are unwanted. (Also not as hilarious as spit-up on the head.)

What throws us

What often throws us is that events like this are so completely unanticipated. I once had a crown fall off my front tooth while presenting a seminar to a roomful of people. Talk about unanticipated! And not all that hilarious, even much much later.

On those occasions when we're able to plan for challenging situations, we have better luck with controlling outcomes. A thoughtfully planned chat with an employee who needs to improve customer relations could turn out amazingly well, for example. It's when we're faced with the unexpected that we may default to knee-jerk emotional reactions. 

Focus on your response, not your reaction

Instead of focusing on your emotional reaction, it's much more useful to focus on your response: the words and actions you'll use next. If you don't believe knee-jerk reactions can undo a person, think about any Coworker from Hell you've ever known: the one who stomped out of a meeting, perhaps, or the one who lost his temper in front of the entire office. Everyone remembers.   

1. Expect stuff to happen. Like the young woman in the photograph, take what happens with a little distance, even humor. Practice saying, "This may be undesirable but it is not the end of the world."

2. Buy some time. Unless there's an emergency, you're better off taking a breath or even taking a walk before you react.

3. Get the facts straight. The best way to do this is by asking questions. Open-ended questions elicit the most information. Prosecutorial and closed-ended (single right answer) questions shut down the flow of information. Not to mention that you'll look so, so bad if you've made a wrong assumption.