Coaches: You May Be Giving Good Signals

       But Not Getting a Good Reception

Managers recognize the benefits of developing their teams through daily coaching supported by more formal performance appraisals. And we want to assume that most do their best to apply the coaching techniques they have learned on-the-job or acquired through training. But research shows that far too many times coaching messages don't 'stick'.

Ultimately, employees are the ones who:

• decide whether they want to listen to coaching
• determine the applicability & value of the suggestions
• put the feedback into practice & improve their performance or discard the message

Human nature makes it a challenge for all of us to receive suggestions from just about anyone - spouses, co-workers & certainly our managers. While most employees may want to improve their performance it's within our DNA to want to be accepted as we are. We all need to feel we are valuable & worthwhile.

When a manager says "Can I give you some feedback?" often an employee's fight or flight responses are activated detracting from his/her ability to objectively process & react to the feedback. Common reactions to feedback are: not listening thoroughly, becoming defensive, preparing a rebuttal and/or offering an elaborate justification. Instead of addressing the issue the employee's predominant thought becomes 'I am being attacked."

It's natural to 'push back' on performance improvement comments especially when:

• we think the coaching is untrue, misguided or unrealistic. Our perception of the unfairness drives our emotions & over-rides our logic. We toss the suggestions into the 'they don't know what they are talking about' bin & become 'justifiable' angry.
• we don't have a positive relationship with the sender. The logic being - why should I listen to someone I don't even like?
• the feedback doesn't fit our pre-existing perception of the issue. Warren Buffet has said "What the human being is best at doing, is interpreting all new information so that our prior conclusions remain intact."
• the comments weaken our self perception, self worth or sense of who we are. This can happen when a manager throws out a demeaning comment which to the manager was 'no big deal.' But employees have long memories of these comments & those memories frequently even exaggerate the incident.

These sensitivities & reactions are natural, deep-seated & pervasive. In this sense we all are 'non exempt'- front-line employees, managers & leaders.

Some of us could benefit from:

• evaluating our normal reaction to feedback. Really listening vs. thinking about our response is difficult.
• separating the message from the messenger. Even coaches whom we don't care for can offer valuable perspectives & advice. We can initially assume that the feedback has potential value. If it doesn't, there will be plenty of time to ignore it.
• requesting feedback. This allows us to be in the proper state-of-mind  for receipt

 Receiving feedback is difficult for most of us - even when we respect the coach & recognize that his/her message has validity. But none of us can reach our potential without it. The most successful people are continuously open to, seeking & benefiting from feedback.