by Connie Hemmer

Recently I've become interested in following blogs. One I read the other day had this statement: "... imagine yourself inside a hula-hoop-and then remember that nothing outside that hoop is any of your business. ... This is especially hard for moms like me. Plus, I was at a party last year where a bunch of adults were having dorky fun with hula-hoops-and I noticed how big they actually are. I could fit any of my kids inside here with me just fine!"

So, I did some checking on the story behind hula hoops and went to the keeper of all knowledge, the internet. Wikipedia has this to say: Hula hooping has been a type of exercise and play from as early as the 5th century in ancient Greece. Even though it has existed for thousands of years, it is often misunderstood as being invented in the 1950s.

I grew up with hula hoops ... I was 11 years old when they became popular again in 1958. I recall it being a real challenge to keep one rotating, and children's hoops are smaller than adult hoops! So when I read the quote above, I was intrigued about what it meant. I mean, if we are to take responsibility for ONLY what's inside our hoop, that's a pretty small space, right? I mean, really? That's all? That's it?

Have you gotten involved in someone else's project, uninvited, and gotten a harsh response? Taken on a duty that belongs to someone else, then end up feeling overworked and resentful? I have. I was reminded of a Scripture that I'd read some time ago. Proverbs 26:17 says: "Like one who grabs a stray dog by the ears is someone who rushes into a quarrel not their own."  At the time it was funny, and I didn't think I was going to pull any dogs' ears, but now I realize that's not what it's talking about at all. If you stray into a situation that's not your own, or give advice where none was sought or asked for, you immediately create a disturbance! You become a "passerby who meddles in a quarrel not his/her own." Believe me, I speak from experience!

I went back to the internet and did further research. I found this information on the Betty Ford Center site:

"September 5th, 2011 - Posted by Joan Connor Clark in BFC Insights 

If I stand directly in the center of a 'mental hula hoop', everything inside it is my responsibility.  This includes my actions, my thoughts, my words - all of my "stuff."

Whatever is outside of that circle is none of my business.

Of course I can reach out from inside my hoop to help others, and I can share my space with friends that I invite in.  However, it's important that I remember to not jump uninvited out of my hoop into someone else's.    I also shouldn't judge the value of another person's space; my hula hoop is no better or worse than that of anyone else

On occasion I've seen others in perceived pain or distress.  Without a second thought, I've left my hoop and entered theirs - violating boundaries- only to realize I'm putting my own values on the situation.  And oh by the way, did anyone ask for my help?  What happens in someone else's hoop should stay there.

I need to remember the circumstances that brought me into my hoop, why it's important to stay there and what it would be like if I left."

Part of my response to the blog that started all this was: "I love the concept of taking care of what's inside my own hula hoop! I like to help others with their hoops, invited or not, and get myself in awkward situations. Guess unless I am invited I need to let others work out their own issues ... talk about a paradigm shift! Thanks for the new perspective! Something with edges I can relate to!"